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Worst Mother Ever

111 replies

Chinchilla · 23/04/2003 19:35

Today has been a sh*t day. I was at a friend's house, and ds kept going down the side of her house, while we were in the garden. I didn't worry too much, because there was a gate stopping him getting into the road. I was more concerned that he might hurt himself on the concrete path there, so kept shooing him back into the garden where he could be seen. Anyway, my friend's son told me that ds was down the side again, so I got up and went after him...no ds. The gate was closed, but on closer inspection, the toy that ds had been playing with was outside the gate.

I got a cold feeling, and chased out into the cul-de-sac, calling his name. He did not respond, but I heard a banging (which turned out to be him hitting the next door neighbour's garage door), and went in that direction. It was him, happy as Larry. I grabbed him and hugged him close, with the biggest relief that you can imagine.

Then the shock kicked in. Did I follow him soon enough? Was I talking to my friend too much to even look after my child? I know in my heart that this could happen to anyone, but I feel so guilty. Thank God that my friend lives in a quiet bit of road. But what if a car had come along, or even a child killer? I know it is a bit dramatic, but it does happen.

Then, I went round my Mum's to get a bit of sympathy, and ds fell through her garden bench into a flower bed. He wasn't hurt, but was about an inch away from hitting his head on a wall

He then proceeded to have a paddy for ten minutes because Mum and I were talking in the house, and wouldn't let him out into the garden on his own. (I hasten to add that he had already caused havoc in the garden for half an hour, and we needed to sit down for a bit).

I am exhausted from feeling guilty, and am currently debating eating a tub of sorbet and some creme eggs.

Please someone tell me your horror stories to reassure me that I am not the only one who has done something like this.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
mum2toby · 24/04/2003 12:53

A couple of weeks ago we were at the local shop. After we'd done our shopping dp put ds back into his buggy and off we went on our short walk home. We got to a junction and as I stop the buggy suddenly at the kerb ds shot out of the buggy face first onto the road!!!! DP had forgotten to strap him in!!!! I was horrified, what if a car had been coming coz he tumbled straight onto the road! The car would've went right over his head!

I was almost in shock, I was crying and I gave dp such a hard time about it for days. I still get shivers down my spine when I think about what 'could've' happened. So don;t beat yourself up about it.... nothing bad happened thankfully, you've just got to keep telling yourself that.

sezza · 24/04/2003 13:55

Me too, CAM, these stories have had me doubled up and have cheered me up no end! So we're all the same, after all. I've done the razor thing, the lost at shops thing and my 3 year old fell in the pool at a villa we stayed at last week, amongst countless other "bad mother" stuff. But hey, s**t happens and the majority of us do our best.

tomps · 24/04/2003 14:44

Dd has fallen on her head many times, but I'm still not as bad as my mum, who when I was tiny let me fall off changing table so hard I had to go to hospital to have my skull pushed back out ! And then, obviously pre car seats, let me fall out of the car when we were on the way home from a holiday. It took them HOURS (or seemed to, I was very small !) to realise and come back for me. I thought I'd be stuck on holiday for ever !

layla · 24/04/2003 14:44

Some of these are really cringey.Mine are..At the dentists dd 18 months,ds 4,I just turned around to sign the form with them stood there.Next thing I turn around and they've gone,disappeared..Me,panic,shouting "where are they?"To a few unsuspecting patients in the waiting room who must have seen them leg it outside.I dash outside,and find them both larking about next to the busy main road where they must have literally run across the car park and down the side road to get to.I'll never know how they did it so fast or the fact that no one said anything!

WedgiesMum · 24/04/2003 17:07

Aah bozza can beat that one. Drove from Derbyshire to Devon with DS in car seat that wasn't strapped into the car! DH was supposed to do it and 'forgot' - all that way and mostly motorway! Ohmigod! and DH (as all men) was drving too fast and too close. Found out when going down narrow country lane and breaked sharply - fortunately i was quick enough to catch him....

bells2 · 24/04/2003 17:15

We did the same with a hire car in France. Both assumed the other had installed the car seat. After about an hour on the Autoroute we turned off onto a sharpish corner, heard giggling and looked around to find DS at right angles with the seat having toppled over.

