AIBU for my 16month old to understand this???

[tryingtobemarypoppins]

DS is refuessing to eat his main meals but wofs down dessert. I need to offer him both as his weight is a little low but now he is totally refusing his main!

Today I told him he must eat 1 spoonful then showed him his pudding. I even put 1 spoonful in a clean bowl. He went mental untill after 15 mins of going blue I gave in!

Would he understand what I am asking or AIBU?

but if you only offer things he will eat he'll never get used to eating a normal balanced diet and you'll just store up problems for the future.

you have got to keep offering hgim things, even if he refuses them.
as I say, ds2 has refused anything fruit/vegetable for about 2 weeks. anything cold and wet got spat out immediately. I kept giving him tiny bits of tomato and stuff and today he ate it. plus the fruit I mentioned earlier.

just because they have refused things doesn't mean they hate it and will never eat it again, but they do need the option and the encouragement

my ds2 ate nothing for about 2 months but raisins, porridge, cornflakes, bananas and ketchup...mainly all at the same time

I just kept offering other stuff, making very little fuss (no bad faces or anything)

and little and often I would offer different things not necessarily at meal times.

He is now 22 months and will tuck into most things. Somedays he will be fussier than others. Some days he will eat nothing and somedays I cant believe that he can fit any more in.

I was told that around 17 months they learn to be fussy as a survival technique (away more from mum therefore eat what they know for safety reasons...or more likely as practice for being a two year old!)

good luck it shall pass.

Well, obviously I am simply not going to speak with you again...

joking aside, that must be just as tough as being overweight and struggling to lose it.

tryingtobe - I'm sorry, I didn't realise your son had anaemia. my youngest son was VERY ill for over a year. no appitite, wouldn't eat ANYTHING. in the end, he was a skeleton and we were force feeding him complan. He has anaemia. It is nasty, isn't it? My son was kept down a year (at our insistance) because his illness had stopped him from learning. He used to come home, flop on the sofa and cry.

Ignore all my suggestions. I didn't realise your son was ill.

My son is now on Ferrous Sulphate and has been for a couple of years. The difference is amazing.

He eats a good breakfast at 8, cerial, seeds, yogart. He then has 4oz milk at 9am then sleeps till 12:00. At 1pm I offer a light sandwich lunch which he refuses so offer a yogart which he eats. He then only has water and a date and banana bar for example at 3pm. At 4.45 he is offered cooked meal which ends up on the floor screaming fit etc!

OK, let's stick with the dessert options.

What about trying a sponge pudding with fruit puree? If he'll eat cereal then will he eat flapjack (full of calories and you can add sultanas which count as fruit too!)? If he'll eat bananas, what about bananas and custard (put cream in the custard; even better make proper custard with egg in it too)? Try rice pudding.

If you're really trying to fatten him up them you need to stop thinking about what you would think are the low fat healthy options. Get some calories into him to develop his appetite and enjoyment of food (don't let it become a battle). Once he's putting on weight you can broach the next step of broadening his diet.

Try mashed sweet potato with a yoghurt topping. It won't be too big a step to add some cheese into it in a few weeks.

Are these ideas any use? If they are I'll keep thinking. I know what it's like to be the child everyone wants to eat more. I stopped eating for 6 months at the age of 3 (when my baby sister was born) and survived on milk alone until my grandma tempted me with the first strawberries of the season. (DSis was born at Christmas.)

thisisyesterday, yes I always offer different things but when he refeses I HAVE to offer him something else. Are you saying that when your LO doesn't eat something new you DON'T offer anything else?

ttbmarypops, it must be so hard for you with his illness to consider too. If he refuses his lunchtime sandwich, think about what's going into it. Children wil eat wacky combinations (my DS's made themselve a marmite and toothpaste sandwich - and ate it). What about a dollop of cranberry sauce with a little bit of ham in a sandwich?

marla, no i agree with that, not suggesting the OP only offers things that her son doesn't eat iyswim. of course it should be alongside those that he will eat.
But I think that it can be very easy to get into a mindset of not bothering to offer certain things because they don't get eaten iyswim? when actually it can be very productive to just keep on offering

tryingtobe... if it's a new thing that he has never had before that he refuses then I offer something else.
if it is something he has eaten fine in the past but has just decided he doesn't want then he doesn't get anything else offered

Thank-you so much Homebird. Yes very helpful. I feel though I will offer a small dessert you gave examples of alongside main meal and hope he eats both. I'm a bit worried he will just eat the small pud as he only has a small tum and the moment, so it will have to be just a spoonful for now! I just want him eating meat, fish and veg!!

does he normally feed himself? or do you spoonfeed?
only ask as ds2 will NOT let anyone feed him, but loves getting stuck in himself, so if your little one doesn't already then it might be worth a try?

