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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Ok, gimme the lowdown on two-and-a-half year olds, because I need to get a grip quick!

52 replies

phdlife · 15/10/2009 12:04

we've been having a LOT of stress round here and I must've taken my eye off the ball for a second - all of a sudden he's stepped up a rung or six on the development ladder and I don't have much sense of what's going through his head any more.

for instance all of a sudden he cannot follow any simple commands, whereas he used to be helpful and cooperative. In fact he seems utterly unable to hear anything I say any more, no matter how I try to connect first. he's too busy being into EVERYTHING and I can't keep up, sudenly seem to spend the entire day putting things further out of reach, getting him down, stopping him writing on/poking/crushing his baby sister, etc etc.

It's been making me feel like I should consider some family daycare, partly to give me (and 6m-old dd) a break, partly so ds gets the stimulation/guidance that clearly I'm not managing to supply since I have to, y'know, cook dinner and stuff. Or am I just going bonkers now?

I know toddlers are like that, but I

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Littlemissmischief · 15/10/2009 13:25

Hey Phdlife, welcome to the terrible twos is all I can say! They are fab arent they lol. My ds was exactly the same, answered back to everything, did the exact oppostie to what was asked, didnt sit still for longer than 2 seconds at a time, and was into everything that was wrong or dangerous. My only bit of good news I can give you is that my DS is 3 in a couple of weeks and we are coming out the other side of it now and he is turning into a polite, lovely little boy. So bascially you need to ride it out, and make a desicion on which things to let go (otherwise you will be stressing evety second and always shouting) and which to get serious about (otherwise he will think he can get away with everything). It is hard to find the line though.
And I also think anything you can do where he can let of steam, playgroups or the park etc.. will help with calming him down and things where he helps you or you give him responsibility (like helping you with dinner or looking after his little sis) then he might feel more grown up and calm down slightly.

Good luck hun x

Clare123 · 15/10/2009 13:29

Mine is the same- nightmare. I will come back with advice later....but my LO is asleep and I am shattered from our morning so going to have a 5 mins break. He does this to me every day. He exhuasts me.

blondemumma · 15/10/2009 14:20

Totally agree, is hard work and sometimes all you get is "No"! I find distracting him with fun things works well (making ordinary activities sound fun) and asking for his help. And I try to focus on all the good things he's done in the day - eg been polite, used the potty, waited for me. I praise him loads. And I often barter, eg "Go to the potty first, then you can watch Chuggington".

anneke1 · 15/10/2009 14:37

My DS just turned three have lost nearly a stone in last six months, he is a bundle of energy and just never seems to tire out. However find lots of exercise, playing in park riding bike, long walks with dog help to take the edge off. In truth however I end up more exhausted than him.
On a brighter note it has become easier over the last month and seems to have developed a small amount of scense which makes a big difference. Good Luck

MrsBadger · 15/10/2009 14:58

any chance you could fork out for nursery/playgroup/preschool a few mornings a week?

if nothing else it will a) give you a break with dd b) knacker him so he naps in the afternoon and c) migth give you some ideas re stuff to occupy him at home - eg I had never thought of giving dd (2.2) scissors till I saw her gaily hacking away at a Next catalogue at nursery...

if not then drafting family is a good plan - just to let someone else chase him round the park will help

TrinityHasAVampireRhino · 15/10/2009 15:03

gecko is 2.8

the only way I can describe this age from about 2 to 3 years is an absolute whirlwind who believes they are untouchable. they do a million things a day, never listen, dont want help etc

she is amazingly adorable but a fucking nightmare

good luck to all with a toddler

nouveaupauvre · 15/10/2009 21:36

know exactly what you mean, ds is 2.5 and suddenly developed fantastically wilful tendencies. my only two useful tips are
a) with boys particularly, they seem to just need to run. and run. and run. ds is always much nicer to deal with (much like the dog actually) after a looong walk in the park involving lotsof wearing out. hard if you have a baby i know and are knackered but if you can shove baby in sling and get out, do it as much as possible.
b) allowing them to save face when being told to do things. we do a lot of bargaining (if you lie quietly and have a nappy change now, you can play with whatever is most desired/forbidden object afterwards; if i say it's time for bath and he resists, i say ok five more minutes playing then in the bath - and of course, you say it's bathtime five minutes before it needs to be but he feels like he ha got something out of it.
c) contemplating my nephew, who was exactly the same at this age, and is now a real charmer two years on. it does pass

Squiglet · 15/10/2009 22:10

so glad i found this thread. Just started another as thought i was a shite parent as my toddler is a non stop tornado. Completely wonderful and loveable but hectic, into everything and mostly unco-opperative. He sees nappy and he's gone and legged it laughing his little head off. I no longer feel alone doesnt help that at recent party all the other kids were doing everything that was organised. Mien devoured all the food he could get his mitts on and then charged around like a lunatic trying to escape shouting DOORDOORDOORDOORDOORDOORDOORDOORDOOR... we left.

