3 month old screaming for what seems like hours... Help please

[Roopoo]

Hiya

I have a 13 week old DD. She sleeps through from around 9pm until 7.15 am with a dream feed at 11pm. BUT

After being told be everyone that after 12 weeks the crying stops our DD seems to cry more. I think that it is when she is over tired.

For example

Yesterday she kept on waking up and crying during her afternoon nap. Ended up getting her up at around 4pm. She seemed hungry so fed her then she cried on and off for the rest of the day resulting in us putting her to bed at 7.30 as she looked knackered and was crying. Cue screaming for an hour and a half until she fell asleep. Once asleep she slept through until morning...

This is my first DC so am not very good at the whole motherhood thing yet. Is it normal for babies to scream themselves to sleep.?? Is this a development thing that might stop naturally...

Usually I can read signs and rush her upstairs for a nap.. But it's getting to the point now where I can't leave the house at all as if I miss a nap time she screams and screams and won't settle to sleep.....

So I end up being stuck in the house a lot with a baby that screams all afternoon and evening.
Just wondered if anybody had any advice as we are susposed to be going away for a family weekend next week and I petrified that if we don't stick to her exact routine she will just scream all weekend...

DrcosyTiger - Thankyou... Im sat here in tears... Hope this doesn't sound awful but Im just so glad that it isn't just me and my baby.. I was beginning to think I was the worlds worst mum xxx

Thankyoux

We had exactly the same thing at roughly the same time and the hour earlier bed time helped. Also assuming a brisk 'bedtime now' attitude rather than a 'please sleep!' one. I'm sure she KNEW somehow. Convincing yourself is the hard bit.

Also Roopoo you are doing fabulously. This 1st time mother stuff seems impossibly hard, doesn't it?!

My son screamed from the moment he got up until the moment he went to bed. I used to have friends come round and leave after an hour because they couldn't bear the noise! When I met my half sister three years ago she had the same symptoms and they discovered she had a hitus hernia (they grow out of them). The only thing that stopped DS crying was constant vibration. He spent 6 months in an electrical swing! It turns out he has sensory processing problems which made him hyper aware of every sensation. Unfortunately the health visitors think you are exaggerating though so it's unlikely you'll get much help.

Plantsitter - thanks - feels good to know that it's not just me and hubby.... Embarassing to admit but the other night she was crying in her cot and was sat next to the cot crying saying "please fall alseep for mummy, im sorry Im not a good mummy but you need to sleep" good job hybby came upstairs and took over bless him....

missmem - know exactly what you mean. My sister actually said "it's obvious she is doing it for attention.. Maybe you should pinch her every time she cries so she will learn not too" WTF DD is 3 months old... I won't be asking her to babysit .....

Dear Roopoo,

You need to find ways to get on top of this because if it was as bad as my son you may end up becoming very depressed. They thought it was PND but I just couldn't bear the constant crying. I ended up putting him into full time nursery from 6-15 months but this is not an option for many and if I could do it differently I wouldn't have done this. The crying stopped when he started walking but he still has a difficult temperament!

I have seriously been considering going back to work and putting DD in nursery.... But
Don't want to be judged by people etc....

She has always been a wriggler, never happy being held she prefers to either be in her chair or her play mat........

I think you should consider it then. I didn't even go back to work but things were so difficult and you have to be a happy stable mum for your kids and if that means having some relief for a while then so be it. My son was fine in the car and in a buggy but the moment you stopped, even to cross the road he would scream again. Baby might also be very bright and very frustrated trapped in a body that does nothing and if so once she can walk and then talk things should improve. I don't know how you stimulate a 3 month old but that may help if you do lots with her. Exhausting, yes, but still better than screaming!

I meant to add that my kids slept wonderfully through the night 6pm - 6am but at 4 months old I took them to MIL for a week and after that it took 6 months to get them back to that routine. There is no way, if I have another one, am I taking my babies anywhere overnight until they are at least 1 year.

oh bugger.... She sleeps through from around 8 ish until 7.15am - now Im wondering if it is worth risking it for the weekend away...

Nobody ever warned me how complicated this parenting malarkey was

I never sleep properly for the first two nights in a different place so I never expect DC to. I think I was meant to read this post today because we want another baby and this has reminded me how awful DS2 was!

Good Luck!

I just wanted to help you feel better about your situation.

I have 2dd's and a 9month old DS. DD's no problem, slept, ate, no real crying problems.
Ds nightmare. I havent had a full nights sleep for nearlly a year, some nights an ave of 3 hours broken. He took ages to feed properly. He is allergic to dairy so that means I am off dairy too.

