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Original poster

Appropriate punishment for breaking a dvd for a 3yr old...

54 replies

PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 14/10/2009 16:38

DD came in from shops with DH, spent the afternoon with him there with friends, gave them a lift. She has been good for them all afternoon.

I am at home, feeling a bit poorly.

She comes in, picks up a DVD which I stupidly left by the dvd player, unbeknown to me. She was posting it through cabinet drawers when I noticed she had it, and when I took it off her it is cracked.

It is her, and my favourite dvd, My Neigbor Totoro. I took it off her and told her she had broken it. She said 'i am sowwy mama' but I do not think she really knows what this means other than she says it when mama or daddy is annoyed about something.

Anyway, she immediately says what am I going to watch now? I wanted to watch it. I said she can't as it is broken. She wants to watch scooby doo, but I said no tv, she wants computer but I said no computer, but DH said computer is fine (changed his mind when I flashed my peepers at her). She then got down from sofa when asked not to, and knocked a glass over, spilt it all over the floor, again my fault as I left it there.

Problem is, we have builders here who have power tools in the hallway atm and she cannot go and play in her room, it is noisy, she is tired and there is not much else that will keep her calm. So we sat and cuddled and read a book.

Then she asked to watch tv nicely. I said ok, but only if she promises to be a good girl, but no scooby doo as she has broken the dvd.

She now really really wants scooby doo and I have said no.

I do not want it to go unchallenged this breaking of a dvd, as she needs to learn to look after her things and not be like, oh its broken, nevermind I will do something else, but I do not really know how to handle this today...

have I been too lenient, not lenient enough? Right punishment, completely inappropriate punishment? I just could not think of what else to do, but do not think she really has any clue of consequences or what breaking the dvd means, she has already moved on

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Disenchanted3 · 14/10/2009 17:24

And she said sowwy! bless her!

Original poster
PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 14/10/2009 17:24

oh how cool! I might replace it you know. But not yet. At some point in the future. I am not sure I can bear not to have it. It is time when we both snuggle and it is one of the only things she sits still for, for the entire thing.

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Disenchanted3 · 14/10/2009 17:27

I've never heard of it, what is it?

Original poster
PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 14/10/2009 17:27

crockky i did not know she could write letters either until this afternoon. I get what you mean - has the understanding not to touch. I thought she did, thought she had enough comprehension to give some punishment, she knows other things, like not to touch mummy's make up box, not to touch certain ornaments and if DH touches them (if he is getting my make up for me, for example, not wearing it!) she will say 'don't touch that daddy, its mummy's'. I guess she is not there yet though.

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IMoveTheStarsForNoOne · 14/10/2009 17:28

She's a bit young for it yet, but have you seen Laputa? It's amazing.

Can't wait until DS is old enough to enjoy my Ghibli catalogue

Disenchanted3 · 14/10/2009 17:29

Ohh,

I see, is it for kids though?

we got 'flight of the fireflies' and it scared me a bit

Original poster
PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 14/10/2009 17:31

disenchanted she says sorry so sweetly. I normally melt. Guess I just had my hard hat on today what with the builders and all.

my neighbor totoro is a studio ghibli anime film, about 2 little girls who get to know a wood spirit called Totoro, set in Japan. Ghibli has done other stuff too, most famously the anime film Spirited Away. His work is just amazing. It is as great for the adults as the children imo. Some are not quite suitable for a 3yo, but this is.

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Original poster
PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 14/10/2009 17:34

imovethestars not yet no, need to though. DD has watched MNT since she was about 1 year, maybe younger, my friend is obsessed with ghibli (she does not even have children!) and she puts it on in the background, has done ever since DD was a baby!

I also love Howl's Moving Castle, but too old for DD now I think, bit scary.

Have not seen Flight of the Fireflies either.

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Disenchanted3 · 14/10/2009 17:34

Opps. its grave of the fireflies and thats not for kids,

there was one DH got and it was supposed to be for kids, i can't remember what, but it was freaky!

Might try it

Trikken · 14/10/2009 17:36

ooh love 'spirited away' and the such like, may have to see this one too. Dh is into anime in a big way too.

Disenchanted3 · 14/10/2009 17:37

it was spirited away!

was scary!

Original poster
PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 14/10/2009 17:39

Yes, Spirited Away, a little too old for the youngsters - but same animator as My Neighbour Totoro.

I like to watch it in Japanese with english subtitles.

