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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

AIBU for my 16month old to understand this???

49 replies

tryingtobemarypoppins · 17/04/2009 19:23

DS is refuessing to eat his main meals but wofs down dessert. I need to offer him both as his weight is a little low but now he is totally refusing his main!

Today I told him he must eat 1 spoonful then showed him his pudding. I even put 1 spoonful in a clean bowl. He went mental untill after 15 mins of going blue I gave in!

Would he understand what I am asking or AIBU?

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MarlaSinger · 17/04/2009 19:25

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TrinityIsGettingABabyRhino · 17/04/2009 19:27

I#m not sure
but I wouldn#t bother until you are completely sure he totally and utterly understand you

giving in this time means it will be harder to do next time

I always feel that battles around food are never a good thing

make his pudding a balanced part of his whole meal and chill about it

Acinonyx · 17/04/2009 19:27

Well he does understand. He understands that if he protests long enough you will give in. I suggest you either don't give in, or give him a very small puding then hope he will eat his main.

Personally I don't do puddings - problem solved. I certainly wouldn't bring the pudding out first - and yes I think he's too young to do delayed gratification.

I find dd will go back and eat her main if she does have a yogurt or soemthing occaisionally as pudding - but she's a big eater.

sarah293 · 17/04/2009 19:28

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HecatesTwopenceworth · 17/04/2009 19:28

no, probably not.

He now associates the main meal with the pudding!

Since a child cannot live by pudding alone My advice would be to not offer the 2 together!

leave it an hour or 2.

so when he doesn't eat his main meal, he waits the hour or 2 and then, no fuss, no trouble, just time to eat again, he has a pudding.

It'll be hell at first and he'll miss a meal or two - but it won't kill him! and he'll pretty soon lose that association.

Original poster

tryingtobemarypoppins · 17/04/2009 19:31

Oh god I feel crap now. Its been going on for ages! He only wants cold, sweet slop! Teething I expect but its just not healthy - been like this since Christmas!

If it was the odd meal, then that's fine, but every meal......!!

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Original poster

tryingtobemarypoppins · 17/04/2009 19:33

Sorry Hecates, just to confirm your saying:

Offer main meal, when he refuses, offer nothing else, leave it for a bit, then offer main again, if he refuses again, offer pud?

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thisisyesterday · 17/04/2009 19:34

no, i don't think at 16 months he can understand that he has to eat some and then have pudding#
and if you show him pudding of course he is going to want it and just hold out.

I would either stop puddings completely. or give both at the same time, I often find that after a few spoonfuls of yoghurt ds2 will go back to his main (he's 17m)
you could give him the teeniest pud in a bowl, like just a dessertspoonful of yoghurt or something, place it alongside his main meal and just let him get on with it

HecatesTwopenceworth · 17/04/2009 19:37

No. offer main meal, if he refuses, chuck it away. offer pudding as a seperate meal at a different time.

If you offer, leave it, offer, replace it with pudding - you are doing the same thing you are doing now.

The only reason I suggest this instead of saying "Ah, never mind, don't make it a battle, give him the pudding, it'll be ok.." is that puddings do not meet a childs nutritianal needs. carbs. protein. dairy.... you need your main meals as well!

HecatesTwopenceworth · 17/04/2009 19:38

oooh, that wasn't "no" as in "No thisisyesterday, you are wrong" it is in response to next post up!

Original poster

tryingtobemarypoppins · 17/04/2009 19:40

But Hecates, that is what happens now! He shakes his head, I take it away or offer pud then and there......its not working!

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Homebird8 · 17/04/2009 19:43

You say that you need to offer him a main and a pudding because of his weight. Why not make it a starter and a main and keep them both savoury for a while. Having said savoury there's nothing to stop you choosing sweet potato, sweet corn, sweet peppers, tomatoes carrots. Extra calories can be added in the shape of cream if you mash things. Try also omelette with a splosh of cream in the mixture and some cheese. Meat is calorific and always goes down well in bolognese (pasta's good too).
How do I know this? - It's all the things I do to keep my own weight up!

thisisyesterday · 17/04/2009 19:45

lol hecate

I would honestly just give it all together. a teeny tiny pudidng will not fill him up, he can satisfy himself having a bit and then fill up on his proper meal.
and mkae sure that "pudding" is something healthy.
we do things like natural yoghurt with ground flax seed, blueberries and honey/maple syrup.
or just plain old fruit.

Original poster

tryingtobemarypoppins · 17/04/2009 19:45

Lovely idea Homebird but its all todo with texture. The only savory he will eat is cerial. We have had this since Christmas. The dietition is considering specail milk to fatten him up. Don't know how we got to this.

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thisisyesterday · 17/04/2009 19:46

and agree, weight is no reason that he "needs" a pudding. you can offer him higher calorie savoury food if his weight is a real concern, but he isn't going to starve by going without pudding

HecatesTwopenceworth · 17/04/2009 19:47

So you already offer him his meal and if he refuses, take it away and offer him nothing until the next 'mealtime' (a couple of hours away)?

No idea then, sorry. Although thisisyesterday's suggestion is good too (see I'm saying 'too' cos I still think my idea is not a bad one ) give him dinner and pudding together - small enough so that neither will fill him on their own, and let him feed himself, pudding, dinner, dinner pudding, both on the same spoon, whatever takes his fancy

Original poster

tryingtobemarypoppins · 17/04/2009 19:47

thisisyesterday, going to give that a try tomorrow, thanks

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thisisyesterday · 17/04/2009 19:47

but sometimes they do refuse stuff. you have tyo keep offering though.

by 17m old has just had 2 weeks of refusing to eat pretty much any fruit or veg. which is kind of worrying as he is on basically a vegan diet due to food intolerances!
today, he gobbled up a whole apple and a pear and happily ate veg with his dinner.

so, just keep offering.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 17/04/2009 19:49

that's also a good idea - no puddings at all, higher cal dinners.

A life without pudding

KingCanuteIAm · 17/04/2009 19:51

Stop pudding alltogether for a while, if he is having weight problems he needs to be eating a balanced diet, a balanced diet does not need puddings! Could you offer a yogurt as part of his breakfast to help with dairy intake. Yogurts are also good for supper?

It may take him a day or two (or three) to realise that screaming does not produce a pudding but he will get it eventually and start eating a better meal. Once this is established you could introduce puddings again if you think he needs it.

Homebird8 · 17/04/2009 19:52

I wouldn't bother with the "if he doesn't eat it let him starve until the next meal" route. If I don't eat, my appetite disappears and his might be the same. What do you give him for pudding?

HecatesTwopenceworth · 17/04/2009 19:55

nobody starves in a couple of hours! They generally feel more hungry! If you're 2 hours late for your dinner you no longer want to eat? Bloody hell, I wish I was like you! I'd not have an arse with its own postcode!

Homebird8 · 17/04/2009 19:57

Ok perhaps starve was a bit of a daft word. I didn't want to say 'go hungry' because he might not do that either. I'm one of thpose people you probably hate. Can't put on weight to save my life.

Original poster

tryingtobemarypoppins · 17/04/2009 19:59

"appetite disappears" this is where the problem started as he was poorly, lost iron, lost his appetite etc.

The only puds we give are organic yogart, banana, fruit puree, a smoothie - that's it.

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MarlaSinger · 17/04/2009 20:02

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