the school had me in tears today .....

[AwayWithTheFaries]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/858294-please-help-me-with-ds-39-s-behaviour-its-getting

see my thread here for some background

as of last Wednesday we cut out sweets, chocolate and TV and last Thursday,Friday and Monday the school said he was OK

picked him up today and got called in by the teacher
he got taken in from playing on the bikes and trikes for biting and lunchtime he was hurting the other children
the teacher is adamant that hes got to go home for lunch from next Monday and that she has got children that don't want to go to school because of my ds
oh and this is the best bit they haven't got the manpower to watch him all the time and give him the help and support he needs

i had to walk away at that point in tears before i exploded and i told them that if they cant help him he wont be coming back

the schools senco wants to see us to discuss her observation she did the other day

I'm waiting for the health visitor to ring me and i have a GP app on thursday and am waiting to see a behaviour liaison officer

i don't think I'm going to send him back to the school and I'm going to ring the head tomorrow and I'm going to change schools to the one i wanted him to go to but didn't send him to like a fool i went for the closest school in my pregnant state as i didn't want to be walking too far in the cold with a new baby (fool emicon)
thanks for reading if you made it this far and any advice will be great

which is the same as naming it

PDD

and LEA is local education authority

how do i get him referred to a educational psychologist? also some of the thing on that PDD website ring bells
my dad has got asperger's and really struggles in social situations and crowds and my dp is dyslexic and my half brother and sister have autism so there could have been something passed down the line
and how do i go about getting the 1 to 1 support?

The SENCO is the person to speak to first. Arrange a meeting to review her observations and the concerns of the teacher. She can explain what they can offer within the school (known as School Action) and put an IEP (Individual Education Plan) place with very specific short term goals for your ds and a descripion of the method and support offered to achieve them. If she feels it is worth referring to an Ed Psych - and/or perhaps SALT again - (at which point it becomes School Action Plus)Once he has been assessed if he needs further day to day support beyond the school's resources they could help you apply for a Statement from LEA which, if successful, would oblige the LEA to fund specific resources. Given the crisis point this has apparently now reached it seems sensible to use the current school's experience to support your case but if the SENCO cannot help with referrals or there is a delay in being seen, your gp could refer via the Community Paediatrician. Alternatively you could pay for a private assessment but these are expensive and not always recognised by LEAs.

Remember this is very early days in your ds' schooling, he has a lot of upheaval to deal with recently - new school, baby etc which won't necessarily be easy for him even if he has no SN. It may be that some input now will resolve things longer term but you need to accept that he needs some support and take it from there. What you don't want to do is move him on a knee jerk reaction, then repeat the problem so that he starts to carry history around and faces more disruption if he has to move again.

good luck

I completely agree with Lizs's second paragraph.

(Actually, I think her whole post is very good )

I also think you should ask for your post with the links to the school to be deleted.

Agree with cat64 about not naming the school.

If he's getting really tired, could he just do half days for a while until he settles down? So you could pick him up at lunchtime, but then not take him back?

I have read both threads carefully and am trying to give some helpful advice.

Firstly, I think you need to put aside thoughts about the other school and what "might have been". The fact is, you did choose this school. I think it is important to work as hard as you can to make this school work for you and your ds. I feel it is unlikely you will find things are much different at the other school, even if you did move him, having had similar problems already at nursery. All schools have to work within the confines of the resources that they have.

I also think you need to take your ds's behaviour very seriously. The school at which I work currently sends one child home at lunchtime for similar reasons, that is, because he hits, kicks and bites other children on a regular basis. For the other children's safety we ask the parents to take this child home for lunch. The alternative is him sitting inside, outside the staffroom every single day. If he did this he would not get the exercise he needs, simply compounding the problem. The fact is, schools can only work with the resources they have. It is simply not possible to assign one member of staff to monitor and support one child. The other children deserve time and attention too.

You really need to get to the bottom of why it is your ds behaves as he does. As the SENCO has observed your son I would ask to meet her as soon as possible to discuss her findings. Then you all need to sit calmly and discuss the way forward, both to help your ds, and to benefit the other children too. Other posters are right. Whilst as teachers we all want to do our utmost to support individual children we do have to take in the needs and rights of other children too. It may be you need to look into having your ds assessed for sn. See what the SENCO says.

I would also urge you to delete your post naming both schools. It seems very unfair as they have no right to reply and their perception of the situation may be different from yours. Also, it is possible your ds could be identified by anyone who knows the school, which seems rather unfair on him.

i have spoken to the schools senco this morning she said that he flits from the activities not really settling on one for any length of time and doesn't engage with the other children
we have a meeting next Thursday with the head, the senco and his teachers
and I'm taking him to the GP tomorrow to chase up his pead referral and talk to them
i understand that the school has a duty of care to all their pupils and i will talk to them tomorrow about him maybe going back to half days then re introducing lunchtimes to ds or me staying at the school with him
I'm not sure how to get a post deleted i clicked report post and asked for it to be deleted
thank you all for your advice and i will let you know how we get on

Those actions sounds very positive AwayWithThe Faries. I hope that in doing mornings only for a short time, he will enjoy success which will mean that school is a positive place for him. The gradual introductions of lunchtimes, with appropriate support strategies introduced by the school and you will hopefully build on that success.

Reporting the post will indeed get it deleted - it just sometimes takes a little while.

Please keep us up to date with your progress.

Well done on taking the initiative and good luck with the meeting next week. Hope they are able to suggest strategies to relieve the situation.

OK so the meeting is tomorrow at 9am
dp is coming with me
what questions should i be asking?
ds has been on half days this week but he knows something is up
he made me well up last night
dp went up to settle him and ds said hes scared and dp said don't be silly you have nothing to be scared of but i have dad he said and he said iv got no friends and I'm not allowed to play with the skittles or the tractor or this or that and his eczema has flared up
it breaks my heart oh and 3 or 4 other kids in the playground are calling him the 'naughty boy'

Awaywiththefairies - just read your other post and your situation is so, so similar to ours with our little boy, aged 4.9 yrs.

No real advice right now, as I am finding the whole situation stressful and confusing, too - but just wanted you to know you are not alone and I completely understand how you feel seeing your little boy go through this

thank you mrsmattie hope you get things sorted