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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Going nuts have started smacking.....

30 replies

badbadmother · 05/08/2009 06:01

Okay so I have namechanged although maybe obvious who I am....
I am staying with my parents for the summer, in a very very hot country.
My dcs are a nightmare. We cannot go out alone as I have four and roads are very unsafe. Plus I have no money this trip was funded by my Mother, with a view the DH (who had a 75% pay cut) would be earning better money and I would have paid her fpr the trip..this was not a condition but an expectation.
My mother (very toxic) has a go at me as if I were a child in front of my dcs and loathes my DH.
She is a control freak, deciding what we eat and when (just asking would be nice). She got shitty about what I eat and drink, including things I brought with me.

Anyway the dcs are being awful, cooped up and bored. They are very rude (they being the 6&7 yr old boys) saying silly words and one repeated 'fucking' that he heard my Mother say when she was angry with me, Fighting a lot...the older is very aggressive meaning to hurt, but the younger is just annoying with a quick temper but not to hurt, they don't take me seriously when I threaten or punish, and I do carry out my threats. So I have started to smack as this is the only thing that takes the smile off their face. I've taken away TV (well there isn't one) DS, gameboys, Wii, but as there's little else to do I am at a loss. I have brought books with me and we sit and read, do workbooks etc.....

I feel like a complete failure as I know I am smak=cking because I don't know what else to do......

OP posts:

Mumcentreplus · 05/08/2009 06:23

...you have just lost control and you have to take it back..smacking isn't the answer although it can be a shock for them..have you had a chat with them about how they are making you feel?

Mumcentreplus · 05/08/2009 06:26

Sorry about your mother she should not have treated you that way especially infront of the children..no respect..she sounds bluddy awful..

BonsoirAnna · 05/08/2009 06:51

Are there any amenities (swimming, tennis, other games) where you are?

LoveBeingAMummy · 05/08/2009 06:56

How about asking the DCs what they would like to do, given them a day (or couple of hours)each and elt them plan what you as a family will do. You can spend a day or more just doing the planning. You can set rules ie cost (including none) and see what they come up with they may suprse you. Good luck.

msled · 05/08/2009 06:56

You know what? I'd go home. I really would. This sounds awful. You do have to stop hitting your kids though. You are being bullied by your mum and are taking out your stress and misery out in turn on your kids. You hate being bullied and so do they. They are just bored witless and picking up on the atmosphere. Just change your ticket and go home!

Original poster

badbadmother · 05/08/2009 07:08

I wish I could go home but we're here for another four weeks... We do go swimming but as it's prone to thunder you can't go out in the rain....parks have no shade... it is about 33 on average, no tennis courts...only expensive stuff for expats.

I am going to put coins in a jar and count behaviour, you know the one with the best including me wins). I am going to do the plan the day, must include a chore and a workbook!!

I really miss my DH, he's stuck at home.

OP posts:

Mumcentreplus · 05/08/2009 07:11

No hats?..suncream?..make a lovely picnic and get the hell out of that house!..what about a local beach?

BonsoirAnna · 05/08/2009 07:15

You sound as if you are all bored out of your minds. You must find some sort of activity/routine that gets you out and about. It is inhuman to be imprisoned together like this...

Original poster

badbadmother · 05/08/2009 07:15

Hats and suncream, no public toilets though.... honestly I am a good hour walk from the nearest with a toddler, push chair, two crazy boys and nutters on the road....one of the worst records for RTAs.

The country I'm in is second world and I don't speak the language and most(95%) don't speak english.

OP posts:

Original poster

badbadmother · 05/08/2009 07:16

I know they are bored, I think I may be depressed I am such a bitch.

OP posts:

Original poster

badbadmother · 05/08/2009 07:17

nearest park!!

OP posts:

BonsoirAnna · 05/08/2009 07:18

You really cannot expect any of you to be anything other than bored/depressed in the circumstances you describe.

Cinema?

ErnestTheBavarian · 05/08/2009 07:20

no amount of praise/reward/smacking/punishment will work if the fundamental problem is they are bored, cooped up and no way to burn off their (plentiful) energy. YOu cannot survive 4 more weeks of being cooped up, it could really spoil (your already awful sounding) relationship with your mother and cause a lot of problems with your sons. YOu can't just say it's too hot and nowt to do. You need to find lots of things to do or leave

PrincessToadstool · 05/08/2009 07:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BonsoirAnna · 05/08/2009 07:21

Yes, you need to remember that no child here is being naughty/deserves punishment.

Mumcentreplus · 05/08/2009 07:25

You could make an agreement with them that if they behave and listen very carefully you could walk to the park..have a quick play and walk home..just to get them out and about

Mumcentreplus · 05/08/2009 07:26

I bet they would behave just to get out of that atmosphere..

Doodle2u · 05/08/2009 07:34

Water - you need water......washing up bowls, hose pipe, anything....strip em off and sling them in the garden.

Reading and work books???? Give over! They have GOT to get the hell out of there and run off some energy.

Football, cricket, catch!?

Family sports day - send em out and tell em to make an assault course out of cardboard boxes, ropes and what ever else they can find.

Slap yer bleedin mother, not the kids.

Mumcentreplus · 05/08/2009 07:42

good idea Doodle..you could get some old squeezy bottles to make water pistols..

FourArms · 05/08/2009 07:52

Could you get a paddling pool? Digging in the garden? Have you got balls? Cooking?

Mumcentreplus · 05/08/2009 07:54

write a letter to a relative, friend or pen pal make a tent out of blankets, write a play
act out a play, play card games, collect rocks & leaves,play Cowboys, cook,collect caterpillars and bugs, make sock puppets- then put on a show,make homemade play dough- make models...

ErnestTheBavarian · 05/08/2009 07:59

if you have a pushchair the youngest can go in, the elder 2 can walk beside you. You do not need to speak the local language to go out for a walk. Is it really not possible to go out if it's rainy (my 3 boys love nothing more than to leap about in rain, the heavier the better - some of their best holiday memories)

Mumcentreplus · 05/08/2009 08:01

act out their favourite book as a show/play with everyone playing parts,indoor picnic

Chica31 · 05/08/2009 08:06

I understand about it being too hot. I live abroad too. It's so hot here it might as well be raining as we hide inside much of the day. However, you could do like we do and get up really early and do fun outside things. Then go home have some lunch and a snooze. My DD is still really young, 10 weeks, but my friends tell their DC's that they have to lie on their bed and read a book. 9 times out of 10 they have an afternoon sleep, even the teenagers! Then back outside again when it has cooled down. Because they have had the afternoon sleep they can stay up late when it's cooler.

Hope that helps, if not I really think you should go home.

Original poster

badbadmother · 05/08/2009 08:32

Gosh I really had got into a rut.... some bloody fantastic ideas and ones I would have usually thought of myself.

Well I am in a country that it's dark at 6, when it rains it thunders and it rains like nothing I've ever seen! But I have made enough excuses and haven't used my imagination at all, I've been too busy wallowing in my own misery.

I love the idea of slapping my Mother.
[wonders if father would kill her]

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