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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Would you let your toddler behave like this?

98 replies

ghosty · 02/05/2005 09:40

I had an interesting experience at DS's swimming lesson today ...
It was pretty crowded and I found a place next to another mum to sit and watch. This other mum had a toddler with her who was playing with another child but as soon as he saw me sit in what he thought was 'his' place he lost it and threw a wobbly ...
Now, I am no stranger to wobblies ... have had a toddler AND have an 'almost' toddler ...
BUT this woman said to me, "You are sitting in his place" ... I was a bit gobsmacked as I thought 'Um, who is the adult here?'. It was on the tip of my tongue to say, "I am a grown up and he is a child ... " but what I did was squeeze up a bit so that he could sit between his mum and me ... so then he started climbing all over me ...
He got up and went off ... so I moved away from the lady on the other side of me to give her some space. When he came back he lost it again and the mother looked at me expecting me to move.

Had this been DS I would have first of all told him that that lady was now sitting there but he could sit on my lap OR, if he had continued to be awful I would have taken him to a quiet corner to have his tantrum in peace ... I would not have expected an adult to appease him and move ....

What would you have done?

Oh, by the way ... at some point in the proceedings this little boy took a swimming float and bopped him mum on the head with it ... What did she do? She hit him back, quite hard, on the head with the float and said, "See, it hurts doesn't it?" ... which also shocked me ...

Perhaps I am too precious, I dunno ....

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

collision · 02/05/2005 10:34

A toddler should always give up a seat for an adult IMO. The mother handled it badly.

TBH I would have hit the child back with the float so they could see how much it hurts.

expatinscotland · 02/05/2005 10:35

If it were a crowded train or bus I'd (and have in the past) put my child on my lap so someone else could sit down. As a courtesy. I've seen toddlers on standing room only buses sitting in front row seats and the parents don't move them out of the way even if an elderly or disabled person gets on. That's just shocking.

Yorkiegirl · 02/05/2005 10:37

Message withdrawn

collision · 02/05/2005 10:38

I have just re-read this and think Mud and Dino are completely wrong with this.

Why should Ghosty have had to stand while this child was playing away from the seat for goodness sake? It was not the childs seat, was it?

nerdgirl · 02/05/2005 10:46

You think I'm wrong too Collision. I'm with the "let's show a little courtesy to the little people" group.

There could be any number of reasons why the toddler couldn't sit on his mothers lap.

Yes, if it were any of the three of us we would have offered the seat and put the toddler on our laps.

BUT this mother didn't and we don't know her motives. Little bottoms have as much right to seats as big ones.

If I take someones seat by accident and they ask for it back, I give it back. Don't care how old they are. First come, first served.

Gobbledigook · 02/05/2005 10:50

Finders keepers

Sorry, being silly now

emsiewill · 02/05/2005 10:52

I think ghosty is in the right - if the mother knew that the child was going to be so upset about it, why didn't she explain as soon as ghosty sat down? As she was there with a child, it's unlikely ghosty would have been completely unsympathetic if the mother had said something like "I know this sounds silly, but my son was sitting there, and he's likely to go off on one when he sees you sitting there - would you mind budging up a bit when he comes back?"

I was in a soft play area recently which was absolutely jammed full. I was on my own with 3 kids (so had all there coats, shoes etc as well as my own stuff), and went round asking people who had a spare seat at their table if they minded if I sat down. I was astounded at the number of people who said "sorry, my child/ren is/are sitting there". Why save a seat for a child who is only likely to be coming back for a 2 minute break and a drink or something?

Grrr I find this kind of thing annoying.

expatinscotland · 02/05/2005 10:54

I think 'saving seats' for folks who are coming and going in really crowded places is the height of discourtesy. Either they're sitting there or they're not.

Gobbledigook · 02/05/2005 10:57

Agree expat. And for kids too - blimey.

collision · 02/05/2005 11:00

So Nerdgirl, you would have let Ghosty stand instead of letting her sit down in a place that was not occupied?

I completely disagree with you.

Original poster

ghosty · 02/05/2005 11:02

Blimey ... I caused a ruck ... excellent

Let me clarify here ...

