I wouldn't go so far as to call the playdate a complete disaster, but....

[Earlybird]

...would like some impartial feedback and advice please.

DD and I were invited to join a group of my friends at a ticketed evening festival held in an enclosed section of a park. So that dd would have someone to play with, we invited one of her good school friends to come along. So far, so good....

Shortly after we arrived, we happened to see three families whose children are in dd (and her friend's) year at the same school. DD and her pal (call her E) were thrilled to see these other children, and before we knew it, they were all running around and larking about. So far, so good......

About an hour in, dd came to say that she couldn't find E, and had been looking for quite a while. I came to look and after a good half hour of searching with torches in the dark, we discovered E in a far away grove of trees 'having a talk' with one of the boys from school. I said to E that it wasn't right to disappear in that way because we had been concerned, and that now found, she needed to come out and play with dd and the group. The children all ran off, until.....

10 minutes later, dd came to me in tears saying E and the boy were running away from her, and once again, she couldn't find them. When they hadn't appeared within another 10 minutes (or so), dd and I began searching once again for E and the boy. The boy's father joined in. We searched for over an hour, until finally the boy's father found them 'hiding and talking' around the back of a building.

I was furious at E's behaviour, and concerned for dd. Neither of us had a nice evening, as most of it was spent looking for E.

How would you have handled it in the moment? Would you have said anything to E? Should I say something to her Mum (who is a fairly good friend of mine)? I'm still fuming at E's treatment of dd and quite frankly, me. I certainly hadn't intended to spend the evening comforting dd and searching for E.

BTW, dd, E and friends are 8 and 9 years old.

I can understand why you might be upset for your daughter. It sounds like the other girl wanted to be with her other friend (the boy) more than she wanted to be with your daughter. A bit rude seeing as she came with your daughter and so was supposed to be enjoying time with her rather than sneaking off with another friend.

Not sure what you can do about it other than try to explain to your daughter, if she is upset by it, that sometimes these things do happen and perhaps next time there is another friend she would prefer to invite.

I agree with ravenAK and FimbleHobbs that Earlybird is getting a bit of a hard time here. Seems to me you were worried about her running off, and rightly so. But in that sort of situation it seems perfectly natural to me that 8 and 9 year old should be given a little bit of freedom. I'd be annoyed with E for treating my dd like that.

If I was E's mum, I might think that you had been irresponsible, as like every parent I'd think that MY dd would never just run off and hide, but ultimately I'd be v annoyed with E too for not doing as she was told when found the first time.

"I minded that she 'dumped' dd for almost the entire evening...."

"Ultimately there was very little enjoyable about the evening for dd or me, so it was a wasted evening for all involved."

Blimey. This 9 year old well and truly has the blame laid at her feet, doesn't she?

E found some other friends. She went off with them. Your DD found some other friends too. Did you encourage your DD to play with these others? Did you encourage your DD to stay and chat with you? Or did you validate your DD's feelings of rejection and say, perhaps as you were looking for E 'oh that naughty E, running away from you, I'm furious with her, etc. Now we'll have to go and look for her again...'

It sounds as if E was not going to 'play the game' from the get go. When you realized that, I think you could have perhaps tried to turn the focus away from her and onto your DD.

Sure, you wanted to know where E was, but as you say there were lots of children running around and she was actually with someone, not on her own, perhaps you could have relaxed a little more and made the best of the evening for your DD?

I totally disagree with most of you.

At 9 years old E is old enough to know that she should not hide, which the OP says that E said she was doing. She said she was deliberately hiding from the OP and OP's DD.

OP if I was E's mum, I would want you to tell me, tell me that E said she was deliberately hiding and that as soon as you realized you went looking for her. And I would not blame you.

I also wouldn't have let her out of my site after the first time, but that's 20/20 hindsight.

Of course, my DS is only 3 months, so according to other people I know, my opinion isn't worth crap. But I still have it and shared it.