SoupDragon · 24/04/2003 17:27

Oh dear... I've done the carseat one too! And forgotten to strap DS1 into the seat on a couple of occasions... it's all coming flooding back!

Meanmum · 24/04/2003 17:59

What I want to know is whether you have done the carseat one only once. I've certainly done it more than once.

How about just now picking ds up from childminders. we get home and I let him walk along the pavement by himself. He heads off in the opposite direction, falls over and then promply rubs his hand in someone else's spit that is on the pavement. Gross or what. I was nearly sick watching him do it.

Clarinet60 · 24/04/2003 23:29

Today I left DS2 (10 months) in the car (safe, enclosed yard) while I quickly hoovered a room we'd knocked plaster off in. DH found him 5 mins later almost strangling himself on the seat-belt. He'd wriggled down and was making a horrible gurgling cry.

When DS1 was almost 2, we had a similar garden-escape moment. At friends, I asked DH to take a turn watching him. He delegated this job to our friend WITHOUT TELLING HER. DS wandered out of unsecured garden. Luckily, he wandered back into the house through the front door instead of onto the busy road, then got lost in a maze of bedrooms and we found him crying.

Clarinet60 · 24/04/2003 23:33

Nearly forgot (!) At the holiday cottage we stayed at last week, DS2 stood up in his cot and pulled a cloth off a dressing table. There was a heavy lead crystal tray on this cloth, which smashed onto the floor and the glass landed everywhere....in his cot, in his blankets......

JanZ · 25/04/2003 11:23

I left the outside door open when leaving the house very early one morning, so that dh "lost" ds, who was only 17 months old at the time and had only just learnt to walk. He eventually found him standing at the other side of the house next door, wailing, dressed in just his babygro, soaked to the skin, at 7.15 am. He'd crawled out of the "cat flap" (at that point just a pane of glass removed from the door) in the inner door, walked down the driveway, along the road and up the next driveway!

The full story is here - complete with my and dh's feelings of shock! We now laugh at the thought of what someone driving down the road at 7.15 in the morning would have thought seeing this little rugrat wandering along the (fortunately very wide) pavement on its own ! ... although at the time it wasn't so funny!

On holiday last year we were playing a silly game with the reps, which involved hanging a bottle of water on a piece of string from a hook on a "trapeze" harness (for sailing) at your waist and then trying to play football using the swinging bottle. (Yes, it was VERY silly!). Ds (2 at the time) kept trying to join in, so in the end dh put him on his shoulders and we continued to play. At the end of the game, dh took off the harness, which unbalanced him so much that ds fell of his shoulders......!!! He grabbed at him with his (strong) left hand, missed, and in a continuing smooth action, managed to continue to turn and caught ds with his (weaker) right hand, by the scruff of his sun suit, about 2cm from the ground!! Ds was screaming, but I think more because he picked up on our panic!

I am sure we could think up loads more horror stories. In the "Best Friend's Guide to Toddlers" she says "God gives you a free one" - so far, that has proven to be true - but then, dh and I are pretty relaxed parents and probably push our luck a wee bit!

josiejump · 25/04/2003 13:05

Feel like I have a whole catalogue of incidents, but two of the worst were ds1 ( 18 mo ), whilst visiting my Mums, disappeared into another room. A few minutes later there was an almighty crash followed by a scream. I rushed in to find that he'd managed to pull a ( full) filing cabinet over on top of himself. The top part of his body was sticking out and I heaved the thing up convinced that he'd have broken limbs or internal injuries- not a scratch on him! Then, when ds1and2 were about 2y, my dh left the deadlock off the front door and went to have a shower. I was having a cup of tea and breakfast and realised that it had gone quiet. Found front door wide open and no sign of boys either up or down street. I leapt in car and drove ( thankfully in the right direction) and found them several streets away in their pyjamas and dressing gowns riding their little trikes. It wasn't until I got them home that I realised they had crossed a road all by themselves. My legs went to jelly, but can laugh about it now!

