Worst Mother Ever

[Chinchilla]

Today has been a sh*t day. I was at a friend's house, and ds kept going down the side of her house, while we were in the garden. I didn't worry too much, because there was a gate stopping him getting into the road. I was more concerned that he might hurt himself on the concrete path there, so kept shooing him back into the garden where he could be seen. Anyway, my friend's son told me that ds was down the side again, so I got up and went after him...no ds. The gate was closed, but on closer inspection, the toy that ds had been playing with was outside the gate.

I got a cold feeling, and chased out into the cul-de-sac, calling his name. He did not respond, but I heard a banging (which turned out to be him hitting the next door neighbour's garage door), and went in that direction. It was him, happy as Larry. I grabbed him and hugged him close, with the biggest relief that you can imagine.

Then the shock kicked in. Did I follow him soon enough? Was I talking to my friend too much to even look after my child? I know in my heart that this could happen to anyone, but I feel so guilty. Thank God that my friend lives in a quiet bit of road. But what if a car had come along, or even a child killer? I know it is a bit dramatic, but it does happen.

Then, I went round my Mum's to get a bit of sympathy, and ds fell through her garden bench into a flower bed. He wasn't hurt, but was about an inch away from hitting his head on a wall

He then proceeded to have a paddy for ten minutes because Mum and I were talking in the house, and wouldn't let him out into the garden on his own. (I hasten to add that he had already caused havoc in the garden for half an hour, and we needed to sit down for a bit).

I am exhausted from feeling guilty, and am currently debating eating a tub of sorbet and some creme eggs.

Please someone tell me your horror stories to reassure me that I am not the only one who has done something like this.

Ds had his first solo in a school concert last night. I didnt go because i had previously arranged to have my highlights done and couldnt face rebooking. The music teacher actually announced " x is sad because his mummy cant be here but luckily the rest of his family is here to support him"! At least she didnt say where I was!

I feel SSSOOOOOOOOOO bad... dh, SS, ds & I went to the beach this afternoon and after we'd parked the car we walked through the car park and were heading towards the beach. DS (3 yrs) ran ahead and I called out for him to wait for us. Just then a car came out of nowhere and was heading straight for ds - we all called out to him and I started running towards him but he kept going. Thank God the people in the car saw him and stopped just in time, but ds was only about a foot away from the car when it came to a halt. It was just awful, everything kind of went into slow motion as I was watching ds running towards this car and there was nothing I could do about it.

DH went mad on ds for running ahead but I couldn't stop thinking about how I would have felt if something had've happened to him... my only little baby .

Holly02 so glad your dh was able to shout at your son ie that he was safe and well. It'e the type of event we all dread and it's just when you blink it happens.

Holly, I think most of us have been there, one way or another - it feels TERRIBLE but there's nothing you could have done at the time and it's NOT your fault.

Just be glad it turned out OK and make sure your DS understands what could have happened and why you were all so upset!

(PS Going out en famille with DS and SS, sounds OK, how're things going?)

I've read this thread before and wondered what would count as my worst moment so far, but today it happened. This afternoon my elderly mother with broken arm in sling) as going home after a few days with us. After much agonising, I decided driving her back (3-4 hours each way) was too difficult, so would put her on a train to be met by a friend at York. So we got to the station in good time, dd2 and ds2 (2 and 1 yrs) in double buggy - you can't be too careful - and waited for the train. Dd1 (6) and ds1 (5, Aspergers recently diagnosed) were v excited. So the train came in, and I left them sitting neatly on a bench, in full view from the relevant carriage, with strict instructions to stay put while I found Mum's seat and put her bag on. So I did just that, kissed her goodbye and tried to get off. The doors were locked - aargh!! Then the train started moving, and I still have this terrible image of all four children looking at me in sheer panic. Not a moment I will ever forget. Anyway, thank God for mobile phones - the train manager (what they seem to call ticket collectors these days) couldn't actually make the train stop, but he could phone and confirm the children had been taken to the station office straightaway and were being looked after, then we phoned dh, who was there to pick them up within 15 minutes. But I had to go all the way to Berwick, and wait for over an hour to get back again. What an incredibly stupid thing to do - next time I will not be setting foot on the train. They said there had been no announcement because they were running late and trying to catch up time.
What am I going to do when the children start telling everyone all about their big adventure? one saving grace is that dd1 was apparently extremely sensible despite her tears, and ds1 coped with it all. Strangely, he told me that when the station man came over to them he (ds1) laughed, and this evening he said he wasn't sure why he laughed, because he knew it wasn't at all funny. The mysteries of Aspergers. I suppose he was just feeling very anxious. Goodness knows what the poor station man thought!

