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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Hmmm.. .what would you think if your 12yr old DS

37 replies

OrmIrian · 27/03/2009 13:41

asked you, out of the blue; "Mum, what would you do if S#2 (6) was gay?".

It seems an od question. Is it significant I wonder.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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PinkTulips · 27/03/2009 13:44

strange.

have ye ever talked about homosexuality? does he know your views on it?

did he seem ok when he asked or did it seem like something he was a bit concerned about?

Kammy · 27/03/2009 13:45

Have they been talking about sexuality in school?

FragileMum · 27/03/2009 13:47

Hi. Kids of 12ish start wondering about all sorts of sexually related things so there is probably nothing to worry about at all. You could try asking your DS why he had that thought. I've had all sorts of wonderful chats with my 13 yo DD. My mum never discussed anything with me so I've been very open with my DD.

Original poster

OrmIrian · 27/03/2009 14:05

We had been talking about his mates at school and their gfs. Not sexuality as such. But he didn't seem concerned tulips just interested.

kammy - I don't think so. Not formally.

fragilemum - I am not worried one way or the other and we've always been very clear that there is nothing wrong with homosexuality.

I just said that I wouldn't do anything but I'd be very glad if he felt he could tell me.

The oddest thing if that I have always had a gut feeling that DS#1 was gay. No reason for it, just a feeling.

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bigTillyMint · 27/03/2009 14:08

So was it DS#1 that asked the question about his younger brother?

Maybe he's testing out how you would react if he said he was gay?

Original poster

OrmIrian · 27/03/2009 14:09

Yes tilly, it was. And that's what I thought it might be too.

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bigTillyMint · 27/03/2009 14:11

I think it might have been a good way of testing the water, as at that age he will be feeling very confused about his own feelings, etc.

PuppyMonkey · 27/03/2009 14:13

MY 12 year old dd has been doing sex education at school - maybe he has too? Probably has set him off thinking about things.

Original poster

OrmIrian · 27/03/2009 14:34

It might be that puppy. But he hasn't mentioned it.

I may be overthinking it. If he has something to tell me I guess he will in his own time.

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LEMAGAIN · 27/03/2009 14:39

no might be about it orm, you ARE overthinking it. At 12 year old being gay has no more significance than giggle factor im sure. Only thing though, do you think he might be being picked on at school and being called "gay" for some reason?

cory · 27/03/2009 14:39

Could be testing the waters. Which may not necessarily mean that he knows for sure he is gay. 12 is still very young. But he may be worrying about it. Sounds like you handled it really well.

ScorpiowithabigS · 27/03/2009 14:39

I would use it as an opportunity to almost tell him that its perfectly acceptable & normal to be homosexual, or curious about it.

I'm not sure if he was testing the water or not, its hard to say without knowing him iyswim.

ScorpiowithabigS · 27/03/2009 14:41

At 12 I'm sure that alot of gay people have known, or had an inkling. I know several gay people (men & women) who have had at least an idea by this age.

herbietea · 27/03/2009 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

OrmIrian · 27/03/2009 14:44

lem - I know But as I said I have just had this feeling about him for years. But I am going to try to forget about it. Definirely not being bullied (inspite of his long blond hair ) - we've just been to see his tutor for report day and from all accounts he's confident and has a good group of friends. So I don't think that's it.

Thanks cory - I hope so.

scorpio - he is fairly honest with me. We've just a whole day together as he's been off school. And we have talked about so many things. It could be that he felt like opening up, or that it was just one of lots of things that he wanted to discuss.

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ScorpiowithabigS · 27/03/2009 14:45

Your relationship sounds lovely, nice and open

Original poster

OrmIrian · 27/03/2009 14:46

herbie - he uses 'gay' in that context too. In spite of my objections .

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Sycamoretree · 27/03/2009 14:53

I don't think 12 years old is to early to know whether you might be gay or not. Lots of adults claim they knew by that age or even earlier. Satistically it's likely that at least one poster on this thread has a gay son or daughter.

Anyway, all this is kind of irrelevant OrmIrian because clearly you have created a fantastic and very caring open relationship with your son so if this IS the reason he was asking, then you've been brilliant about making him feel it will all be ok at whatever point he may decide to let you know.

I did once ask my mum what she would do if I voted conservative when I was older (she was a staunch leftie) but I was absolutely just trying to provoke a reaction. Didn't get one - grrr . I know it's not the same thing, but it could be that he was just testing out your personal moral boundaries for no other reason than curiosity.

LEMAGAIN · 27/03/2009 14:53

I suppose the answer would have to be then, if you have a "feeling" about him - is so what?? So long as he is happy! Of course its not as simple as that as obviously if he does turn out to be gay he will have to come to terms with it and societies views on it so he will need your support. But right now, he is 12, he is a young lad and really don't think you have anything to worry about. I would respond by saying to him "well, if either of my sons turn out to be gay, i'll be happy for them, if that is what they want" End of story, no discussion, no nothing, not unless he asks/.

Sycamoretree · 27/03/2009 14:53

too early.

screamingabdab · 27/03/2009 15:01

I agree with Sycamoretree

cory · 27/03/2009 15:01

not necessarily too young to know: some people no doubt do know very early; others may think they are gay but later turn out to have been going through a phase, or to be bisexual or whatever

whichever it turns out to be, the important thing is that he feels safe with you. and it does seem like he will do.

andlipsticktoo · 27/03/2009 15:08

Maybe lots of his friends have gf and he has absolutely no interest at all. My ds1 (12) still thinks girls 'smell'! Yet many of his friends (10/11) havve gf.
I would have said exactly what you said, that I wouldn't 'do' anything, I'd just be very proud of the fact he would tell me.
I think you may be over thinking it, like you suggested yourself.

Original poster

OrmIrian · 27/03/2009 15:52

Thanks everyone.

We then went on to have a brief conversation about bisexuality. DS reckoned it might be the best of both worlds. Had to suppress a snigger at that. I think he might be more grown-up than me

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Original poster

OrmIrian · 27/03/2009 15:53

I don't think it's too early either cory.

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