DD1 says preschool teacher smacked her. What do I do? Long, sorry.

[suiledonn]

DD1 is 3.4. She started pre-school on 1st of September, 3 days per week. She went the first week and although she cried when I left she got on OK. Unfortunately she became ill (asthma, chest infection) and so missed the full second week. I took her in on the Friday to talk to her teacher and she seemed excited about going back.

She went in with a bit of resistance on the Monday but didn't really want to go on Tuesday. I took her in and she was fine when I left. When I collected her she was really upset. I could only speak to the teacher briefly but she said dd had been crying on and off, refused to sit for her lunch and wouldn't do anything they asked her. She reassured me that this is common and said I should try to help her be more independent at home.

On Tuesday evening she was playing when DH and when he tickled her she started crying and said 'that's my sore arm that the teacher smacked'. She was really upset so I just comforted her and let it go.

Later on I sat down and asked her about it. She said the teacher wanted them to make a line and she wouldn't do it so the teacher smacked her. I thought maybe the teacher caught her by the arm to put her in the line but she demonstrated to me and it was clearly a smack.

DD couldn't go in on Wednesday because of an appointment so she is due to go back tomorrow. I have been worrying about it all week. It is the pre-school in the local primary school. We know loads of families who send their children there and have never heard a bad report. On the other hand it is not like dd ran out saying 'teacher smacked me'. She had a sore arm and was very clear in what she told me.

I know I need to speak to the teacher but what do I say? I can't walk in there accusing her on smacking but I believe dd that something happened. I am stressed out. I put off posting about this all week as I was trying to decide what is for the best.

DD clearly needs pre-school. She is very nervous around other children and very resistant to following rules etc so I think if she can settle in it would be very good for her.

Help. I am going round in circles.

hi suiledonn , did you get a chance to talk to your dd's teacher this morning ? hope everything turned out OK
for you & dd .

Suiledonn my son came from centre de loisirs (in France that's where they go on Wendesdays, it's in their schools usually, but different staff) saying that the one of the staff hit him on the head. I went there next day ( after asking one of his friend and him confirming this) and talked to the head in a very polite etc way, she went to ask the guy who admitted that he did smack him ( albeit supposedly lightly) on the head as he was lagging behind on the outing or something like that. He got fired immediately.
So, sometimes it can happen. Best I think is to go to the head and say in a very nice way what your DD has told you and that you're concerned. Teacher might deny it. Do you know other mums who could ask their DCs if they had seen anything?

Hi everyone, I had a talk with the teacher. She apologised and said she forgot dd wouldn't be in the following day after the incident as she didn't get a chance to talk to me away from dd on the day it happened.

Basically, it is what some posters expected. DD was refusing to join the line to the extent she was pusing others when trying to run away. The teacher caught her by the elbow to hold her in the line and dd got upset.

I am happy with her explanation. DD has always been treated very gently at home and it is understandable that she misread the situation.

She has been much better this week. More settled and tears only once that resolved quickly so it seems she has forgotton all about it.

DD has made a friend now and was quite excited to go in today so fingers crossed.

Thanks everyone for their concern and advice.

That should read pushing other children.

ah thats great news glad its all sorted now

Thanks elmo, I really want it to work out for her sake. She is such a bright, loving little thing but I feel I have made life harder, not easier for her by always wrapping her in cotton wool.

From other threads we've been on your dd sounds similar in some ways to my dd so I think you understand.

yep im guilty of doing the same , but by sending her to preschool you are letting her gain her own independence which will do her the world of good preparing her for big school next year ,
i keep telling myself that anyway

Glad you got it sorted. Not too sure I agree that your DD misread the situation, if she has never been manhandled by an adult, let alone an adult she does not know, i would think it is a frightening experience and she would have had trouble linking it to her refusal to stand in line.

Good that she is beginning to settle in.

My DD told me a boy had pushed her, my DP said they bumped into each other, she insisted that the boy had pushed her and said he was a naughty boy, given what my DP said, i thought that she had mis read the situation and was in the throws of explaining it was an accident when the boy's mum came over and began apologizing saying her son had indeed hit my DD!!!

So, I'm inclined to believe my DD and will like posters have suggested here, always give her the benefit of the doubt while getting more information.

(PS I was annoyed with DP for trivializing it)

I think dd misread it in the sense of being smacked. I believe that she was handled physically in a stronger way than I have ever done and this upset her. She seems fine now and I don't want to dwell on it with her.

I cringe sometimes when I see MIL dealing with my dds because she is, in my opinion, quite rough with them when dressing, changing etc but they don't seem to notice.