Utka · 25/04/2003 13:41

Another one on the car seat theme.... but from a time when they didn't have them!

My mum tells the story of how she used to cart me around in the car in my carry cot. She'd simply put it on the back seat (no back seat seat belts then either). On one occasion after breaking suddenly, she turned round to find me in the footwell of the back seats, the carry cot having flipped over and deposited me on the floor.

I'm none the worse (unless there's something people aren't telling me...!)

Flippa · 25/04/2003 17:00

Apparently when I was about one, I was left on the floor in the lounge whilst my mum got dinner ready. My dad returned home to find me sat next to the drinks trolley with a bottle of gin in my hand. I had poured some into my mouth and most of it all over the carpet and was patting the carpet and sucking the gin off my hand - still love Gin and Tonics to this day but couldn't drink it neat!!!!

tallulah · 25/04/2003 17:49

We had a car with no rear seat belts after a long time with no transport, about 11 years ago. DH made sure to set the child locks before we set off. (or so he thought. They must have been on to start with). The baby was in the front strapped into his seat; the rest of us in the back. I was next to the door with the 4 & 5 year olds & somehow DS2 aged 2 (ADHD) was sat next to the other door. We went round a roundabout just as he pulled on the handle. The door opened & he toppled out. We all screamed for DH to stop the car. He thought we were about to be hit & speeded up instead!

I imagined DS lying on the road, squashed. He was actually stood, crying "my shoe comed off" in the middle of the road. By some miracle the car behind had stopped in time & there wasn't a scratch on him.

We took him to A&E to be checked out, then went to where we'd been going. I took the baby & DD inside, leaving DH & DS1 &2 in the car. We came out to find everyone panicking. The boys had had an argument in the back of the parked car. DS1 aged 4 had shoved the 2 year old hard, he'd fallen on the floor of the car & hit his head on the metal seat runners. There was blood EVERYWHERE. A&E were less than impressed to see us for the 2nd time in 1 day & demanded to know where DH was while this was going on. In the front of the car. Parked. In a car park.

Took DS3 to town, aged 4, & forgot I had him & not older children. Set off on the escalator at the bank without grabbing his hand. He tried to follow & fell over. I'm almost near the top yelling "get up", he's screaming & keep falling over. One of the staff had to press the emergency button to stop the escalator. Oh the shame.

tallulah · 25/04/2003 17:50

We had a car with no rear seat belts after a long time with no transport, about 11 years ago. DH made sure to set the child locks before we set off. (or so he thought. They must have been on to start with). The baby was in the front strapped into his seat; the rest of us in the back. I was next to the door with the 4 & 5 year olds & somehow DS2 aged 2 (ADHD) was sat next to the other door. We went round a roundabout just as he pulled on the handle. The door opened & he toppled out. We all screamed for DH to stop the car. He thought we were about to be hit & speeded up instead!

I imagined DS lying on the road, squashed. He was actually stood, crying "my shoe comed off" in the middle of the road. By some miracle the car behind had stopped in time & there wasn't a scratch on him.

We took him to A&E to be checked out, then went to where we'd been going. I took the baby & DD inside, leaving DH & DS1 &2 in the car. We came out to find everyone panicking. The boys had had an argument in the back of the parked car. DS1 aged 4 had shoved the 2 year old hard, he'd fallen on the floor of the car & hit his head on the metal seat runners. There was blood EVERYWHERE. A&E were less than impressed to see us for the 2nd time in 1 day & demanded to know where DH was while this was going on. In the front of the car. Parked. In a car park.

Took DS3 to town, aged 4, & forgot I had him & not older children. Set off on the escalator at the bank without grabbing his hand. He tried to follow & fell over. I'm almost near the top yelling "get up", he's screaming & keep falling over. One of the staff had to press the emergency button to stop the escalator. Oh the shame.

jobey · 25/04/2003 17:51

My kids have been little gits for the past two days and really are ready to go back to school on Monday DS2 has had a red arse twice today and I don't smack him that often.I have a plan though I am going on a girlies night out tonight with two other mums and we are going to get bladdered to celebrate surviving the school hols.

