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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

stopping tantrums and getting my daughter to wear girls clothes!!!!!

32 replies

kezzax · 21/03/2009 21:14

my little girl is 4 1/2, my only child and is the only girl in a family of little boys. she is a very clever little girl and notices everything. She refuses to wear girls clothes, thats not just dresses or skirts its anything girly, tea shirts, trousers, green, pink blue!! she seems to want to live in a horrible pair of trousers and wear the same red t shirt everyday, she refuses to wear underwear (god im a rubbish mum arent i) so my question is what do i do???? she genuinely wont wear nice clothes she tantrums, screams, sulks and gets very distressed if i force her to wear something she doesnt like, i dont know if she is a little insecure because she also says people will laugh at her if they see them!! i can handle this for a couple of days but it breaks my heart to see her so sad at having to wear something she hates... pls help me!!

OP posts:

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mrsmaidamess · 21/03/2009 21:17

Is it worth having a fight about it? If she likes those clothes, what does it matter what other folk think?

seeker · 21/03/2009 21:17

So don't make her wear anything she hates! Honestly, it doesn't matter -pick your battles, I say!

NorktasticNinja · 21/03/2009 21:20

I'd let her go with her choice too. Repeat after mE: This too will pass, this too will pass!

If the things she likes really are getting too old and skanky could you go shopping together for something new she likes?

Original poster

kezzax · 21/03/2009 21:21

i just see all these pretty girly girls that look all neat and tidy and feel llike the worst mum in the world because my little girl looks like a scruff!! she wont even put a bobble in her hair

OP posts:

pooka · 21/03/2009 21:21

Let her wear what she wants for a while. Tis probably a phase. Maybe take her shopping and let her choose a favourite t shirt and trousers.

Other poster who said that is important to pick your battles is very wise.

Original poster

kezzax · 21/03/2009 21:22

have tried shopping with her, she will pick something in the shop but refuse to wear it afterwards, she is like a mini teenager

OP posts:

crokky · 21/03/2009 21:22

I would get her some boys pants with a design that she likes. Then at least she'll have underwear. I would try and get her some plain red stretch trousers or something like that (no flowers on!). Perhaps a plain white T shirt or something like that (everything plain in school uniform section). Some boys T shirts might be OK - light blue with a navy blue logo maybe. If you still have no success with plain/unisex ish clothes, I'd just let her wear what she wants personally.

SalBySea · 21/03/2009 21:23

I went through a phase of refusing to wear anything but a hideous navy blue tracksuit at one point. I was allowed to do so and I soon grew into a very girly girl

Klaw · 21/03/2009 21:23

Don't make an issue out of it. Let her wear what's she's happy in, you'll both be happier in the long run.

She might come around to more feminine clothes when she's older, then she might not. As all the other kids in your family are boys she's probably just wanting to be like them. Cousins are just as important as siblings in close families.

pooka · 21/03/2009 21:24

Girly girls are dull.

I have a dd and I so wanted her to want to wear cool gender neutral clothes because I am so not into pink and frills and sparkles. Alas it was not to be

BUt my point is that in the Famous Five, George was more interesting than wet Anne. The phenomenon of wall-to-wall pink and frou frou is relatively modern and not a good thing IMO.

NorktasticNinja · 21/03/2009 21:24

Then it's probably a power struggle type thing. It really will pass in time and probably quicker if you don't make a big thing of it. As PPs have said, pick your battles.

malfoy · 21/03/2009 21:24

I am in a similar situation except that my DD will only wear horrible girl clothes, ie synthetic pink & purple, preferably with Dora on them AND she always looks scruffy.

IT WILL PASS. It will.

gagarin · 21/03/2009 21:25

Take her shopping and let her choose what she would like to buy - make sure you go round the boys section too - you might be surprised to find she does like something else or would tolerate a replacement red Tshirt for example.

What do you wear every day? Do you wear girly dresses? She might want to look like you (if you don't!) or look nothing like you (if you do!).

Be gentle and try and let her take the lead.

