DS (3yo) said something dreadful - worried how he will grow up

[Horrifiedmummy]

DS has a very (too) sheltered life - no TV, doesn't see many children outside nursery (where he goes 3 days a week).

Last week he was in the bathroom with me, saying daft things like "when you grow up you'll have a willy" - plus the usual harmless discussion about who has them and who doesn't. When suddenly he said "when DD is bigger a man will put his willy in her bottom".

I froze, and ignored what he had said. And then he carried on with his usual chatter.

I am completely horrified. Needless to say I have no idea where he got it from tho probably from nursery.

I told the nursery manager and she has held a staff meeting and is getting staff to be extra careful about listening in to conversations, and take action appropraietly.

But I am SO scared that him saying this is an indication that he will grow up to be a warped individual.

Until now he has always been my innocent loving boy - not even knowing what power rangers or disney are.

This keep me awake at night, and completely undermines everything I thought his future might hold.

there's nothing warped about knowing how sex works - he'll have to know at some point and will that make him any less 'perfect'

that's a very biblical idea that knowledge makes your DS some how 'tainted'... knowledge is a good thing... he will probably ask about how babies are made in the next year or two.

PMSL at Greeny's willy sword fight.

strictly speaking it wasn't my willy sword fight

Seriously, knowing the basics of how babies are made does not make children less innocent, or warp them in any way. He has expressed this in a way which is very likely to be how another child at nursery has repeated an explanation from his/her parents, most likely as an answer to "How was I made?" or "How did my new baby brother/sister get in there?" It includes the basic truth, using small-child terms, and including the idea that you don't do it till you're bigger. No problem.

You will find he has his own questions about this, probably starting quite soon, and you're better to give this kind of matter-of-fact explanation yourself than any nonsense about storks or cabbage patches.

I'd be more horrified by your reaction rather than what your son said. I have no idea why you're making such a fuss about a simple statement made by your DS.

I would have taken the opportunity to say something along the lines of 'Yes, darling, sometimes a grown up man puts his willy inside a grown-up lady....sometimes it makes a baby etc etc'. Though I'm fairly sure that my DD knew this kind of thing aged three anyhow.

If you want a deviant and repressed child, then I'm sure having a horrified reaction at the mere mention of sex and reproduction will do the trick

I was pregnant when my DS1 was three so of course he wanted to know how. Didn't go into any sort of graphic detail but also I don't believe in telling children silly stories about about storks and gooseberry bushes!
It's not a big deal it's life.

In fact a 5 year old in my DS2s class was asking the new teacher if she had any children. When teacher replied that she did child announced,'That means you've had sex then!!!' to an astonished teacher. Child in question's Mum was pregant with her 5th so she knew about the facts of life. Nothing warped about that!

My 2.8 DS1 has a habit of endlessly fiddling with his bum, gets his fingers right in there! I told him to stop putting his fingers in his bum (we were in the bath) quite crossly, he had a fit of giggles and shouted to me 'put your fingers in my bum!', obviously I told him not to be silly and left it at that.

Later, when the bath was over and I was getting dressed, I could hear DS1 saying the same thing to DH downstairs, who was shocked, and came upstairs to tell me what DS1 had said, was there a sinister meaning to it, where could he have got it from etc..so I explained.

Telling you this to highlight the fact that it's not necessarily a worrying thing, just one of those things.

OK, so 24hours on I realise that my original post was a bit ott. BUT DS is my first child: I'm not used to how children develop - and maybe I'm the one who had a sheltered upbringing (35+ years ago things were a bit different!)! I'd been SO taken aback by his first foray into commentary about "the two sexes" that i'd spent rather too much time worrying about the fact that it could be sinister. He probably was just repeating what one of his friends had said.

Having read people's responses (even those from trollspotters) I understand that it's not unusual for a 3yo to say what he did. So I'm not as worried anymore.

