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Original poster

Getting exasperated with 3.2yo ds keeps wetting himself at playschool

29 replies

cruisemum1 · 18/11/2009 13:46

I must admit I am now getting increasing frustrated and annoyed that My ds, who has been out of nappies for nearly a year, wets hinself every time he goes to playschool. I was very understanding at first as it was new to him blah blah blah but now nearly 3 months on I am getting to the end of my tether with it. His keyworker is great with him and does ask him if he needs a wee and I make sure we go as soon as we arrive just in case. This morning he wet his trousers twice at playschool and twice more at home! I am getting cross and need some advice, I have been patient and that didn't make any difference.

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Original poster
cruisemum1 · 18/11/2009 13:47

just to add, I am thinking of doing star chart type thing with him as he is very bright and i think he would understand. Your thoughts?

OP posts:
notnowbernard · 18/11/2009 13:51

To be brutally honest, star charts are a load of old rubbish IMO (esp at that age). I have a dd the same age and she wouldn't respond to one at all...

I think with some DC it just takes time for them to completely 'get it' with the whole toilet thing

Try not to show ANY emotion or reaction to him wetting. Try and avoid 'toiletting' him. DD1 had several periods of regression post tt and IME the ONLY thing that got her back on track was ignoring it completely

notnowbernard · 18/11/2009 13:52

Same age meaning at pre-school (she's 3,3)

FiveGoMadonTheDanceFloor · 18/11/2009 13:52

DD was like this, we did end up putting her back in nappies for a week. Agree with showing no emotion although that is so tough. Also check if he doesn't have a UTI.

Original poster
cruisemum1 · 18/11/2009 13:57

ta - sure it is not medical as it is only at playschool. I have to admit i did get cross today as I am thoroughly peed off with it. mor elater

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Original poster
cruisemum1 · 18/11/2009 14:59

he has just wet himself again while we wre in Tesco! . I asked him if he wanted to wee before we left and then again when we were there and he said no. But then wet himself. Finding it hard to ignore it as it is really getting on my nerves

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notnowbernard · 18/11/2009 15:02

Hello again

It is v v annoying

Does he care at all if he wets himself?

LilyBolero · 18/11/2009 15:05

I think kids are all different tbh, and some do seem to have accidents more than others. Ds1 was potty trained at 2.10, but had regular accidents up to nearly 4, and still occasional ones after that.

Dd was trained at 2.11, and had very few wee accidents, but lots of poo ones until she was 3. Then she went through a long phase of wetting her pants just a little bit, which was REALLY irritating.

Both ds1 and dd were very late to be dry at night - age 6 or so.

Ds2 is 3.6 and I've only just potty trained him. But he 'got' it in about 2 days, and almost never has accidents. He is also dry at night and wakes up when he needs the potty.

There doesn't seem to be any logic behind it, but it must be very frustrating!

colditz · 18/11/2009 15:06

Are you sure he doesn't have a urine infection? What does he drink at playschool?

He's three years old, being pissed off with him for not having perfect bladder control is completely unreasonable.

EffiePerine · 18/11/2009 15:15

DS is 3.1 and still has regular accidents. He tends to have more accidents when he's stressed or cross (or just feels like it!). It can be hard not to get uptight about it, esp when they produce three sets of dirty pants in one afternoon but getting stressed doesn;t seem to help with us.

Original poster
cruisemum1 · 18/11/2009 15:20

COLDITZ - i am not pissed off with hinm for not having complete bladder control. He HAS had complete bladder control for nearly a year!!!!! He has just done it again and I am really annoyed - sorry for being a flawed human being with limits but I don't understand it at all. He has NEVER had accidents till now. Even on long car journeys etc. He was not pushed to potty train - he just kind of did it at his own pace when he was ready - we are chilled about matters like this. But this is driving me insane - IN HIS OWN HOUSE???? We have two loos and two potties. I want a solution or tactic to deal with it not a telling off! I know life is not perfect and children are not robots but I don't understand why he is even wetting at home now.

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colditz · 18/11/2009 15:30

Um, one of the solutions or tactics is to stop being pissed off about it - or did you not see that bit?

YOu are seriously lucky with potty training! I don't know many people whose boys were trained before 3. At 3.2 both mine were still in nappies and it was not through lack of trying. I think you have to accept that he is still a very little boy. He may have his own reasons for wetting his pants that he will grow out of in time. Exasperation will not speed this process.

Getting angry with people who remind you that he is a small child isn't a solution either, really.

colditz · 18/11/2009 15:32

PS you didn't answer my question about what he drinks - black currant can irritate the bladder.

Similarly, a urinery tract infection will cause urgency that an adult is barely able to control, and a 3 year old won't. Have you given that any consideration?

HAs he become scared of the toilet in any way?

Original poster
cruisemum1 · 18/11/2009 15:33

he has just done it again on the table! I am totally bewildered and fed up

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colditz · 18/11/2009 15:34

Strip him from the waist down and put his potty in the middle of tyhe floor.