Alos how about getting some story books with stereotypical pictures of girls & boys in it and ask her to imagine what each if thinking and doing. Her ideas might give you some clues about what is going on in her head. Things like - "look at these children - what do you think is happening. Which are the girls in this picture? Who is having most fun? Why?"

seeker · 21/03/2009 21:25

What's more important - her being happy or her dressing like a girly girl?

pooka · 21/03/2009 21:26

What about just plain (no sequins, logos, embroidery, nada) jeans and funky t shirts. Trainers.

She'd look great and just like most adult women round here - I wear jeans constantly, as do most of my friends. And there isn't much pink worn aggressively once you get older unless you're jordan et al.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 21/03/2009 21:27

DD is like this, she has a mixture of girls trousers, boys trousers and the same with tops, nothing pink at all, she picks what she wants to wear mostly boys stuff, it saves a lot of problems.

Original poster

kezzax · 21/03/2009 21:27

aw thanks for all your messages, i just feel a bit like a failure, cant get her in underwear nevermind a skirt!! but i heed all your advice, i hope it is just a phase, i swear if she does become a girly girl then i will sell my house and spend the money on dresses and pink stuff lol

OP posts:

FiveGoMadInDorset · 21/03/2009 21:28

She also will only wear boys pants.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 21/03/2009 21:29

In fact she wore a pair of yellow cropped trousers today and that is the first piece of girls clothing she has worn for 3 weeks, that actually looked like they were meant for girls.

KHS · 21/03/2009 21:30

Overall this sounds like a control issue/power struggle to me, in which case my experience has always been to back off unless it is a life-or-death situation. As soon as they can sense that you no longer care, whatever it is will stop being so important to them.

Maybe she simply doesn't like her clothes and wants to look more like her brothers? There's no real reason for her to wear girls clothes, other than you wanting her to. Many little girls wear boy clothes-maybe they are just more comfy and less fussy?

You could tell her that from now on she can be in charge of what she wears-you won't pressure her ever again as you can see how much it upsets her. Tell her that this means keeping her clothes tidy and clean. Explain why being clean is important and that not wearing underwear means her trousers will need to be washed all the time. Maybe she'd like to go to the shop with you and pick out some new underwear (or some new clothes) that she likes? If she agrees then let her buy whatever she picks, no fuss made.

Go completely cold turkey-just stop dressing her full stop and see how she handles it. If she looks nice, tell her. If not, just don't say anything at all. Some kids go out in a superhero costume every day for a whole year without feeling embarrassed after all, so a red t-shirt and some old trousers sounds OK to me.

techpep · 21/03/2009 21:30

I absolutely love seeing little girls in normal playclothes and their mums not fussing over them as they are eating a chocolate ice cream, boys are allowed so why not girls. I just hate the girly Hannah Montana/ HSM rubbish that girls want to wear at the moment. Unfortunately my dd has convinced herself that she is Hannah Montanas twin sister and does everything to look like her

pooka · 21/03/2009 21:30

Think of all the money you'd be saving if you weren't buying girly clothes that didn't get worn. You could put it aside for when the phase passes

I predict it'll change when she gets older. Interestingly dd has recently become much more pro-trousers and different colours. Pink is no longer the only colour in her wardrobe and it's great (though now have the problem that nothing matches).

Original poster

kezzax · 21/03/2009 21:30

so glad to hear someone else is the same!! makes me feel so much better, will stop panicking so much...

OP posts:

FiveGoMadInDorset · 21/03/2009 21:32

And we are saving so much money as she has a younger brother

milkysallgone · 21/03/2009 21:38

I do sympathise with you as I am going through a very similar thing with my 4 yr old dd at the moment. I just know that whatever I put out for her to wear will be rejected for some reason or another.

She will rarley wear bobbles, pretty head bands etc either, and usually ends up looking like some sort of cave girl (big hair!)

I try to take a deep breath and put it into perspective; what is more important: my selfish desire for her to look 'pretty', or my dd's self esteem? Difficult as it can be some days, I know that allowing her to make these decisions tells her she is important and not other people's perception iyswim.

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