I want him to grow up with the same understanding of peoples bodies as any other well balanced child. However, whilst I am completely comfortable with any comments he makes about willies and girls bottoms (do I teach him the word "fanjo"?!), I still hope that his comment was just repeating something someone said, and something he will forget for a while. I do think that scarcely 3yo is a bit early for learning about how babies are made. Once you reach a certain age then I'd agree that "innocence means ignorance" - but please don't tell me that that age is 3yo!

I didn't react at all when he said what he did - and I'd never make him feel "guilty" for such observations. I usually laugh heartily at his willie/poo comments - and encourage them.

I'd say it doesn't matter terribly what age he gets to this particular piece of information; it's unlikely to change him into anything other than the 3yo you know and love. He doesn't know all the connotations and associations you will have with this particular fact; to him, it's just one of many statements, on a par with 'lions live in Africa' and 'Thomas pushes trucks'. He has no means of knowing that this one is different, because to him it isn't. It's much older children who are unsettled by these things. So no doubt he'll forget about it again, or only remember it on the same level as hundreds of other things he learns each day.

Horrified: "He is my PFB - and I'd like to keep him perfect and innocent for many years yet. I know I'm being unrealistic." Firstly, he's not perfect. There. Take it easy. His innocence will go little by little, sadly much faster if you live in the West, but that doesn't mean he'll turn out warped.

Despite being at nursery it is surprising that he's heard anything about sex at such a young age, but actually you need (for his sake) to be prepared to start talking about sex in a helpful, mature, informed way when he's still quite young (maybe age 5), so at least this incident will give you the impetus to start planning ahead.

I was led on my front in the bath the other day and DS2 came in (3), looked at my 'huge butt' and announced he was going to stick his finger in it then lick it.

I was taken aback for a sec then told him not to be so silly. He has not said anything similar again - think he has forgotten all about it.

I find when random, silly things come out, simply brushing it off and not making a big deal are the most effective ways to combat it.

DS1 and 2 (4 and 3) take great delight in reminding me that when my belly gets really huge, the baby inside will 'come out of my bum and it will hurt'.
I didn't think they were ever watching 'Home Birth Diaries' on 'Babytime' but obv. they were.

LadyOf - rofl at Home Birth Diaries - it is funny when the baby's blue head appears to be poking out of it's mama's arse!

'Cor look at that! That lady has got a baby poo!'

Rofl rofl! Wonder what DS will say when I have a home birth! Think I'll keep him out of the house for the last stretch, eh?!

OP if you react to sex with this much horror and disgust, your attitude might make your DS grow up warped. Hysterically repressive attitudes towards sex (that it's dirty and horrible and wicked) are very damaging.

i agree with shineoncrazydiamond, i'd just want to be certain there was nothing behind it and yes i would be slightly horrified too.

Ladyof: yes, I'm taken aback by some of the bizarre comments DS makes, but so far every one I've laughed at or ignored (including the latest).

Solid: I have never looked horrified at anything he has said - I'm not hysterical or oppressive about sex - I was just very very taken aback with what he said. I didn't think that my DS's comment was "normal" for a 3yo. Now I know that it's not unusual. So I am no longer worrying.

And it will put me on the front foot in terms of explaining about where babies come from. When he does ask that I will probably still be caught on the hop, and probably won't do a very good job of explaining things in the right way - but I would never mention storks!

However, I am glad that the nursery manager and staff are aware that someone might have said it at nursery - just to cover the miniscule possibility that a child may be being abused.

Horrified - Mummy Laid An Egg is a good book to have in stock for the point at which they start asking questions about how babies are made. It's honest but funny, pitched at exactly the right level for small children.

I picked it up in a charity shop when ds was three and stuffed it in the bookcase thinking I'd get it out in a few years. Actually he spotted it very quickly and demanded I read it to him. He roared with laughter... and generally seems quite happy with the information he's had so far. (Key questions have been about what his willy and testicles are for exactly and whether he's already got all the seeds he needs to make babies when he's grown up.)

Edam, thanks for that suggestion - I'll look for it. Sounds just the kind of book I'll need.

It's a real giggle, wait till you see the skateboarding picture!