the school had me in tears today .....

[AwayWithTheFaries]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/858294-please-help-me-with-ds-39-s-behaviour-its-getting

see my thread here for some background

as of last Wednesday we cut out sweets, chocolate and TV and last Thursday,Friday and Monday the school said he was OK

picked him up today and got called in by the teacher
he got taken in from playing on the bikes and trikes for biting and lunchtime he was hurting the other children
the teacher is adamant that hes got to go home for lunch from next Monday and that she has got children that don't want to go to school because of my ds
oh and this is the best bit they haven't got the manpower to watch him all the time and give him the help and support he needs

i had to walk away at that point in tears before i exploded and i told them that if they cant help him he wont be coming back

the schools senco wants to see us to discuss her observation she did the other day

I'm waiting for the health visitor to ring me and i have a GP app on thursday and am waiting to see a behaviour liaison officer

i don't think I'm going to send him back to the school and I'm going to ring the head tomorrow and I'm going to change schools to the one i wanted him to go to but didn't send him to like a fool i went for the closest school in my pregnant state as i didn't want to be walking too far in the cold with a new baby (fool emicon)
thanks for reading if you made it this far and any advice will be great

he dosnt have SN that we are aware of riven but hes being referd th a pead to check

I don't have any experience in this but just wanted to say it sounds like you are doing all the right things, getting support from all the right people etc.

I guess you just have to grit your teeth, accept that this is going to be a period of transition from a situation that is not working to finding one that does work, and know that once you are through the difficult time of gathering all the information and making all the calls, appointments, etc etc, you and you DS will be in a better position and can get on with your lives.

School is not one size fits all, and I'm sure that with the right help and support, you will find one that suits him better and he will thrive in it.

Good luck

How do you know changing schools will make any difference? It sounds like your son has particular needs and you need to be looking for short term and long term strategies to help him. So you push the school to do their bit, to put resources in place to support him one to one but whilst you are doing that you take him home for lunch as that removes a prime time for conflict and difficulty. It's very hard to supervise children so closely that nobody gets bitten etc in a classroom, it's impossible to do that in a playground or busy, noisy dining hall. Your ds probably finds lunchtime very stressful and would welcome the downtime lunch at home would give him. Then you can say to school that you've done your bit and what are they going to do to move things forward? Remember the teacher isn't just responsible to you and your child - she's there for all the other kids and some of them are scared of your son't behaviour. You have a mutual responsibility to face and address this.

Cutting out the junk and giving the omega3s is possibly a step in the right direction, plus really limiting tv. Have you considered taking him to have allergy tests done? He seems to be really acting under some sort of compulsion here, and maybe there's an underlying problem or irritant.

How about going to the school at lunch and supervising him yourself? The school seems to be dropping the ball though, if they are just saying there's nothing they can do and it's all up to you. If there's another school choice, it might be a good idea to investigate it. But would that slow down his evaluations? Would he have to start all over with SENCO observations, etc.?

As far as dealing with the school though, I would always be inclined to bite my tongue and appear to be desperately anxious to help them help your DS in any way you can, not engage in any kind of shouting matches with anyone. You get labelled as part of the problem as far as they're concerned, which is not fair, but they operate like that.

I agree with NorthernLurker.

agree wth nl , I'm sure you instinctively just want to have him out of there but that may not be the best thing long term.

Meet the SENCO and get the feedback. The teacher could probably have phrased it better, maybe you weren't really ready to listen to what she said as you were put on the spot, can you face asking for a proper session where you can calmly go through what she feels is the problem. You may be better off working with the current school for now at least, to establish what the issue is and give him some continuity while you do so, rather than offer a further upheaval which may simply transfer the problems elsewhere and defer arriving back at this same point.

They may not currently have the staffing levels to supervise him closely enough for his and the other children's safety at lunch break. However if he does have SN they may be able to get funding to provide a level of supervision and one to one support which will help him. A new start may be a longer term option but only once his behaviour is better understood and you are reassured that his needs can be better met by another school.

I don't see what grounds you need to see a paediatrician tbh on what you have said in your OP.

Some kids just don't know how to behave. It doesn't mean they have SN.

I don't think that changing schools is the answer tbh, not until you have a definitive answer as to what the issue might be.

