Concern over relative's toddler not talking

[lovechoc]

DS's cousin is the same age as DS and has not said any words yet (he is two and a half years old). He has never said 'mama' or 'dada'. I said to the dad that maybe he ought to check with HV/GP to see if there's anything that's wrong, but the chances are he is just a bit slow with development and it's probably nothing to worry over. He said they aren't worrying and that he will get there eventually.

Would you contact a HV if your child was like this??

I personally was concerned when I heard this (haven't seen their DS for over a year now). What's your opinion? Anyone else experience this?

IMO there is never an easy way to broach a subject like this.

Tbh, a child that isn't saying any recognizeable words at all at 2.5 is unusual and if it were my child I would be concerned. if the child isn't eating solid food and is gagging too though there could be a link between that and the child's lack of speech, as the muscles used for speech and the muscles used for eating are linked in some way. In fact children with feeding problems are often referred to speech therapists - even babies. But you need moondog for that - she's a salt and would be able to tell you more.

I realize that I might be flamed for this, but I'm not sure about the attitude that it's their child and up to them to seek help. Surely if a child is not developing normally (and I hesitate to use the word normal as it's subjective obviously), the parents have some responsibility towards that child to get him/her help? Is it really ok to turn a blind eye under the statement that it's their child to treat as they see fit? Even if the child could get help for their difficulties? Does there not come a point at which not seeking help for your child becomes a welfare issue?

If a child had a health problem that the parents did not get help for - even if it was something mild, people would have no hesitation in telling the parents they should get help. So why should it be any different if the child is perceived to have a delay? And by delay I'm talking about older children obv, not a child who isn't crawling at twelve months or talking in sentences iyswim.

I would be very wary of blaming your nephew's lack of interaction on things like not being taken out enough or the parents not interacting with him.

If you have a child who just isn't interested in socialising then it's absolutely exhausting trying to get through to them in some way. If your child either hates toddler groups or is completely oblivious to it all then eventually you just give up going.

I heard lots of comments (usually passed on via relatives) about how my ds might be able to talk if I spoke to him more or if I took him out more. It was annoying to start with. After a while it was bloody infuriating. I can see why your BIL and SIL would avoid inviting people round, however well-meaning those visitors might be.

Your MIL might have good intentions but if she keeps up with the badgering about her grandson's development and talks about his parents in the way she does to you, there is a good chance that they will start avoiding her altogether.

wannaBe I also feel that way, half of me thinks 'he is their child, it's their business, they know him better than anyone' but I also feel that if MIL is showing concern (and she doesn't cause any problems in the family, she knows when to keep her distance without being asked IYSWIM) then she is showing her concern for a valid reason - not because she wants to be bitchy, but because she cares. I am also genuinely concerned too and feel something really has to be done.

I do think myDH is right though, they may be suffering from 'ostrich syndrome'.

sorry, I didn't mean him not go to groups or swimming meant it was causing his speech delay. I was adding these details to broaden the picture a bit about his life.

People do think that though sometimes, was at playgroup the other day and the staff were talking about a little girl who didn't interact and one of the mothers said "it makes you wonder what kind of interaction they get at home"...maybe it's human nature to think that, I don't know.

Anyway, on a more helpful note,....even if you say they won't do anything, once he starts at nursery there is a good chance the staff will notice something is up and talk to them and possibly encourage them to seek help.

So your MIL doesn't have to feel it's all HER responsibility and all rests on her shoulders..if there is a problem it should be picked up at some point. Maybe that will take the pressure off?

I will be forever grateful to the (not close at all) friend who suggested I get ds2 checked for autism. I knew, really, that there was something up, but was feeling guilty for thinking like that about my lovely boy.

Would your mil suggest a hearing test? That might at least get him 'into the system' and if there are any other probs they're more likely to get flagged up.

But, as others have said, maybe they are doing this and just not telling anyone. And it might turn out to be nothing, but 21/2 is quite old to have no words at all.

It could well be that they are in the middle of some sort of assessemtn and don't want to talk about it. It could well be that they don't want to talk to the gossipy mother. It could be a million things.

WannaBe - The government will never turn it into a welfare issue because then they would be forced to actually provide help to all those children who are already in the system but are stuck on long waiting lists. For every family who don't want to seek help, there are probably thousands desperate for help who are getting nowhere.

I know when my ds1 was put on the waiting list for pre-school OT we were warned that it was highly likely he would never get to the top of the list. They were right. At 4yrs old he was transferred to the school OT list and eventually was given access to the OT clinic at 7yrs old.

Fanjo think I will mention the nursery point to MIL. I did think of that, but he won't start until next year at some point, around August (if they take him, that is - not everyone takes their kids to nursery).

Just wanted to add that I have a (not so close) friend whose DS has similar symptoms with regards to late walking, late talking and difficulties eating solids all due to a muscular condition.

I was grateful to the people who mentioned dd's difficulties to me. And it is a lasting grief to me that I did not react quickly enough: I know she has suffered because of that and her life might well have been different. Whether I felt I was being blamed or not wouldn't have mattered so much if she had had better support earlier. It wasn't about me.

cory I'm so sorry to hear about your DD, but now she is receiving help and you weren't to know what was going on. Don't ever blame yourself, parenting is bloody difficult and we always have so many decision to make about these LOs.

I've had things pointed out to me by another mum about my DS and I actually agreed with her about the point she was making. I wasn't offended, however I know that not everyone has that kind of personality and will take offence easily about comments made of their own DC. Ofcourse, it's hard not to take offence, because it's almost like they are making a dig at your parenting skills, when infact it's actually just people looking out for you and your DC. I suppose it depends how you choose to look at it.