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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

HV check list for 3 yr olds. can your 3 yr old do the following?

83 replies

deaconblue · 23/04/2009 21:30

dress self
use knife and fork
hop
recite full name and address
understand stranger danger?

ds can only get bottom half off and nothing at all on. He uses fork and spoon. no chance at hopping, can hardly stand on one leg. And it has never occurred to me to teach him his address or mention strangers, although I'm sure he could recite address if I did teach him.
The stranger danger one seems really odd to me. I thought it was accepted that children are much more likely to be harmed by someone known to them than by a stranger.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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blissa · 24/04/2009 13:18

dress himself - pants, trousers and socks
knife and fork - fork only
full name and address - no, only his first
name. Dd1 who is 7 doesn't know our full address.
hop - no
understand stranger danger - no, has only just grasped how dangerous cars and roads are

BlueberryPancake · 24/04/2009 14:19

DS can dress bottom half, and put socks on and shoes on, and paint his toe nails

Fork and spoon, and he says he can use a knife but then his fish fingers look like mash potatoes

Knows his name, middle name, surname, town, and he knows he's a Londoner.

Hop - yes, he's got the bumpy head to prove it

Stranger danger bullooks. It's much more important to teach them how to not run on the road and how to cross a road (stop, hold hand, look right left right, listen, walk across, waive at driver who stopped to say thank you) and how to know what is a car park and not to run around when told so.

MayorNaze · 24/04/2009 14:22

oh dear - dd2 is 3 next week - she can't do any of these (though can eat with fork and spoon).

if you ask her what her name is you are likely to get a variety of answers, none of them her actual name...

will read thread and see if i should worry...

SusieDerkins · 24/04/2009 14:24

Ds2 (3) tells everyone he's called Sportacus Derkins.

Why do they need to know about stranger danger? When is a 3 year old ever alone in that kind of situation? Anyone got any ideas?

MayorNaze · 24/04/2009 14:25

ok have read thread...feck that...i ahve more important things to worry about...plus i only found out very recently that she should've had an 8mnth and 2 yr check so feel it v unlikely that the HV will come a-knocking now...

LilRedWG · 24/04/2009 14:26

dress self - kind of, after a fashion
use knife and fork - yes
hop - not sure
recite full name and address - knows name but not address
understand stranger danger? - haven't even approached it yet

NB - she'll be three in a few weeks

theyoungvisiter · 24/04/2009 14:28

I think that perhaps as others have said it's not a target for what they should be able to do BY the age of three, but maybe more an idea for things to think about as they turn three, with a view to getting them fairly independent for when they start school.

Many parents (including perhaps those from other cultures or with learning difficulties) might not think to teach their child how to dress themeselves and issues like stranger danger.

But ideally they do need to be able to dress themselves and eat with cutlery when they start school and for some children that will be soon after their 4th birthday.

So I think it's an appropriate list to discuss at a 3yo checkup.

Not appropriate to be treated as a "pass/fail" list for someone just turned 3 though. So it depends how it's used.

LilRedWG · 24/04/2009 14:28

To me it is ludicrous - I was also asked if DD could walk up the stairs 'properly', meaning one foot on each step, not two feet on each step. Apparently because she doesn't she should have been marked down but was let off because she was "such a late walker". LOL

Original poster

deaconblue · 25/04/2009 21:05

walking upstairs "properly" was on our list too. Ds can do that so I didn't incude it on my thread. I agree about how it would be useful to have proper access to HV when needed. Ds is proving a tough cookie to potty train. I went to the baby clinic one week, waited 20 mins while HV talked to one woman and gave up as there were 3 more in front of me in the queue. Went back again this week, got no advice, all she said was "it does sound like he's difficult to train". um yes thanks for that

OP posts:

MrsMattie · 25/04/2009 21:06

My 4 yr old son could only really dress himself in the last few months, and still struggles with tops and buttons/zips. He cannot use a knife. He doesn't understand stranger danger - not really...

mumof3tobe · 27/04/2009 03:10

My 3.4 yr DD can dress and undress herself, even tights and socks (sometimes several times a day). Can use fork and spoon and tries to use knife if we let her but she usually uses fingers (still a messy eater!)
Can hop with both legs. Can recite full name but not taught her address. She want's to speak to everyone and doesn't seem to care if she gets lost in a store. Far too independent for her own good.

SuperBunny · 27/04/2009 03:26

DS is 3.7

dress self - badly & often prefers not to. He will happily take off all his clothes at the most inconvenient & inappropriate times
use knife and fork - he can but he doesn't. grr.
hop - just about
recite full name and address - name but not address. He knows the town and street he lives on
understand stranger danger? - no concept at all

Did we fail?

SofiaAmes · 27/04/2009 06:11

Oh, gosh, please don't worry about these things. All kids do things at different times and in different ways. And boys are sooooo different than girls. My ds is 8 and still puts on half his clothes backwards and up until 6 months ago was forgetting to take off his pj's before putting his clothes on. DD has been dressing herself since she was 2 (and won't even let me begin to tell her what to wear). DS was not able to use a knife at 3 because it never occurred to me to show him how, but could use chopsticks pretty well (we ate a lot of japanese back then). I gave dd a knife early so she was good at 3. Who the hell knows about hopping? Hey, I'm 45 and can't hop without peeing myself...wonder if I'd pass. (Ds's hv was very concerned he wasn't turning over, even though she was crawling up a storm already!). Ds certainly didn't know his full address at 3, and he's just been recently assessed as being a genius. And stranger danger is a load of tosh. I never bothered giving the lecture with either child. Ds would walk off with anyone regardless of any warning I could possibly give him, and dd would never walk off with a stranger (or even someone known to her) without asking me first. I don't leave my children alone without an adult that I trust. And I don't even trust all the neighborhood parents.
Stop worrying and just enjoy what your child does do and have fun watching him figure out the other things in his own good time. (I love pointing out to people that my 8 year old ds can't tell left from right even though he can give a full and coherent explanation of the big bang theory).