Given the senco wants to meet with you it does sound as if the school does want to address this long-term, but in the short-term there are children who are afraid to come to school because of your ds, and the school have a responsibility to those children as well.

If lunchtime is a particularly difficult period behavior-wise, then perhaps taking him out at lunchtime will make things easier for him and for the other children until such time as your ds can get some additional assessments and subsequent help.

cat I think that riven was under the impression the child in question does have some sn.

But as he doesn't (or hasn't as yet been diagnosed as having any) I agree that 1-1 support is not possible in the current circs.

I also agree that by moving schools op will just be moving the problem somewhere else.

I think you have grounds to see an educational pyschologist. It can't be just behaviour. I think they're laying a lot at your door as parents there.

A speech delay, being less co-operative and more prone to melt-downs, less motivated to conform with other children, playing alonside other children...... all of that points to PDD I'd guess.

Maybe ABA would help him understand what is expected of him in a school setting, and help him to do this easily.

I assumed from the OP that the moving schools issue was based on the fact that the school he is currently at was not their first choice, but chosen mistakenly just because it was closer.

I take from that that the OP had reason to believe that the other school would be a better fit, for whatever reason, so perhaps moving there would make a difference.

Obviously the OP would need to look closely at both schools and their policies/facilities to help a child with her DS's needs, once they have established exactly what those needs are via all the appointments she has lined up with specialists, etc.

Awaywiththefairies, sorry if these questions seem too forward and irrelevant, but did he meed all his milestones, at 18 months and at 3?

Ok, I haven't looked at the school links yet. But why are they saying they WILL start a chart with him but HAVEN'T??? It is quite extreme (IME) to have to send such a small child home for lunch, without first trying some other techniques with him. I do remember a reception child being sent home for lunch, after a lot of work was done with him after hitting and biting etc. his Mum was lovely but not strict enough with him, eventually he calmed down though and managed to come back into school for his lunch. he was quite wild when he first started, but he loved to be helpful and have responsibilty. TBH I am surprised that they are suggesting he go home for lunch, yet you haven't met with the SENCO yet.....

Not that it always means anything, but obviously the second school's website looks a million times better. But the other one does say under construction

maxi they were talking about sending him home for lunch after only 3 days!!!
yes hes met all his milestones maggie but he does/did have delayed speach and has had 2 lots of speach therapey

Away - of course you can take him home for lunch. He isn't 5 yet - he doesn't have to be at school so you can arrange with them that he will have a longer lunchtime in order to accomodate this. The extra walks will probably be a plus as well - exercise doesn't just benefit adults, it will boost his feelings of well being and allow him to be constructively active after being limited in the classroom all morning.

Regarding the other school - all schools say they give lots of help - but you still have to work with them to achieve it and moving him three months in to his school career because of problems at the other school will be very unsettling. A huge upheaval for him - and for what? In all probability the same problems because he was like this at nursery too wasn't he?

Is it fair to name the school on here.

I would guess if he is still having speech therapy that his behavior is largely due to frustration. Other children are not kind about communication disorders, as I found when ds1 started school.

Put it to the teacher like this.

She has a whole orange STUCK in her mouth. She is desperately trying to tell her colleague something vital. The colleague walks off immediately, saying "YOu're stupid.I'm not talking to you"

That is what school with a speech delay is like. Every fucking day. It's no surprise he kicks, hits and bites!

Hmmm......but he very obviously needs some help, after reading the other thread. (I mean that in the nicest possible way btw!!!)I agree, it is not always best to just heave them away straight away, but tbh, even the worse schools I have worked in have never given up this easily. I do think you should try and stay calm and level headed about it, and say nothing about moving him yet. Go and listen to the senco and see what is said from that, take it from there. It all seems a bit up in the air tbh though......is he only like this at lunch times and do they ave other issues with him in the class??

comeonfab iv put a link on for the school

colditz you have got it in a nutshell there!

i really dont know what to do i think his behavoiur is worse when he is tyred he was up in the night last night
another reason i dont want him coming home for lunch
maggie whats PDD and ABA?
riven whats LEA? and how do i get a statment saying he needs 1 to 1? as i feel that will really help him
they do have some issues in the classroom too he wanders off aparentley

byrons website has been under construction for months!!