WideWebWitch · 25/04/2003 20:14

tallulah, your post made me laugh! Hope that was the intention and glad they're all OK

Chinchilla · 25/04/2003 22:53

Hello...'Worst Mum' here again. Now I feel guilty about something that happened today, and IT WASN'T EVEN MY CHILD. I was at the petrol station, and a man was filling up on the other side of my pump. Nothing remarkable there! Anyway, he paid, and came back out. I heard him raising his voice to one of his children in the car, but he was laughing. I looked over, and realised that he had said 'Get back in your seat.'

When I looked further, he was really cross with the child, who was a toddler, probably about the same age as my ds, or a bit older. I realised that the child was out of his/her car seat. I assumed that they had unbuckled it themself, and he was going to strap them back in. But no, when the child sat back in it again, he started the engine, and drove off, with the child just perched in the seat, unrestrained.

During this time, I had plenty of time to go over and tell him to strap his child in, because his car wouldn't start at first, but I didn't. Do you know why? Because I thought that he would tell me to F* Off, and I was too nervous of him. How pathetic is that? He could have gone on to have an accident and kill that child, and I would have been able to stop it.

And who thought that motherhood was guilt?

OP posts:
Ghosty · 25/04/2003 23:00

Oh Chinchilla ... I know how you feel ... a few months back I had sleepless nights after I saw a car with a new born being played with in the FRONT passenger seat of a car at some traffic lights. Later I worked out that what I should have done was phone the police with the license plate number but I didn't get it. I was horrified and angry and very upset that I didn't do anything about it ...
But at the end of the day that toddler (and in my case, that baby) was not your responsibility ... if that man chose to be that irresponsible it is his look out ...
All I can say is ... next time you see something like that, get the reg number and phone the police. I don't think approaching someone is the right thing ... especially a bloke ... because you never know how they will react with what they will probably think is a nosy passer by ...
Don't beat yourself up about it ... you have enough to be guilty of with your own kids

Ghosty · 25/04/2003 23:06

tallulah ... it must be the way you tell 'em ... like WWW I was cracking up when reading your post ...

ScummyMummy · 25/04/2003 23:09

Me too Tallulah. That was great!

robinw · 26/04/2003 21:52

message withdrawn

Clarinet60 · 28/04/2003 11:03

Chinchilla, you probably couldn't have stopped it, because he probably had no intention of strapping the child in, ever, whether told to or not.
Ghosty, I've seen someone do this with a baby too, but didn't have a pen. I've repeated the tale to a couple of friends who say that THE POLICE WOULDN'T DO ANTHING ANYWAY.
Does anyone out there know if this is true? Any police officer mumsnetters? One friend in particular is adamant, and it would be nice to be able to correct her (!), because I find it difficult to believe.

Rhubarb · 28/04/2003 15:21

Ok - worst mum here admitting to sometimes not using a car seat for dd! I got the train once to my mum's home town and had asked my brother to meet me at the other end as it's quite a walk from the station to where she lives. I didn't have a car seat with me and his children are grown up so he didn't have one. So I sat in the passenger seat with my arms crossed over dd. Then, being a joker, he yelled at me "Quick police! Hide her!" At which, without thinking, I put her in the footwell! (she was about 6 months old) Looking back it was a crazy thing to do! But he nearly wet himself laughing at my reaction!

There have been other occasions, in taxi's or taking a lift, when I haven't had a car seat and I have travelled with her in the passenger seat, with my arms crossed over her. If someone had reported me I would have been extremely annoyed! I see it as my responsibility to protect my child and if anything happened, it would be on my conscience. I don't know anyone who has not travelled at least once, in an emergency, with their child sat on their knee. I suppose it differs with every situation. But I wouldn't inform the police. We saw a family in Greece piled into the back of a Landrover, right at back of the vehicle sat a woman breastfeeding her baby, none of them had restraints on. If I had said something to them they would not have understood my concern, and the police certainly would not have done anything. So surely the responsibility does lie with the parents and not passers-by?