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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

regret having kids?

58 replies

WaitingForVino · 07/08/2009 15:35

It's terribly un-PC (non-PC? whatever)
but I have to "say" it somehow: I wish I didn't have kids!!!
(runs away and hides to avoid flaming message of hatred surely aiming my way from capable mothers unlike me)

I started back to work a few months ago (after 3 years out), just 3 days a week. At first it was a very good work/life balance but lately I've dreaded the life bit -- my kids are driving me crazy! It's as if they save up all of their worst behaviour for the 2 days I'm at home with them on my own.

Working has reminded me how life used to be - when we had an income, and travelled (in peace), and slept past 6am on a weekend.

Can anyone remind me why I had children in the first place? Mine are 2 and 3yo. I want to run away...into the past preferably!!

(returns to hole in ground in shame)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BadGround · 26/05/2011 09:51

Hi there. Just wanted to post a message of support and say that although the thoughts never really go away, the 'painful' feelings hopefully will. (I posted a similar thread). The best thing I think that people can do to remedy this situation is to break the taboo and let everyone know that a regretful situation IS a possibility and NOT completely unheard-of! Hopefully if we spread an understanding sentiment, fewer people will end up in our situation.

At the moment, though, the best we can do is love. x

sotiredandfedup · 26/05/2011 13:11

I remember thinking, 'God, what have I done?' on a daily basis for the first 6 months of DS's life. Then, as I adjusted to a new life with a child, things got better. Then he hit the terrible toddler stage and I hated every minute of it. IMO, ages 2 - 3 are the worst, hard work, and not exactly stimulating for a grown up intelligent woman. But then things turned a corner wheh he hit about 4 and a half. I actually started to enjoy his company and we would have proper conversations and do more fun things together that stimulated me aswell as him. It's just got better from then on. Yes, he is still challenging sometimes and there are definitely still days when I wish I could lie in bed or go shopping all day and have lunch with my childless friends. But then I remember that one day, only a few years away really, he will be grown up and not wanting to spend time with his old mum anymore. He will want to be out with his friends or up in his room without me hanging around. So I try to treasure the time I have with him now while he still needs and wants me. They really are only small and needy for a short time in the great scheme of things.

sotiredandfedup · 26/05/2011 13:16

Following on from my earlier post, I guess what I am trying to say is that things will get better. At ages 2 and 3 they really are very young. As they get older their behaviour is less challenging and the things you can do together becomes more enjoyable for everyone. Having proper conversations with them will become very rewarding, I promise. They will be less needy as they grow and less of a strain on you. Hang on in there, I'm sure you will start to enjoy them as they grow.

ItsMeYourCathy · 27/05/2011 13:28

Sounds cheesey and so unlike me its scary, but every night as I'm trying to go to sleep I make a mental list of all the things I am thankful for to stave off the negativity. It works for me. x

FairyArmadillo · 27/05/2011 13:53

OP- I often sat in front of my laptop wanting to risk the wrath of Mumsnet by admitting the same thing. I've skimmed through this thread and feel a bit better to see this is normal when they are toddlers. My son is 3. He was a "surprise" and I'm a single mum. On most days I think he's the best thing that ever happened to me and I love spending time with him. On other days I wish I was on my own again and I feel terrible for feeling it. Usual happens when I'm worn out or haven't had much time to myself. Sometimes I just miss being a selfish, carefree singleton who can go out for a coffee and a cinema at the drop of a hat, or lie down on the couch without having to bat away the toy cars he's rolling over my legs.

jenmelbourne · 06/06/2011 08:54

In a nutshell, yes.
My DD is 5 1/2 now, and I really don't like her. If i'm honest, i never did.
A lot of it could be the fact that her "father" walked out when I was 4 months pregnant, and has never seen her or I since.
But since I have a very supportive fiancee now (for nearly 5 years we've been together now), I guess I can't use that excuse forever.
I have a 10 month old as well, and since having him I've been very very ill, nearly died in childbirth.
Instead of resenting him for making me nearly die, I seem to have swung the other way and found a new lease on life.
But I definitely have been through teh "i don't want my kids any more" and really wouldn't have been that devastated if she'd just vanished off the face of the planet. I can honestly say that if her father had demanded that he wanted her, I would have let her go.
You're not alone.

bebsy75 · 06/06/2011 22:04

Sometimes I look forward to them leaving home!

Think you have to consciously focus on the good, otherwise you'd go mad some days. It's an effort to enjoy it but sometimes you have to make that effort. Don't worry about sorting them out - they'll develop quite naturally and it will be less stressful for you (my 3 year old can't dress herself yet - she's just not very co-ordinated).

petisa · 06/06/2011 22:34

This is an old thread!

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