What I am trying to say each child is different. You have to parent them differently. Noone can judge you and the choices you make. You do what is best for you and your family.

Crying is fine. Try not to do it in front of baby as they pick up on your feelings and this will make it worse.

13 weeks is still a tiny baby. Just give as many cuddles as he will let you give him. You also need to get some cuddles from DH.
You are doing a great job. Be proud of yourself.

Missmem - all my friends have said that i have put them off having children for life I should be used as the poster child for contraception ha ha ha ha

Poor you, if I'd had him first then I wouldn't have had any more but my first boy was a total delight. I did have a very stressed pregnancy though with lots of terrible tragedies happening in our life and then I nearly lost him twice followed by me being in a wheelchair and induced in the end. If you had a stressful pregnancy I would sugggest trying to find some alternative therapies for you and baby. I also had to feed 1st child solids very early because he was so hungry so it may be a combination of things. If you live in London I'll babysit for you! Seriously you need to find people during the day that can give you 2-3 hours 2-3 times a week. And that time is for TV, chocolates and sleep, not cleaning!

Bless you missmem - Im in Lancashire though - I did have a bad pregnancy and a pretty tough time straight after she was born xx
Going to have to open up to friends and family and accept some help xxxx

Just want to add that with DS1 I felt just as you do - Everything's supposed to get better now but it isn't, it isn't. I remember getting up in the middle of the night and reading the Edinburgh depression test thingy and thinking "yes, that's me" and then in the morning thinking "actually no I'm fine".

It's so depressing to read all the books and for them to say that by 3 months you should be sorted. Both mine were definitely worse after 3 months - I was expecting it with DS2 so was more relaxed.

More food definitely helped, plus mine both had, I now think, a touch of silent reflux. Do you find she sleeps better in car seat than lying flat in bed? Prop up bed a bit (I laid DS2 on side - shock horror - and he was a bit of a better sleeper than DS1)

The thing about kids is that every time you think you're getting it right they go through some kind of developmental change/spurt and totally mess up your head. I don't want to say "get used to it", but it is a great lesson in being flexible.

DO go on the weekend. It may screw up her routine for a bit, but her routine obviously isn't working brilliantly at the moment is it?

Mine had reflux too and actually slept on the electric swing at night until it wasn't safe enough to keep him in it.

Roopoo, things got so bad that my mum came to live with us for 6 months. I wasn't going to mention it because it sounded extreme and may have made you feel worse.

Have you thought about swimming. It may conk her out afterwards!

God I would love to have my mum come and stay...We just don't have the room xxx

I want to take her swimming just not sure if the general public is ready for the sight of my mummy tummy

Your ace ladies xx I feel so much better for talking too people who understand xx

Roopoo - I am so glad you have started this thread, I was going to post an almost identical one today but didnt get a chance.

My DD is 10 weeks old tomorrow and we are pretty much having the same problems as you. I must have been in tears at the same time you were today! I actually txt my DP today to say I didnt think I was coping very well - he said he would try and get away from work but I told him no as I thought I was maybe being melodramatic. But it is tough especially when there is no-one else to take baby for even just 10mins!

For us the problems are mostly around feeding time (we are also ff-ing). First 2 weeks she fed great after that she just cried all through her feed, turning away from the bottle and screaming, like your DD. It started taking an hour to get her to feed, HV said this was too long and she should be taking about 20-30mins. We started using infacol but this didnt help and after a few days of using this I started to think that is was reflux she had instead of colic as she was constantly bringing up milk and crying when she did - like it really hurt and upset her. So at her 6 week check up the doctor prescribed her with gaviscon, this did help to some extent. Also tried using different teats as advised by the HV. She didnt really like the medium teats but things got a bit better with the variflow - she was taking her feeds within 20mins but it didnt stop the crying and even with the gaviscon she was still bring up milk 3 hours after a feed - she would have a sleep after her feed (she took a while to get down for a sleep) then when she was waking up for her next feed she was still dribbling milk. I was starting to feel that the only time she was crying was when she was sleeping - and for a while we had the same 'dummy being spat out' as you did. We started swaddling her and this really helped so you could maybe try that for getting her down to sleep? In fact I couldnt believe how much this helped - when we first started swaddling her she was sleeping within 5mins - its starting to take longer now though!

So on Sunday we took the decison (was very proud about making a decison on our own as I was ran everything past the HV but she had mentioned trying this before if nothing else worked!) to try using a easy digest milk as HV said her stomach may not be able to take all the lactose. I also decided to stop using the gaviscon and see how she got on with just the new Aptamil Easy Digest. Things havent got any better and when my DP phoned me back today after my txt he suggested we start using the gaviscon again. So I did in her last feed but not sure if I noticed a difference. Will try for a few days and see how we get on.