I arrived at the swimming pool ... got DS organised and in the pool for his lesson. Walked along the seats (benches) which were pretty full. There were children sitting ... and I DID NOT hoist a child off his seat so that I could sit down ... I kept walking. Saw a mum with a space next to her. Although I was aware of a toddler playing nearby I was not aware that the toddler belonged to this lady OR that he had been sitting there. I don't believe I said anything but I did smile and indicate the seat (as if to say "is this seat taken?") and she smiled back. So I sat down. More than 5 minutes went by .... then toddler came up and lost the plot and the mother expected me to move ....
Dinosaur/Mud/Nerdgirl ... would you still have moved?

I still maintain that the toddlers behaviour was normal ... of course he was pissed off that I was sitting in the seat that he thought of as his own ... I was shocked, however that the MOTHER expected me, an adult, to move because her 2 year old was having a tantrum ....
If your 2 year old has a tantrum in the supermarket because he wants a lollipop or chocolate just before lunch do you give in and let him have it because he has 'wants' like you do and why shouldn't he have a lollipop?

Probably not making sense there ....

OP posts:

collision · 02/05/2005 11:02

The mother should have said to the child that the lady needed a seat and he wasnt sitting there anyway and tough luck to him.

There was no reason the child could not have sat on her knee was there Ghosty?

This child wanted a fuss making and he got what he wanted. My child would have had a stern look and then taken away to tantrum alone!

collision · 02/05/2005 11:04

Ooooooh!

Am in a mood for a row!

Original poster

ghosty · 02/05/2005 11:06

PS ... who says I have a big bottom?

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 02/05/2005 11:10

The lesson this child learned was: if I kick up a strop and have a tantrum, I'll get what I want. Mum will help me in that.

The world doesn't work like that.

When you lose (your seat), don't lose the lesson.

collision · 02/05/2005 11:13

I am truly surprised that some people would have allowed an empty seat to remain empty, letting an adult stand.

What is the world coming too? It is a total lack of respect IMO.

collision · 02/05/2005 11:13

Blimey, I sound like my mother!

flamesparrow · 02/05/2005 11:58

First I was with Mud etc, but having read the second description (which is much much clearer, thankyou oodles ), then no, the mother was in the wrong for giving in to the yelling.

The child isn't wrong in any of the situations - toddlers are just toddlers

WideWebWitch · 02/05/2005 12:14

I haven't read the whole thread, just skimmed it but the mother was in the wrong imo, the toddler should have been told no, there's someone sitting there now, you can sit on my lap or stand. And I never, never give in to a tantrum. Ds often says "bad behaviour never gets you what you want" because that's the rule in our house. In a busy public place like a swimming pool seats don't really 'belong' to anyone imo.

suedonim · 02/05/2005 13:07

I think the mother was in the wrong, too.

And Ghosty, as for "have his tantrum in peace"

ladymuck · 02/05/2005 14:07

I'll be putting myself in the unpopular camp here, but, if it isn't a child that I know, and I had been asked by the mother to do so, then I'd have gone along with her wishes. She knows her child and her own circumstances much better, and there may be circumstances of which Ghosty is totally unaware (and frankly you don't always want to launch into detailed explanations of your child's learning difficulties or your own gynae problems of whatever it is that may mean that you wouldn't act in the most "correct" manner). Personally I try to give parents a break, especially when they ask for it. Parenting toddlers isn't always fun and easy, and there may be a whole host of circumstances as to why the mother in question did not choose that particular time to impart the lesson needed. I am surprised at the number of mothers who wouldn't cut any slack in the circumstances.

That said, I also wouldn't have objected to any of you mums who would have decided that this was the right moment to tackle the tantrum, even though that could have disrupted the lesson etc. You're the mum, you know your child and your circs best.

suzywong · 02/05/2005 14:21

I agree with ladymuck et al, if you can help a mum avoid a meltdown and it's not actually physically inconveniencing you then go with it, after all we all know what it's like to be on the fuzzy end of that lollipop

suzywong · 02/05/2005 14:26

oh just read the five minutes grace thing, well in that case it is a bit off, but still go along with the others in general

Rinkydink · 02/05/2005 14:50

I would've stood up. Anything for an easy life, he's not my child and TBH i wouldn't want to sit there and watch him have a barney because of me.
However, If i was the mother, i'd have told Ds not to be so rude to the lady, and to sit on mommys lap.
So i agree partly with both sides of the arguement!

Donbean · 02/05/2005 15:42

What is going on in this world!
I feel so strongly about this that i cant post what i want to post....OUTRAGEOUS

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