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Original poster

This is so not funny

57 replies

MuffinBaker · 26/04/2009 18:29

The kids have messed with the bathroom door handle so many times, DH has had to repair it so many times, that there are too many holes. DH pulls the handle to open the door, handle flies off, smashes into the loo and breaks it.

£100 for a loo.
£45 for a new door.
£ for handle as discontinued.

30p in my account

beyond that they wreck everything.

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Original poster
MuffinBaker · 26/04/2009 20:59

So kids shouldn't be punished for constantly doing the opposite of what has been asked and then it results in over a £100 of damage?

OP posts:
littlelamb · 26/04/2009 21:01

But if you hit the banister what example are you setting??

Flightattendant25 · 26/04/2009 21:04

No I don't think there's any point.

Punishment is silly. Makes you feel bad, makes them feel bad. It does no one any good and doesn't stop them doing it again.

They do know it's wrong, they just have trouble controlling their urges - because they're kids.

You need to understand that before you formulate policies for dealing with it.

Not being patronising but it's genuinely what I think/feel.

You need to supervise where possible

foster a sense of trust that they are on YOUR side (ie expect them to behave well)

and if harm is done, explain why it hurt you and help them make amends.

Punishment doesn't help anyone.

Flightattendant25 · 26/04/2009 21:05

when I say 'you' I mean 'one' ie me, you, anyone.

Flightattendant25 · 26/04/2009 21:06

punishment also makes them too aware of their status as small, lesser, immature beings who need to be controlled

discussion and repair of status of house etc fosters their sense of capability and grown upness. Which can only be a good thing iyswim.

Original poster
MuffinBaker · 26/04/2009 21:10

get real littlelamb - so not the same, the hanger was already broken anyway plus I hurt myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
MuffinBaker · 26/04/2009 21:11

Adds thread to the huge list which makes me feel like a crap parent

and don't anyone go off on one, tis my problem, no one elses.

OP posts:
littlelamb · 26/04/2009 21:11

Completely the same MB. If they see you not respecting your belongings why should you expect them to?

Original poster
MuffinBaker · 26/04/2009 21:13

the hanger was already broken
i was stressed - so shoot me

OP posts:
Flightattendant25 · 26/04/2009 21:18

MB - I'm not trying to make you feel like that, just putting a different slant which I thought might help a little bit.

It's worth saying that I am a shocking parent but this is one thing I have evolved in the nearly 6 years of ds1's little life, that seems to work Ok.

He's still a real handful but I am trying to step up to it...I'm trying to look at it as work rather than the 'fun' I expected it to be, I have ds2 for that

Hope you're Ok

I have done worse than hit a bannister

thisisyesterday · 26/04/2009 21:19

flightattendant, I like you! i keep reading stuff tonight and thinking "hmm, yes I agree" and it turns out to be you lol

i find that children who are shown respect and how to treat things well tend to emulate that behaviour.

littlelamb · 26/04/2009 21:19

I'm not having a go MB.
This obviously runs a lot deeper than just some broken stuff. I know my mum had some issues with depression when me and my brothers were little and this is just the type of thing we would get up to to try and get her to just notice us. I do understand how you feel right now. I was at complete rock bottom with pnd a few months ago. Getting angry and punishing them is not the answer imo.

gigglinggoblin · 26/04/2009 21:20

I agree that fixing it doesnt always help, ds constantly breaks stuff and he loves fixing things so actually started breaking stuff so he could fix it. It gave him one to one attention, which child doesnt want that?

When he blocked the bathroom sink with loo roll dh made him get his finger in the pipe to scoop out the gunk, thats didnt go down as well! So if he does break something thats what he gets, something he hates that is like fixing because it is a job that needs doing but he doesnt like. Its finding the right thing for your child. Am not saying it works all the time, he still forgets himself but a remender often helps.

Flightattendant25 · 26/04/2009 21:22

TIY

Me too!!!

I am not, however, as cool as I tell it

Original poster
MuffinBaker · 26/04/2009 21:22

I already feel like I am doing everything wrong and it hurts to see it in black and white that I am.

That's all.

My flipping issues.

OP posts:
Flightattendant25 · 26/04/2009 21:23

'I agree that fixing it doesnt always help, ds constantly breaks stuff and he loves fixing things so actually started breaking stuff so he could fix it. It gave him one to one attention, which child doesnt want that?'

...and the problem with giving them what they want is...?

Do you see what I am getting at?

Flightattendant25 · 26/04/2009 21:25

how can any of us know how to do this shit if we don't have a good example?

I am CRAP at so much stuff, because no one showed me how to do it. My mother didn't love me, therefore I don't know how to love my son... we all have to learn how thigs work. You're only doing your Goddam best, woman

gigglinggoblin · 26/04/2009 21:25

Are you serious flight attendant? Let him break stuff because he enjoys playing bob the sodding builder? One to one fine, fixing stuff fine but he wanted to do the real stuff - plastering walls etc and that only needed doing if he broke it first. Either you have the wrong end of the stick or you are totally crazy

Flightattendant25 · 26/04/2009 21:26

If you do stuff like that with him preemptively maybe it would lessen the affliction

Are you sure you don't have some pending DIY he could assist with?

Shitemum · 26/04/2009 21:30

MuffinBaker - Have you tried smacking them, hard? And shouting 'If you do that again I'll feckin' kill you!'

I find it works a treat.

All very well modeling good behaviour etc. but sometimes the brats need to be pulled up sharp IMHO

Or you could put anti-burglar paint on the door handles...maybe...

Shitemum · 26/04/2009 21:31

Oh, yes - and make them dig a hole in the garden and sh*t in that till the loo is fixed - that'll learn 'em.

Original poster
MuffinBaker · 26/04/2009 21:31

I have shouted

[ashamed]

doesn't really work

OP posts:
Noonki · 26/04/2009 21:32

flightattendant ..though I agree in principle to some extent. In life there are consequences of misbehaving as an adult. (losing friends, jobs, partners, falling out with family, prison and on and on)

As long as the punishment fits the crime and the child is aware and has been warned firstly what is a crime and secondly what the consequences will be, you are actually teaching them about how real life works.

Flightattendant25 · 26/04/2009 21:36

Hmm I see what you mean Noonki but I guess you have to tailor it as you feel appropriate

I prefer acting in the heat of the moment to a calculated punishment (which I still feel achieves nothing much)

ie rather than teach them how the world is run, allow them to learn why they do not wish to cause damage

and why they do not NEED those kind of looming threats (as in knowing prison awaits those who bla bla) in order to stay happy/cooperative.

Imo slapped wrists and such are purely a tigress-style admonishment to little cubs who cannot understand reason and are playing with the cooker.

gigglinggoblin · 26/04/2009 21:37

kids can get involved in every thing we do, if we are doing diy they only have to show an interest and we give them all a job. We are not the type of parents who get rid of them while we do stuff and if they ask we make an effort to provide activities they are interested in. Unfortunately we cant have major building work ready to do just cos he feels like it. I also make the effort to do one to one stuff with all of them so its not like they are neglected, some kids just enjoy breaking things. Wait til they are 16 and feel like smashing in the local shop windows, you cant let them do it to your house windows as a way of stopping them doing it when they shouldnt