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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

dd cries/clings more than most other children.

29 replies

ilovetochat · 30/04/2009 16:10

dd is 21 months and not really a kissy cuddly child, at home she is very confident, talks all the time, plays/chats to visitors and throws herself around, jumping over things etc with no crying/whinging.
yesterday she fell over in a carpark and cut her leg, no crying, just said ouch.

BUT when we are out at toddler groups/classes, she clings round my legs, literally stands on my toes, wants to sit on my lap and cuddle, whinges all the time, cries if she falls onto her bum, and cries if the other dc push past her, take things off her, run near her or play with the same things.

what should i do?

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MadamDeathstare · 30/04/2009 16:19

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Original poster

ilovetochat · 30/04/2009 17:13

i must admit i went through a stage of thinking maybe i needed to plonk her down in the middle but it didnt work. now i let her cuddle me and take her over to play with things.
most of my friends work, or we have lost touch as im a sahm. her cousins are 8 and 16 so too old to play. she goes to a small music class, 6/7 kids and loves it and dances in the middle. she goes to a talking class and is very confidnet there. she likes to do activities. but at mother and toddler where kids run round she gets scared.
at the park she claps when other children come to play and if we meet 1 or 2 kids she runs around with them. its groups she cant cope with. also if a child comes up the ladder behind her to the slide she cries till i fetch her down, she hates being crowded.
how will she ever cope with nursery/school.
she is small for her age and has been knocked down many times by running kids her own age and i think she is very wary.
she likes to talk to older kids, 4 or 5 year olds.

OP posts:

BlueCowWondersAgain · 30/04/2009 17:25

go with her lead - if she needs to cling to you, you have to let her. Her confidence will grow if she knows she can always rely on you. And hopefully she will grow out of it.

But also ignore what other children are doing! Maybe you're just not noticing the clingers - or they're at home!

francesrivis · 30/04/2009 17:42

My dd was just like this, and I second what bluecow says about going with her lead. I tried to do this and she is now much more confident and coping well with staying at playgroup on her own.

MadamDeathstare · 30/04/2009 19:29

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Original poster

ilovetochat · 30/04/2009 20:21

thank you all for answering, i know she has a year and a half till she starts preschool so she will hopefully be more confident by then.
i was worried that by letting her cling i was stopping her getting on with it but you have reassured me its ok to do this.
hope i didnt make her more clingy by trying to force her to join in by plonking her in the middle, i just wanted her to be with the other kids
im not planning on taking her to playgroups where she is left as i dont want to/cant afford to/no need to as im a sahm but people keep saying she needs to go to boost her confidence for preschool.
surely preschool is to get them ready for reception and they dont have to go till they are 5 do they?

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dinkystinky · 30/04/2009 20:23

all kids love older kids - my DS1 does too. I agree with following her lead - try and invite some of the kids that she gets on well with at the bigger groups for smaller playdates at home/the playground and as she gets more confident with those children she'll probably get more confident at the big playgroup.

Original poster

ilovetochat · 30/04/2009 20:25

ive tried but they either work the rest of the week or arent interested.
i was let down a couple of weeks ago left sitting at home all morning waiting
i wish i knew some local moms

OP posts:

charmargot · 30/04/2009 20:30

My DD 23 months is being very clingy at playgroups, but there are so many kids and a big space and so much going on I don't blame her. Eventually she lets go and is fine. I'm a childminder so she always has other kids about and we go to groups a lot so I don't know why she's gone all shy, but she has. I don't see it as a problem.
Invite a friend round to play to boost confidence, she's far too young for you to worry about her finding large groups overwhelming.

Original poster

ilovetochat · 30/04/2009 20:32

glad she isnt the only one, she always seems much more emotional than other kids.

OP posts:

charmargot · 01/05/2009 09:19

I tell myself it's 'cos she's more intelligent!

jellybelly25 · 01/05/2009 10:45

There are loads of kids like this at the groups I go to. They kind of waft around in a small circle around their mums, I think it's cute as my dd ignores me totally and then I think it's ok to chat and let her get on with it at which point she goes and cracks her head open or something.But she's REALLY clingy with new people and new places and stuff, if people she doesn't know well talk to her or, GOD FORBID, try to HOLD HER!!! She either hides her face or just yells at them. They all have their own worries I think.