shelsco · 03/05/2009 15:48

i think some of it depends on whether child is interested or not and position in family can play a part. My ds1 didn't dress himself well as i was always around to do it and would do so half the time for speed. knew full name but not interested in address etc. stranger danger talks just ended up with a long winded conversation completely off the topic and i didn't think about teaching him to hop until it was mentioned.
ds3 is far more aware because of ( i think) older brothers and seems to have an understanding of issues at a far earlier stage than ds1. With 3 children we encouraged him to dress himself earlier but also he wanted to compete with older ones- likes to try and be grown up. so yes he could do everything on list at 3. Having said that ds3 is at exactly same stage academically as ds1 was at same age. all doing well now irrespective of their ability to do these listed milestones at age 3.
i think you do tend to bring things up earlier with subsequent children and they also become more aware through copying older siblings so don't worry.as long as your ds is interested and chatty/ communicative i would encourage him in these things but if he's not interested at the moment just keep mentioning them every now and then until he's ready to take them on board.

frustratedmom · 03/05/2009 16:58

understanding stranger at three thats a joke.
4 years and still having to be retrieved by security staff as he has no concept of attachment. Everyone is his friend no one is important.
But he can read and do basic sums. Go figure

me23 · 03/05/2009 17:17

dd is 4 next month
dress self yes
use knife and fork yes
hop yes
recite full name and address- can say name and street but thats all I've told her
stranger danger- haven't broached the subject at all.

DippyDino · 03/05/2009 18:09

Dd is 3.1

Dress self - well she can remove her socks and put on wellies. Pants and knickers up and down, not sure that counts as actually dressing herself though.

Use knife and fork - she can use fork and or a spoon but usually chooses not to

Hop - yes

recite full name and address - she is 3, she is not an envelope. She knows her full name. She could direct you to our house from town, though!

Stranger danger - no clue. Everybody is her friend. Tbh i believe children are more commonly at risk from 'trusted' adults, so I have concentrated on giving her confidence to stand up for herself should anyone try to push her boundaries (i have ishoos)

btw I do honestly think she is a very clever little girl, but all kids develop at different rates at different times and in different areas, checklists cannot take this into account. No one should look at that checklist and worry if they don't tick any boxes.

Bizarre checklist imo

catkinq · 03/05/2009 19:37

ds can't do any of these. He is 3 and 3 months and has been checked by HV, hearing dept and speech therapist all of whom have said that he is normal. He just doesn't do these things. They all do things in their own time (my older son taught himself to read at about 3 but is still "unrealiable" in the potty training department at 6. children vary).

Gillyan · 03/05/2009 23:55

DD is 3.3

Can use knife and fork

Can hop but only if she holds to something

Can recire full name and address and knows to call 999 if theres a fire or if mummy s ill and she's scared etc.

Can undress bottom half but not top.

Can do zipz up on coat but not buttons.

I haven't done any stranger danger with her, maybe I should then?? Don't see the point at this age. DD chats to anyone and everyone in supermarket and stuff.

Vaguely · 04/05/2009 00:16

-can do the physical things
-but have never taught him his address
-he glares at people who speak to him anyway. tho if they offered him sweets hed prob go for it

pumpkinsoup · 05/05/2009 20:18

I think these must be things often acheived while a child is 3. They are not what I would ever expect from a just 3yr old, maybe one or occasionally two, but definately not all of them!

DD 3.11

Knife and fork - Yes (by 2yrs)

Hop - yes (at 3.9)

Name - yes, full address - recognises it, but couldn't recite it

get dressed - I wish! trousers, skirts and knickers, ponchos and wellies/crocs, hats. NOTHING else.

Stranger danger - sadly I have had to fully instruct her on this repeatedly over the last 10 days, I'm still not sure she gets it though

I'd much rather teach 'personal safety', if anything.

sweetkitty · 05/05/2009 20:24

Mumsnet Discussions: Behaviour / development : HV check list for 3 yr olds. can your 3 yr old do the following? (72 messages)
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By pumpkinsoup on Tue 05-May-09 20:18:09
I think these must be things often acheived while a child is 3. They are not what I would ever expect from a just 3yr old, maybe one or occasionally two, but definately not all of them!

DD2 3.3y

Knife and fork - No we have never given her a knife, I am surprised by how many people give their DC knives and forks, can they cut up their food themselves? I am still doing it for DD1 who is 4?

Hop - yes

Name - full name but not sure she could get full address

get dressed - yes

Stranger danger - no we haven't approached this yet

sweetkitty · 05/05/2009 20:24

oops

SmilingEi · 05/05/2009 20:31

my DD is 3.4yo

dress self- yes top and bottom but sometimes the top is the wrong way around
use knife and fork- yes
hop- i have never thought to ask her to hop so???
recite full name and address- she knows her full name and the name of our road but not the number of the house. she can recognise our house without being told
understand stranger danger?- she knows about strangers but its too exciting for her to be making new friends for her to take notice of 'rules' like dont talk to strangers
xx ei xx

iris66 · 05/05/2009 20:34

Hi sweetkitty [waves] hope all's well with you & your darling girls - we're having another pink one soon too

Oh goody -something else for us to be beaten over the head with - our crappiness at not teaching our LOs some really random skills

DS1 was 3 in Jan - here goes....

dress self - yes
use knife and fork -no. I still cut up his food though he's just starting to use a knife to push food onto his fork.
recite full name and address - name only
understand stranger danger? - no and, quite honestly, show me a 3yo that does!!

goodness!!

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