Try looking for recipes that have a sweetish sauce with meat in. I've a good one called fruity beef tagine which has meat and prunes in, not that you could tell they are prunes when you eat it. If you want the recipe just ask. Some very mild curries are sweetened with coconut and you can easily hide fish in that sort of sauce.

Oh god no - mummy isn't allowed anywhere near his spoon! Soemtimes I can sit and eat with him, other times its make no eye contact, don't breathe etc until the spoon is in the month........I am exhusted and sick of throwing away food!

He did use to love Shephards Pie, sweet potato and apple with chicken and Fish pie but now won't even put his spoon in teh bowl. He often gags when he looks at pasta or rice......bit worrying.....

Try not using spoons at all. Let the food get to finger warm and let him play with it. Make faces in it yourself. Use ketchup as paint on it. My DS2 wouldn't let a spoon go near him at that age and now has better table manners than me! (I'm still playing with my food before I eat it!)

Thanks for all your lovely ideas Homebird. He is veing refered for play therpy so fingers crossed.

Got everything crossed for you. It sounds as though there's more going on than typical preference for sweet things. If it helps, I turned out alright!

i like the idea of giving pudding with the meal and let him get on with it. make a fuss whenever he takes a bite of the savoury, give him lots of parise, clapping etc even if he only touches his spoon to it. over time reduce the pudding size while increasing the savoury, then one day, you could 'forget' to bring the pudding straight away and say, 'you start with that while i fetch it', lots of praise if he does so withuot complaining

Thanks Severus.....Glad you agree, I never know if I'm doing anything right!

not worth making a fuss about meal times. I put ds' meal on the table, ignore what he does with it and we chat about other stuff. As often as possible I also eat when he does, have you tried that? I consider dessert (he only has yogurt, fruit or once in a blue moon a mini milk ice cream) part of the meal and he is offered this even if he's eaten nothing. My previous attempts to control what he eats has only led to stubborn tantrums - pointless.

Yes, I know the basics shoppingbags, but after losing over 1/2 kg, we are at pulling hair out stage!

poor you
it is a struggle to be calm and not to worry when your little ones refuse to eat. i have 3 DC and all of them have done this at some stage, they get interested in other things and have 'no time' for eating! does your DS drink a lot before meals? he might be feeling full if he does.
this kind of thing is almost always a 'stage' they go through, tough as it is, it will get better, hang in there

Thinking about what you are saying ttbMaryPops, DS2 is 4 1/2 and has put on only 1/2 kg over the past year only to lose it again. He's just 14 1/2 kg. But then, he's my build and I'm ok. Just have to eat very frequently. Have you tried the constant access to food without the 3 particular meal times we're used to? Perhaps I should be getting worried about DS2? He prefers to return to an uneaten dinner 1/2 hour after everyone else has finished eating but interestingly wants it warmed up again. What did my mother do without a microwave!

Sorry, I didn't realise your son had been ill. This is a very differnt thing to food fussiness, as has been said and I can imagine you are worried. If the situation is that you are having difficulty, or need to get anything in then I totally agree that you should go with anything that works and take advantage of opportunities to offer something new whenever you can. As has been said, if he will eat sweet things then offer them along with a taste of something different to go along with it - just to keep the taste buds going, not because you expect him to eat it right now IYSWIM.

Take care that your expectation of what he will eat doesn't colour the way you offer the food, children are aware of the way you behave in ways you do not see. It is possible that you expect him to refuse mains so you behave differently when you offer them. Perhaps try to train yourself to see a meal as food rather than main/pudding/breakfast. Other than that, I agree, at this stage food is food is good.

Out of interest did you do BLW? Do you think it would be worth trying to offer him a selection of food, for example a banana, a yogurt, some carrot/pepper/cooked sweet potato and anything else you can think of that provides a variety? Perhaps having control over his food will cause him to naturally select? I would see something like this as being the same as offering a full meal but on one plate so he can pick and choose rather than being so structured about it?

As others have said, I offer you my support and sympathy. I have had fussy moments with my children but nothing like this and I do feel for you, it must be very difficult to try to get the balance right.