Im also trying to think of things to amuse DD but dont think Im doing very well!

I also read that at 12 weeks babies usually get into a routine as I was hoping that this was the case but from some posts on this thread - it may not be the case !

Sorry, I dont want to hijack your thread, just wanted to say thanks for starting it as there are some good ideas in the replies

DP is home from work and is now taking over with DD so I need to go and get the dinner on (which is why I dont have time to re-read this before posting so sorry for any spelling mistakes!)

Thanks again Roopoo, I really hope things get better for you soon and Im definetly going to keep up to date with this thread for more ideas/advice xx

p.s sorry for it being so long!

sorry - half way through that, its supposed to say 'the only time she wasn't crying was when she was sleeping!

Meant to add that we put DS on Nanny (goats baby milk) and there was a reflux improvement although when he did reflux it smelt of goats cheese - YUK!

Wow OP you are my double. I hated my son for the first um, 6 months . He screamed and screamed all fucking day long, I couldn't put him down, he squirmed, he whinged, he ate well and slept perfectly, but every minute he was awake he was screaming.
I tried everything, and I mean everything. He was ff too. The more he cried, the more I disliked him. He hasn't even got a normal cry, its a head-doing scream!
I got diagnosed with PND when I called my HV when he was about 10 weeks old, crying hysterically, telling her he was horrible and I wanted to ditch him at the hospital and never see him again! Ive called my other half countless times in tears screaming that Im a shit mum and I hate it and I want to make it all disappear.
I swear, if my neighbours/mum/other half hadn't come running when Id called for help I could have thrown him across the room a few times.
This sounds harsh, but its what a lot of us feel but cant admit it. It was only when all this spilled out to my HV she told me its totally normal and understandable. And my god did I feel better for just talking about it.
Beleive it or not, Im also a mum to a 2.5yr old, and I was fine with her, so its funny what happens in this game we call life!
But please be assured, you are NOT a bad mummy, a bad mummy wouldn't be posting on websites asking for help!
So do all the crying and screaming that you need, all I did when I was losing it was pop him in his cot (and told him under by breath to fucking scream then!), went out into the garden, took a deep breath and screamed myself. Then I cried, punched the wall, then called my boyfriend for a good cry. After about 5 mins, Id go back inside, load baby into buggy, and go for a long long walk to the nearest place that sold chocolate!
And he's now 8 months, still drives me insane with his piggy squeal, but I wouldnt be without him

Littlemissmummy - sorry you are going through the same thing.. It's good to know we are not alone .... I have a favourite place to cry and it's usually curled up in a ball next to the washing machine with my fingers in my ears... weird but I usually feel better after a good weep...

Monkeyfacegrace - you made me piss myself laughing!!! U r me and the feelings that you had are the ones that I am having now.....Tell me the crying starts to get less... surely they have to start crying less....

Haha yes they do start crying less, but I didnt want to tell you that. Its because if my HV had been standing in front of me for the 10th time she told me that it wont last forever, Id have smacked her into next week. I didnt give a shit that it doesn't last forever, I wanted it to stop now.
Glad I put a smile on your face though
Honestly, these kids are so stressful its untrue, but its the guilt that I struggle with. I feel guilty when I just dont WANT to comfort him for the 5th hour of screaming, I feel guilty for not being able to spend as much time with my 2.5yr old, I feel guilty that Ive actully admitted on the internet that I didnt like my son!
Please please just trust me, Ive been where you are now, Ive been that person in a ball sobbing, on the phone to my doctor making myself sound like a loony, and I promise it does get better. Just get through this week somehow. Then struggle through the next. Then congratulate yourself for dealing for two weeks. Then do it again. Then before you know it, the crying will get less and you can give yourself a big pat on the back and say 'I SURVIVED WOO HOO!'.
Then have a fucking big glass of wine and get the implant fitted

On a darker note, although this does not affect you Roopoo, I did have awful thoughts about DS and also took out all of my stress on my 2.5 year old at the tme. I feel very guilty now about that episode. I only mention this as a warning to anyone who is going through this who has another child at home. I had no support and the HV would not listen to me so possibly I became, or at least felt, out of control so someone would HAVE to listen. Who knows? I know now I would cope and do things differently but as a young parent it is very important to get help when you have a "screamer".

Oh missmem thats so sad for you and your family . But at least you are all sorted now. I was lucky, I had my OH to go ape on, so my 2.5yr old had a lucky escape!