Nearly lost it with dd1 (3.5). Anyone have some kind words for me or am I just the crap, useless parent I think I might be.

[suiledonne]

DD1 has asthma and eczema. For a long time the eczema was quite bad on her legs and put her off wearing trousers, leggings or tights. It flared up at the start of the summer in June since it was warm I gave up on trousers and got her some nice skirts and dresses.

Now the weather is a lot colder I just cannot get her to put trousers on. Her asthma is awful lately, triggered by colds and she has been in hospital 3 times recently.

I am really trying to keep her dressed. She fights me at every turn. All I hear all day from DH, MIL, my mother, my sister is

'It's too cold. SHe has to be dressed. She'd get ill again. Just dress her'. on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on

And I can't take it anymore. She was ok for the last 2 days but will not put any trousers on today. I have tried and tried and she has fought me til I lost my temper and put her in the travel cot. I want to smack her but I know it won't help. I am fighting the instinct.

What will I do? I am in tears and dd2 is upset with all the carry on.

I have to put trousers on a struggling, screaming kid so often, I don't even notice it anymore. Just get some soft ones that she can't undo before you can whip her away and distract. Fleece is soft and warm. Also, great advise with letting her put her favorite dress on regardless of what you put on her. Looks very bohemian and might make her feel better. You can make a big deal ou of letting her choose it (after explaining it will be on top of what she needs to wear for her astma).

But also, you sound very ground down by your and your dh's families. You need to be looking for good solutions that work for you and dd, and not feeling got at and fearful about their reactions.

There are lots of good suggestions here. Can you talk with your dh etc about trying to find something that works, rather than it being, as it sounds at the moment, them coming round and blaming you for not having cracked it yet?

I have had horrible times trying to get my 3.5 year old DS into almost anything at times. He has sensitive skin and I agree with the comments about layers of clothing and warmth aggravating the problem.

Knowing a little bit about immunology (not medical, but training in public health) I don't think being cold does make them more likely to catch cold. But DS had bouts of tonsilitis and everything going last winter, and it was hard not to relate it to his refusal to wear more than 1 T-shirt!Why don't you speak to her paediatrician - I am sure (s)he wouldn't mind being consulted?

At rock bottom with DS last winter, bribery was a big winner. 'We are going to put your jumper on and then go downstairs and find a chocolate button'.

Otherwise, any combination of clothes that provide extra warmth - however weird it looks!

And if necessary, stating what's going to be worn and sitting out the tantrum - I spent hours with DS last year going through this stage ...

And don't blame yourself. Loads of 3 year olds seem to get irrational about clothes and because it IS so irrational it's incredibly wearing at the best of times. If you're worried about her health as well it must be dreadful.