This frequency of urination points directly to an irritated bladder.

Original poster
cruisemum1 · 18/11/2009 15:35

he drinks apple juice, squash, he is not fussy. doesn't drink anything at ps from wht the tell me. He has not shown any previous fear of the loo. Loves sitting on his potty (usually) and watching tv. Gets loads of attention from me as far as playing, interacting etc. goes. so not an emotionally unstable child . Clueless

OP posts:
colditz · 18/11/2009 15:40

A three year old is about as emotionally unstable as it is possible to be. Please don't let yourself be fooled into thinking he will only have an irrational fear if there is something 'wrong' with him. It could be something like thinking there are 'eyes' in the pattern on the wallpaper in the PS bathroom and this fear could have transferred over to all toileting activities.

I would take him to the GP and get his urine checked before doing anything else. The frequency seems extreme, and personally I would also stop all drinks except water until he does stop wetting himself, as doing this was the only thing that kept Ds2 remotely dry.

CocoK · 18/11/2009 15:42

Maybe he is trying to get your attention - children are weird like that sometimes, thriving on strong reactions from adults, no matter if it's negative or positive. Try to focus on the positive things he does and completely ignore the negative - ie. reward/praise him when he gets things right and say 'oh well, next time you can try to do it on the potty' when he doesn't and move on swiftly without a fuss. Once he notices that he doesn't get a raise out of you he might just stop.

As for handling recurrent accidents after potty training, star charts did for us. Small treats like smarties/chocolate raisins also worked for us periodically as rewards when DC were particularly resistant.

pistachio · 18/11/2009 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
cruisemum1 · 18/11/2009 16:44

pistachio - I remember you from older threads! He has justdone it again. I acknowledged it but didn't get cross. v difficult, esp as we had been playing together and he was getting full on attention (as he often does as dd is at school all day). It is only days when he goes to P/S. That sounds horrid Pistachio. You must have really reached in to you inner calm!

OP posts:
colditz · 18/11/2009 16:47

Cruisemum, not meaning to push this subject, but I've suggested a few things that may be directly causing this, yet you seem reluctant to address these.

As it's on playschool days, I would guess he is either extrememly tired after playschool, is drinking something there he doesn't drink at home, or is stressed by playschool.

BadPoet · 18/11/2009 16:57

MY ds is doing this too, he's a little older and hadn't been dry as long as yours but had been dry in the day - he's wetting AND soiling , started only at nursery but he's now doing it at home too.

I'm fairly sure it's down to being ill on and off for the last 6 weeks with various viruses and also when he went back to nursery after half term they had ripped out the toilets which made the usual entrance unusable. (Obviously this was not the plan, they were meant to be re-fitted before the children started back but there were delays). I think that's been enough to cause a little regression. Just got to persevere and try not to let it wind you up (easier said than done I know - my dd had a regression too and it was a nightmare for a while, but it did pass eventually)

babbi · 19/11/2009 15:15

Only point I wanted to make is I have found it better NEVER to ASK a child if they want to go for a wee (before going out etc ) but to TAKE THEM and insist !! DD will always say no , I tell her she is going and then we get a flood in the loo !! " oh silly me mummy I did loads didn't I " .

inthesticks · 19/11/2009 15:41

My DS1 was still in nappies at 3.5 and still had accidents until he was 8.
I think you are expecting far too much of a 3 year old

4kidsandlovingit · 19/11/2009 22:54

If you are really that concerned about it go and speak with your HV or GP.
I had a similar thing wiht DS2. Had been dry and clean for a while no problem and then the accidents started. Didnt matter where we were or what we were doint there was no rhyme or reason to them. He is my youngeat of 4 kids and I was getting to the end of my tether with him. Esp when pre school phoned and asked me to take more clothes when I collected him as he had three accidents in the space of 2hrs. Eventually after banning play station toys, star charts shouting screaming tears and tantrums on my part and his it ended with me intears with my HV. DS2 was 4.5 and at all day school by this time. She managed to get me a referral to an Enuretic clinic and it seems he has an over active bladder. His bladder capacity is not what it should have been and was compounded by the fact that he loved blackcurrant. He cannot have blackcurrant, tea, coffee, coke, chocolate (pretty much anything that contains caffeine) as all contain irritants and cause the bladder to release itself before reaching full capacity. He can have them occasionally now and then but not in large amounts. The change in him was dramatic. We still have the odd accident but no where near as often as before and generally life is much better. School have been given leaflets and he has permission to run out of classrooms (when he needs to go he has to go yesterday) and we are getting there. He will be 6 in Jan, we havnt started on getting him dry at night yet but that can wait no one needs to know.
Just remember you are not the only person whose child has accidents its just one of thos things that people tend not to speak about very often.
Good luck and I`m sure things will get better for you.