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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Is it normal for a 10 year old to be unkind to a 2 year old?

31 replies

Lawks · 20/03/2009 17:34

We spent time today with a family we didn't know. They had their daughter and her friend, both 10 yrs old. Another family had a 5 yr old boy. Then we had dd, age 2.

The 10 yr old obviously didn't think any of the adults could hear her. She started teasing my dd for not wearing knickers. (Slight accident and I'd not got around to putting a new pair on her straight away). Then she was really horrid to dd about her name, saying it was a stupid name. I walked over to distract dd into coming away. 10 yr old had her back to me as I approached. Was to see her deliberately flick a face full of sand at my dd.

Dd was covered in sand and this horror had obviously been amusing herself flicking sand in my 2 yr old's face.

When dd grinned up at me and said "we're playing with sand Mummy!" the girl spun around with pure guilt all over her face.

Dd didn't realise the girl was being mean and thought it was a game. When I suggested to dd that she might want to come for a walk with me she went racing off to ask "her new friends" if they wanted to come. I heard her ask if they wanted to come on an adventure with her and they laughed at her, but in a really mean way.

Now, I don't know any 10 year olds. I'm sure most are lovely and wouldn't be mean to anyone, let alone a 2-year-old. Surely though it's really odd behaviour for any 10 year old to behave so unkindly to such a young child? Isn't it?

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TheProvincialLady · 20/03/2009 17:41

Yes it is. I would tell the parents how appallingly their dd and her friend behaved.

Your poor dd I am glad she was oblivious.

cory · 20/03/2009 17:47

I think it's particularly odd that she beahves like this to a young child who is not her sibling. Dd and ds are not always terribly nice to each other but they behave well towards other children.

Though actually in your case, the age gap is big enough for you to expect protective behaviour from the older child even if it was a sibling. I would tell the parents.

Original poster

Lawks · 20/03/2009 17:47

Yes, I'm pleased for her that she didn't know. It is all a bit heartbreaking being a parent sometimes though isn't it!

I didn't say anything to the parents. We're unlikely to see them again anyway.

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Original poster

Lawks · 20/03/2009 17:48

I must admit that initially I thought I must have misunderstood or misheard. It really seemed odd to me. But, as I say, I have no experience of 10 year old children. Very pleased to be reassured that it's not normal behaviour.

OP posts:

Abi12 · 20/03/2009 17:52

I think this is really odd behavior for a 10 year old. When I was small there was a 5 year gap between me and my brother and all his friends treated me so kindly and were really protective - your poor DD - I know she didn't know but it must have been so upsetting for you.

screamingabdab · 20/03/2009 17:54

Lawks. This is not normal, in my experience. And i would have said something to make it clear to the girl that you saw what happened

specialmagiclady · 20/03/2009 17:55

Except that 10 year old girls are SATANIC. Generally, as I recall....

ConnorTraceptive · 20/03/2009 17:58

Hmmm not sure about a ten year old but I have very similar experiences with my friends 8/9 year olds

screamingabdab · 20/03/2009 17:59

ConnorTraceptive Boys or Girls ?

madlentileater · 20/03/2009 18:05

Not normal I would say.
But may be to do with relationship between the 2 10 yr olds- trying to seem cool to each other?
Can't imagine any of dcs' friends doing this at that age (they are all older now) but if they had I would have had words (with them- they are not babies- on the lines of 'why are you being so unkind?')

LynetteScavo · 20/03/2009 18:18

Not normal, and very odd.

My 10yo DS would never do anything like this to a small child, neither would my 5yo.

keels26 · 20/03/2009 18:21

Thats terrible, your poor DD. Some kids at that age can be horrible and others sweet. Didnt the parents of the girl notice she was being unkind to your DD?

ConnorTraceptive · 20/03/2009 18:21

Both girls

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 20/03/2009 18:21

I have 9 and 11 year olds. They would never behave like this to a small child. But you will get horrible children just like you will get horrible adults. Most are not.

ThingOne · 20/03/2009 18:45

The ten year olds I know are mostly lovely to my DSs 5 and 2.10. They're not angels but are usually kind and caring.

If I saw a ten year old behaving like that I'd speak to her immediately myself.

smartiejake · 20/03/2009 19:30

No not at all normal or acceptable.

My DDs (10 and 12)are both lovely with their young cousins although my sister knows twins girls (aged 11) living next door to her next door who sound very like the nasty piece of work you describe -so not unheard of.

musicposy · 20/03/2009 21:02

No, not normal or acceptable, I agree.
I have a 13 year old and a 9 and a half year old (so, nearly 10!) and I would be appalled if either of them behaved like this. My 13 year old is fantastic with small children; she helps with the littlies at her dance school and they all adore her.
My 9 year old is more used to being babied herself but I've noticed recently that when she's with younger ones she really rises to the occasion, speaking to them in soothing tones and asking what they would like to do!

I would think it a very bad sign if a child that age was capable of being nasty to a child so much younger.

mumeeee · 20/03/2009 22:47

a 10 year old might be mean to a younger sibling. But that is not normal behaviour for a 10 year old to be mean to an unrelated 2 year old.

poshsinglemum · 21/03/2009 10:11

I think that her parents sound crap. I don't buy that they didn't notice. They should wade in and punish their daughter accordingly. Its obscene imo. Go to them and express your concerns and/or tell the 10 year old girl off. She knew what she was doing. Sometimes I think that you are totally justified in scolding someone else's child and this is one of those cases. Girls can be very mean to each other but picking on a two year old is just plain nasty.

poshsinglemum · 21/03/2009 10:13

In any case they SHOULD notice things like this and if they don't that means that they are crap.

deaconblue · 21/03/2009 11:04

my 10 yr old nephew is sometimes delberately unkind to ds (nearly 3). I never leave them for a second alone as I think he might either hurt ds or teach him stupid stuff (eg told him it was fun to hit himself on the head with a wooden hammer). I think it's unusual though, dn is a bit weird in lots of ways, struggles with any empathy etc. I know lots of 6-10 year olds who are kind, gentle and patient with ds and who can be trusted for short periods to play if I'm not in the same room

Original poster

Lawks · 21/03/2009 15:36

Yes, in retrospect I should have said something. You know what these things are like though - I was unsure of the situation and am not generally good at confrontation.

Anyway. It's long gone now. I'm not harbouring any upset and dd thinks she had a lovely day out playing with the big girls.

I was mostly curious to know if this was how 10 year olds are, and I'm relieved that with the odd exception the answer is a resounding no.

OP posts:

jack99 · 21/03/2009 15:43

It is normal for 10 year olds to be uninterested in small children and not to want to play with them. IMO it is not normal for them to actually go out of their way to be deliberately nasty and torment a smaller child.

Do they also like pulling the wings off flies?

bigTillyMint · 21/03/2009 15:46

Well I would be upset (mortified) my DC behaved like that. I'm sure they wouldn't though - they love LO's.

It sounds like she may be a child with some issues - I can't think of any children that I know who would be mean to a toddler.

newpup · 21/03/2009 16:13

No this is not normal behaviour. Most 10 year old girls love little children and are fussing all over them. My DD (almost) 10 would never hurt a small child nor would any of her friends.

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