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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Hmmm.. .what would you think if your 12yr old DS

37 replies

OrmIrian · 27/03/2009 13:41

asked you, out of the blue; "Mum, what would you do if S#2 (6) was gay?".

It seems an od question. Is it significant I wonder.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ScorpiowithabigS · 27/03/2009 16:01

at best of both worlds.

Original poster

OrmIrian · 27/03/2009 16:56

andlipstick - he has no interest in girls. He had a gf in primary but TBH she was more interested than he was. I think she saw him more as an accessory than anything else. He finds his friend's gfs a nuisance TBH

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LEMAGAIN · 27/03/2009 18:56

rotfl sorry, but how funny. I wouldnt worry about the no gf bit, i think thats normal

CottageChicken · 28/03/2009 00:56

He sounds like a very mature, together 12-year-old. I am gay and knew at 11. Never any question in my mind, even though I experimented ever so slightly with the opposite sex. I'm a gold star . Absolutely had to at 'best of both worlds'. Sounds like he's going to be a good one.

He sounds lovely, to be honest, and I wouldn't wonder what to do at all. Think you handled it well and you knew the answer and didn't really need to post!

Original poster

OrmIrian · 28/03/2009 07:17

Thanks cottagechicken.

I only posted to see if others agreed with me that there was some significance in the question.

I mentioned it to DH last night and he insisted that it meant nothing. But I think he'd struggle with the whole idea anyway

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LEMAGAIN · 28/03/2009 12:56

you really knew at 11 cottage?? Sorry, are you male or female? I just can't imagine thinking about a preference for SEX at that age. I'm not questioning you, you clearly know yourself . But i just wondered what it is that made you know?? A friend of mine, well more of an aquaintance, her son - not sure how old, but at primary school, absolutely insisted on wearing girls clothes, ALL the time - even to school . Not sure what happened with him actually, it went on for years - I think we all sort of assumed he would be gay though. I think what you say argues for the NATURE as opposed to nurture side of the sexuality debate. Just because, probably at 11, your sexuality i guess is different to having thoughts about sex and you just don't "learn" that. Sorry, im not making much sense - just genuinely interested.

CottageChicken · 29/03/2009 03:13

Hi LEM no problem at all. I'm female, and I think girls mature faster than boys anyway, I don't ever remember thinking 'I want to grow up, have sex with women and marry one' iyswim, but I knew that I had crushes on girls (even my teacher )and when I saw my friends having boyfriends I was very put off, lol, never once crossed my mind that it would be nice to be with one.

I kissed a boy at age 13 and thought, disgusting, kissed a girl same age and thought, this is the way to go .

I definitely agree that it's nature, as family weren't exactly pleased with the whole thing (I came out to them at 18 but I'm sure they knew well before). Just my bit.

nooka · 29/03/2009 05:37

I worried that I might be gay when I was a little younger (late primary) and then again a bit later (maybe 14 or so) because of crushes when I was younger, and not finding boys attractive when I was older. I think it is the sort of thing you do wonder/worry about if you are not that confident with your sense of self. It is an interesting line to take though, using his brother as an example rather than himself, sounds like he wanted to make sure that you were OK with the idea (not that that means he is or isn't gay, he might just be generally checking). Good response I think. We talked to our eight year old and nine year old about being gay because of proposition eight (we were in the US at the time), and they are still I am glad to say of the mind that everyone can do what they like when they are grown up. I hope it stays that way. There still seems to be a fair amount of homophobia in schools.

LEMAGAIN · 29/03/2009 11:53

is it homophobia nooka, or is it just the general sillyness that children have around sex because they don't understand it, and then if someone is "different" it just leads to another excuse to bully?

Original poster

OrmIrian · 29/03/2009 17:00

lem - it is probably just general silliness to start with. But it only takes someone's dad or mum to make nasty comments about 'gays' at home, to make it ae slightly different, more serious matter. I honestly think that if DS was genuinely gay he's had difficulty in is hometown. Much as I love the place in many ways, it can be narrow minded.

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nooka · 29/03/2009 18:28

I think that kids using the term "gay" to abuse each other are being homophobic. Possibly they don't particularly intend to be, and yes I think a bit of silliness about sex is involved (I don't think girls are quite as prolific with the abuse, although "lezza/dyke" certainly wasn't something you wanted to be called when I was growing up). It doesn't help that adults are starting to use the term "gay" in banter (as in that's a bit gay) - I think they should know better.

Original poster

OrmIrian · 30/03/2009 09:21

It is horribly prevalent nooka. And I agree that adults should know better but they rarely seem to. I don't know how it would feel hearing that usage if you were gay and a bit naive.

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