robino · 15/10/2009 22:21

Oohhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm not sure I like this thread. I knew that I had got off lightly with DD1 who is 2.9 and occassionally displays these tendencies but is generally quite biddable (as long as I take many deep breaths at her contrary-ness). Unfortunately DD2 is already displaying all these tendencies and she's only 15 months . D'y reckon she'll just go through the "twos" early or are they going to be very long and protracted ? I'm frightened!

robino · 15/10/2009 22:22

occasionally

Squiglet · 15/10/2009 22:25

robino - mine is 21 months and been going for about 5 months on some parts so hahahahahaha

heartofgold · 15/10/2009 22:27

there's a reason playgroup starts at 2 1/2 a couple of mornings apart would probably do you all the world of good.

robino · 15/10/2009 22:29

Thanks then, Squiglet you weirdy furry cat drawing thing

Squiglet · 15/10/2009 22:36

I really should try toddler group.. but that is just terrifying.

(Robino - Thanks i'm going to need counselling now.... Just because i love to draw with my squiggle sticks and everyone likes louie more. He's a drug taking bunny beater, but no-one cares about that.

)

robino · 15/10/2009 22:41

Don't like Louie either so am not just picking on you . Agree that toddler group is terrifying but if you go before you start your "being a weirdy furry thing" counselling then maybe you can get a job lot and combine it with "the after effects of toddler group" counselling....

Squiglet · 15/10/2009 22:43

Original poster

phdlife · 16/10/2009 12:37

I'm sorry, I do tend to post then go to bed!

hmmm, kinda happy to see this thread (at least I'm not alone), kinda y'know, not so thrilled!

some of what he gets up to, I understand - feeling his oats, testing his powers (that'd be the climbing on the chair to reach the mantlepiece), discovering what happens if he does X or Y (such as biting the baby today ), but he isn't being outright defiant (mostly). It's more like the connections between his ears, brain and fingers have been completely severed. That's the weird bit. He'll look at me and hear the words but be utterly, utterly unable to, say, keep his fingers out of the cake mix. That's the bit I don't get.

And yes, a bundle of curious energy. Smart, curious energy. Can't believe some of what he thinks up!

OP posts:

BoysAreLikeDogs · 16/10/2009 12:43

yy to lots of outdoor activity

I read somewhere about how toddlers process instructions, lemme think; it was something about when one says 'don't eat the cakes' they only process 'eat the cakes' or something.

yy to playgroup or nursery

NorbertDentressangle · 16/10/2009 12:51

You have my sympathy, I remeber this stage well.

BALD -I remember that, its something to do with the phrasing isn't it...less negative, more positive or something eg. "we'll leave the cakes alone" rather than "DON'T touch the cakes".

Also it helps if you can be one step ahead of them in preempting what they're going to do/how they'll react (easier said than done I know!) so you can divert them before things go horribly wrong. Distraction is a wonderful thing as they forget what they were about to destroy/climb/throw a wobbly about

MrsBadger · 16/10/2009 13:18

yes yes yes re positive phrasing - my top success story has been substituting 'Just looking' for 'Don't touch'

BubbaAndBump · 16/10/2009 13:22

Oooh, great to know it's not just my angel who's turned into she-devil. Guaranteed the words "no" or "don't" will result in it being done again, but this time harder or quicker and with a glint in her eye.

Serious side of this though, she's just learned to get into the bath on her own and turn the taps on. Our hot water can be scaldingly hot and she needs the bathroom door open for the joys of potty training. Any ideas?

MrsBadger · 16/10/2009 14:04

turn down hot water temp at boiler control?

BoysAreLikeDogs · 16/10/2009 14:10

gawd yes bubba. turn the water temp down today. should be a control on the side of your water tank, or on your boiler.

v v dangerous if she can turn hot tap on

PuppyMonkey · 16/10/2009 14:13

Oh, welcome to my world. I am just exhausted with my 2.5 yr old.

Shh. I am off work all next week, but shhh she is still going to CM and nursery cos I just can't face a whole week of looking after her none stop. Shhh.

Arianrhod · 16/10/2009 14:41

Oh thank goodness for this thread. After a thoroughly cr@p day yesterday with my 2yr 9mo daughter I've been feeling like the worst mummy in the world. Lots of crying, wobblies being thrown (her), getting cross (me) (I know, I know, I shouldn't ... but it's tough when all you're meeting is resistance!), more tears, more defiance ... all this, and she's already at nursery 4 days a week (I work full-time), so I only have her at home 1 weekday a week. Problem I find is that I'm also trying to work as I work from home that one day a week, and she wants my attention - and probably someone to play with. So when I'm trying to do something else - which is a lot of the time - she plays up. Hugely. It's a frustrating, seemingly never-ending loop. And I feel like the meannest, most horrible mummy in the world, and feeling like she thinks that too

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