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slimeoncrazydemon · 14/10/2009 17:43

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LeninGhoul · 14/10/2009 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NanaNina · 15/10/2009 00:19

I am completely amazed that this thread is about "punishing" a 3 year old - this in my view is a wholly inappropriate thing to do, especially for "breaking" a DVD which the child couldn't have possibly helped. As someone else said she was merely copying what she had seen done, slipping a DVD into a slot! I worry about the OPs comment "I will consider a less harsh punishment in future" - oh please remember she is 3. Children of this age should not be punished.

LadyEvenstarsCauldren · 15/10/2009 00:39

This is similar to what has happened in my home. DP has a ps3 (well its familys really) and I kept telling asking him to move it because ds2 was posting dvs, cds, games etc in it, I also told asked him to put a shelf up to put all dvds, games, cd's on.....he never....the result?? a £400 games console which will not accept or eject any disc....he can't tell ds2 off but i did tell him off say told you so!

Trikken · 15/10/2009 09:29

NanaNina, they have to know what they have done is wrong though, otherwise they will grow up thinking that breaking things is ok, by three the do know quite a lot. The way you write it sounds like Pav has been terribly nasty to her dd about it, when she hasnt.

IMoveTheStarsForNoOne · 15/10/2009 10:18

God, I discipline my almost 2yo! (mildy - if he's throwing something it gets taken away, if he's hit someone he has to sit on the floor for a minute etc)

NanaNina · 15/10/2009 19:58

Trikken - yes agreed they have to know when they've done wrong but the child was simply imitating something she had seen an adult do - this is how children learn isn't it. I agree that taking something off a child who is throwing is appropriate but surely a simple "oh dear it's broken now, you have to be careful with DVDs" would have "filled the bill."

pranma · 15/10/2009 20:15

It was an accident!Dont punish her at all-she couldnt watch it because it was broken-cause and effect-nothing more needed.

Original poster
PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 16/10/2009 03:30

nananina I do not agree that no punishment at all is necessary. She is aware enough to know not to play with cds. She has a fast developing brain, and I beleive she ^is& at the right developmental stage to learn and understand cause and effect. She knows not to post things, this is something she has learnt long before now, after losing a noddy dvd down the floor boards (no punishment at all then, she was heartbroken, and i rescued it for her) when she was younger and she stopped posting things for a long time. I have accepted that the fact the dvd is broken is punishment enough, but she has to know she has done wrong, and what the consequences are!

(i too have learnt a lesson, remove all the dvds from her reach)

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CJCregg · 16/10/2009 03:43

Mind if I join in?

I think it's a pretty clear lesson for your DD that because she messed about with the DVD, it's now broken. Therefore she can't watch it. Quite hard for them to take that in sometimes, they seem to think you can magically fix it!

Any advice for me? Have just been downstairs for some water and discovered that DD (4) has scribbled in biro all over the arm of the sofa Came on mumsnet as I'm wide awake now and thought I'd see if anyone was up, and amazingly found this thread.

She was having a tantrum about going to bed earlier and stomped downstairs - this is something she does quite often, it's something we're working through and I thought things were getting better. I was saying goodnight to DS, and rather than chase her round the house I thought I'd wait for her to come back upstairs. Big mistake!

She's never done anything so deliberately destructive before. What would be a suitable punishment? She knows damn well she shouldn't have done that.

Original poster
PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 16/10/2009 03:56

Hey! No answers i am afraid! DD loves to scribble on sofas. she has chalk and chalkboard always accessible for a bit of artistic creativity whenever she likes, and all pens are out of bounds unless supervised with an adult (see, the whole dvd thing. She knows to put a pen lid on and put it back in its correct slot before taking another one out, but not to post a dvd over and over so it breaks? youngsters eh?). I also know that chalk does not necessarily wash off walls so easily

But that does not help your current dilemma .

Take it you are not in UK?

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CJCregg · 16/10/2009 04:02

No, I'm in UK, just wide awake for some reason ...

I'm so gobsmacked that she's done this, I really don't know what to do. She's sleeping like butter wouldn't melt at the moment, but she must know I'm going to find it. I'm going to have to make a big deal about it, but just don't know exactly how ... we have friends coming at the weekend, so can't withhold treats without affecting the others. Don't know what to do, am in 4am panic!

Original poster
PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 16/10/2009 04:07

I hate 4am panic...i get that a lot recently. the other morning i was stressing about whether to varnish or paint new skirting boards. seriously got me stressed, went round and round my head.

I have done neither .

At age 4, older than my dd so more understanding of doing wrong - could you start by asking her why she did this? would she be able to answer that?

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