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Original poster

I am so at the end of my tether with ds1 (age 4) -- come tell me if yours does this too?

36 replies

oregonianabroad · 18/05/2009 20:26

Hitting
Spitting
(no biting for a while)
Shouting
Demanding
Stamping
'I am NOT your friend'
Hitting ds2
'But I WANT TO!'
'But I WANT ANOTHER ONE!!'
'ME FIRST'

etc... etc...

I have tried everything, the whole gammut from stern/ authoritarian/ setting firm boundaries straight through to unconditional parenting/HWTSKWLALSKWT/ multiple calm discussions and re-directions etc......

I can't be the only one... can I??

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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NotSoRampantRabbit · 18/05/2009 20:28

Ooh there's another thread for us poor put upon parents of 4 year old boys - hold on, will find it for you.

You are absolutely not alone!

Claire2009 · 18/05/2009 20:29

Eh. My 3.2yo Dd does most of that

NotSoRampantRabbit · 18/05/2009 20:34

4 year olds

Original poster
oregonianabroad · 18/05/2009 20:35

just need to MOAN and VENT.

I do think he is getting better.

overall.

But then he can quickly relapse.

OP posts:
LemonTea · 18/05/2009 20:36

Oh god - that is familiar. My DS 3.9

Help meeee tooooooooo!

NotSoRampantRabbit · 18/05/2009 20:36

Btw - I have no answers! Sounds like you've tried everything. Helps to know that others are experiencing similar though.

I have just finished explaining to tired DS that we don't spit in our house - for the gazillionth time. Poor DH came home from long day at work and DS spat at him and told him to go away.

The only thing that works for me (I mean in terms of my sanity) is lots of ignoring. Not sure if that's right or not, but stops me committing crimes!

ShannaraTiger · 18/05/2009 20:37

My ds is 2.5 and is exactly the same!

NotSoRampantRabbit · 18/05/2009 20:38

How old is he oregonian?

How long has he been "challenging"?

Original poster
oregonianabroad · 18/05/2009 20:38

I need that thread, Notso, that helps!!

Off to read.

OP posts:
NotSoRampantRabbit · 18/05/2009 20:39

See you there!

Hassled · 18/05/2009 20:40

Blame testosterone. They get a little spurt of it at around 4, so I've been told. I have 3 boys and it's hard to tell which one I disliked more at 4 (youngest now 7). They were all bloody horrible, and I have no top tips re how to make them less horrible. All I can tell you that by the time he is 5 your DS1 will be mostly nice again - just hang on in there.

JustcallmeDog · 18/05/2009 20:42

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Rolf · 18/05/2009 20:43

My DD (3.10) is like this. I'm sitting here at the computer surrounded by kitchen mess, too knackered and demoralised to get up. You are definitely not alone

curlygal · 18/05/2009 20:43

DS (almost four) shouts "You're NOT MY BEST FRIEND" the minute I say anything he doesn;t like. It is exhausting.

JustcallmeDog · 18/05/2009 20:45

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NotSoRampantRabbit · 18/05/2009 20:46

RE the "you're not my friend" comments. I have followed an MNers advice on the other thread and started saying something along the lines of:

"No, I'm your mummy and (through gritted teeth) I love you".

It does seem to stop him in his tracks a little.

And I feel all beatific and marvellous for not weeping, yelling, or downing gin.

me23 · 18/05/2009 20:47

oh yes dd 3.11 is like this too! esp 'I'm not your friend' at the mention of anything she doesn't want to do.

NotSoRampantRabbit · 18/05/2009 20:47

Dog - I am 38 weeks pg.

I am literally quaking in my comfy flip flops at the thought of how this will exacerbate DS's behaviour.

Arrrggghhhhhhhh!

me23 · 18/05/2009 20:50

meant to say luckily dd doesn't spit or hit, but is v demanding and doesn't listen to a lot of what I say. She always want her own way and nothing else will do. So it is a challenge that normally ends in tears.(sometimes mine )

GenerationGap · 18/05/2009 20:51

Trying everything is probably not very helpful, you need to decide on one strategy and stick to it. Perhaps 4 minutes time out every time he hits spits etc, ensure he appolgises afterwards and understands why he has time out (during this time do not interact at all unless he moves then put him back and start 4 minutes again). Works better than ignoring imho because there is a consequence for his behaviour. When he behaves well give him loads of praise, remain calm at all times, don't shout or criticise him (only the behaviour). If you stick to this (and it may take several hours first time if he won't comply with timeout) you will see a dramatic improvement in a couple of days. I refute that this is normal behaviour for a 4 year old - it needs nipping in the bud now.

LemonTea · 18/05/2009 20:52

LOL at Dog's DD.

JustcallmeDog · 18/05/2009 20:52

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GenerationGap · 18/05/2009 20:53

Oh I forget to say, give him one warning for unacceptable behaviour, eg. if you don't stop xyz you will have to have timeout etc (but only one and if he chooses to continue always follow through). Be consistent, say what you mean and mean what you say.

Original poster
oregonianabroad · 18/05/2009 20:53

4.1, Notsorampant. It seems to come in fits and spurts. just when we think we are through the worst of it, he regresses (and finds something new usually too!)

OP posts:
MrsMattie · 18/05/2009 20:54

Hate to break it to you NotSoRampant, but my 4 yr old got a whole lot worse after his baby sister was born 6 months ago. He is only just starting to come out the other side.

Mind you, I thought 3 was pretty intolerable. 2 was quite hard going, too!