Poor you jmb1964 - I would have been panicking too!!! At least they were all ok but what a horrible thing to happen.

Janh, thanks for asking... it's not going too badly at the moment. We haven't seen much of SS lately, as he's been going to parties & staying with friends and relatives on and off over the last month. I have to say that SS' attitude has been much better, after a couple of major rows between dh and SS, I think he finally realises that he has to toe the line and live according to our rules. He seems to have accepted it and most of the time is quite helpful and pleasant. (I have really enjoyed having to some time to ourselves lately too). Recently he asked dh if he would accompany him to the Defence Force recruiting office soon, so that he can join up when he finishes high school at the end of the year. So... hopefully all will continue in a relatively peaceful manner but I know how frequently a teenager's mood can change.

jmb's horror story reminds me of a train journey when I was 4 and my sister was 2. My father was taking us home by train from Grandma's where we had stayed while my mother gave birth to our little brother. First of all going through London my sister (although on reins held by my grandma) got her shoe caught in an escalator and had to be taken to St Thomas for a checkup. Nothing was wrong luckily but it made us late even for the later train. My father had picked us up and put us on the train when it started moving. He was still on the platform with a couple of heavy grips. He picked up the bags and threw them on then ran along holding onto the open door and just managed to jump on as the train picked up speed. I remember screaming "daddy, daddy" but luckily he was very young (only 25) and athletic! My mother waiting at home was panicking because we had no phone in those days, 1960 in an RAF married quarter and had just given birth when you tend to worry anyway.

bouncy and bunny2, I did a very similar hideous thing to ds1 when he was about 18mths. Loking round kitchen displays in B&Q, opening doors and drawers etc, ds1 cpying me. Dh called us over to look at something else and carried on talking. I was looking at him and trying to shut the drawer I'd opened. It just wouldn't shut - I'm still talking to dh - no matter how hard I pushed, when ds1 suddenly let out a huge yell. I'd been slamming his poor little thumb in the drawer which was why it wouldn't shut!!!! My only mitigation is he must have had delayed pain response because I must have tried to close the damned thing about 5 or 6 times!!!

At the time my son was about 18 months old. I had just finsihed making sure he got what breakfast he had as close to in his mouth as he could muster. We had just finished breakfast and I needed to pee badly. So I left him in his high chair thinking he would be fine. I couldn't have been gone for more than 2 minutes at the most, I came out of the bathroom to find no son sitting in his high chair. I didn't even know he could climb out by himelf.

So I start looking around the house, in every room, under every bed, in cupboards and any crevice I thought he could fit in. I then had a horrible thought........ What if he has let himself outside, the side gate is open. So what seemed to be slow motion, I bolt out to the back and sure enough the back door is wide open. I started to run out the front (our house was on a very busy main road)

Then this guy starts walking up the driveway with my son in his arms and says in an extremely angry voice "Is this your son, he was on the road, I nearly hit him with my car, you bad mother, you should be watching him more carefully blah blah blah." (I don't blame the guy, I would have been freaked out too if I had nearly hit a child) I didn't really hear a lot of what he said, I just thanked him over and over again and held my son so tight.

I took my son inside and sat on our couch and held him and then lost the plot, I kept telling him how much I loved him and how sorry I was. I think I cried for half a day and then every time I thought about it I would cry again. It still gives me shivers and it is nearly 7 years down the track.

I am sure there is a lot of us who got broken limbs or got hurt in some way when we were kids. Just now as adults we understand how our parents felt when we got hurt. It is normal, It is life, It's going to happen. We aren't perfect parents, we can't watch our kids 100% of the time. (it's fun isn't it! )

I'll hide this in here! Aged four months old, ds twin eldest, lying ontop of changing unit getting dressed. Despite my hand on his tummy he dug his litte feet into the cushiony top and shot off! The nurses at A&E thought he was ever so cute, tiny on the big trolley! I felt like mother from hell.

A feeling I was to revisit this weekend. On Sunday, DH's work underlings wouldn't stop phoning with silly problems. I got in a strop and went upstairs, ds twin youngest followed. He then decided to go back downstairs while I changed his twin brother (they are now 19 months old) and guess who forgot to close the piggin' gate! Two steps down and he tumbles the rest!

Another trip to A&E, another clean bill, another day as mother from hell!

Sometimes I feel I need to split myself in two

Don't worry Paula- I don't even have a gate (ds2 also 19 months)!