I think not liking crowds is fair enough too. It can be a bit overpowering...

Whereabouts are you? Wish I could invite you around!!

Sari · 01/05/2009 10:49

Dd was like this and wouldn't be parted from me in groups. I didn't push her and basically we just hung out together because she really wasn't interested in being with people outside the family. I was slightly worried about how she would settle into nursery at just over 3 years old but she had no problems whatsoever and is now a very confident, sociable girl.

MadamDeathstare · 01/05/2009 18:54

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Original poster

ilovetochat · 01/05/2009 19:48

jelly, im in west mids.
MD i dont want to leave her and she wouldnt want to be left but everyone keeps telling me thats what she needs to get her more confident.
i bf her for 17 months so never left her and since then my mom has had her 3 evenings for us to go out and she is happy with my mom.
I took her to a new playgroup today, a stay and play, she loved it running round outside and building but wouldnt play in the sand with the others or plant seeds when everyone else did and she cried when a little girl stood inbetween me and dd as she couldnt get back to me. in some ways she seems younger emotionally than 21 months.

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Supercherry · 01/05/2009 20:04

I think sometimes it helps to look at situations from their perspective so, imagine lots of people twice your size running around you, sometimes bumping into you and sending you flying- it would be scary wouldn't it?

Your DD sounds like a lovely little girl who is confident in most situations, so I would say you've got nothing to worry about.

My DS, 15mths seems to have no concept of danger and consequently tries to join in with the big boys as they run around (he has only just mastered walking) and I'm the mum at playgroup who never gets to finsh a conversation with anyone because I'm constantly catching him as he careers head first towards the wall.

MadamDeathstare · 01/05/2009 20:27

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Original poster

ilovetochat · 01/05/2009 21:41

i am to say you just made me cry MD, thank you so much for saying that, i always worry i will let her down.
she is quite a good talker for her age and i think because of that i sometimes expect too much of her and others do too.

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Original poster

ilovetochat · 01/05/2009 21:44

thanks supercherry, i try and remember it must be scary for her.
what activities do you think would help her?

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toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 01/05/2009 23:38

oh please don't worry, she is still very young, you are quite rightly the centre of her world and so it should be. There is far too much emphasis in the "modern" west about getting children "independent" ie away from mummy as soon as possible, when actually its the most natural thing in the world for her to want to be near you and look to you for reassurance. Please feel free to ignore those who say you should dump and run to make her more confident, they don't know her like you so obviously do.

i'm a sahm mum with no family support and my ds has always been with me. He started at a group last October (when he was 2 and 4 months) where lots of the mums seemed able to just leave their kids and go, but he took until this term (2 and 10 months) to be happy for me to leave the room for the whole time. And I see nothing wrong with this, in many cultures children will not leave their mothers side for long periods until 3 or more. Indeed, my mum said the first time i was away from her was when i went to playgroup at 3 and a bit - there were none of these "toddler" activities around in her area in the late 60's so separation wasn't an issue!

I think you are doing really well to be so aware, and your daughter will benefit if you go with your instincts.

Supercherry · 02/05/2009 07:30

ilovetochat, I honestly think the best thing for developing security in babies and toddlers is to keep responding to their needs so comforting her when she wants it etc. You are doing this already so I don't think you need to do anything differently. Her confidence will grow with time- I really don't think it can be pushed and I think she sounds perfectly lovely anyway

gill7 · 02/05/2009 09:49

Hi,

I live in west mids too and dont really know any local moms - whereabouts r u?

My son is like that when hes overtired or in a new situation. He just asks for picky up and to go on my lap. I just let him until hes ok then hes off my lap and off to play fine. He loves both older and younger kids to so once hes over his inital shyness hes fine.

Dont know if this has helped. like the others have said, you r her mom and know her best, do what feels right to you.

Gill
xx

Original poster

ilovetochat · 02/05/2009 18:19

thank you all for being so reassuring, im 8 miles from walsall gill

OP posts:

gill7 · 02/05/2009 19:46

Not that far then, i am in rugeley. my email if you wanna chat about meeting up is [email protected]

Original poster

ilovetochat · 02/05/2009 20:40

thanks gill, ive never met up with anyone off mn in RL, its a bit scary isnt it?

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