How do I get mil to see that dd2 not really talking at 21 months is no major worry or concern?

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

I am fed up of her trying to 'teach' dd2 to talk. It's like the woman thinks I never bother speaking to my child.

Everytime I see her I get told that x's baby who is younger can talk in 3 word sentences now. And she knows my nephew can talk well and so and so down the street has said dd2 should be talking by now and we should take her to see some one.

I am not worried about dd2's speach at all. She does say a few words and can identify things if you are ask her and can complete small tasks such as "Go and pass me your boots dd2" or "Go and find the puppy"

Dd1 spoke v v early. You could converse with her by the time she was 18 months. She also walked early, where dd2 was quite late walking. But otoh dd2 is more independant and can already dress herself and is practically potty trained dd2 also fed herself v early and could drink from an open cup from about 8 months old with no problems.

All children develop at different rates, but when I try and explain this to mil, I get told "Yes but she should be talking by now"

tell her Einstein didn't talk until he was seven.

tell her if she's that bothered, she can speak to GP or your HV about it.

Lie- tell her you checked it out with the health professionals and they actually laughed at you for worrying.

Is that true??? I didn't know that. Perhaps my child is a genius in the making .

I'll be sure to mention that to mil.

Actually tell her to stop. Plan what you are going to say and say it, then repeat as necessary. Perhaps you could point out that although she isn't talking she IS listening and doesn't need the stress? Teaching to talk is SO counter productive too (as you know!)

It was 3 not 7 with Einstein. (actually checked a biography of Einstein!)

You could introduce her to my three dcs, none of whom were talking beyond the odd word at 21 months. Ds1 eventually started chatting at 26 months, dd at about 2.5 yrs and ds2 took it to the brink and could barely even say Mummy at 3. He's now 3.5 and I can't shut him up (really, really wish I could, some days). Yes, dd and ds2 were officially "delayed" in their speech but once they decided to go for it they caught up in leaps and bounds. Every child is different, just reassure her that your dd is well within the bounds of normality.

Is it counter productive? I didn't know that. It doesn't seem to bother dd2. She may not be able to talk but she has already learned the art of smiling and nodding at mad old women

When mil starts repeating "Salt pot. Salt pot..." over and over dd2 just smiles says "Hiya" and gets on with what she was doing.

Only in that having a conversation is nicer than being 'taught' iyswim

"Salt pot"??? Of all the things to teach her, the one thing she's not allowed on her food! ROFL.

Yes well I converse with her I just natter on to her during the day and she babbles back. Occassionally I pretend to understand her babbling and say something like "Really dd2? Well I didn't know that. Are you sure?" and she will start giggling.

The "Salt pot" episode was because dd2 had pointed to it on the table which started a whole ten minutes worth of "Thats the salt pot. Can you say salt pot? Salt pot. Go on say it. Salt pot. Salt pot"

Tell your MIL to shut up and perhaps dd2 will be able to get a word in edgeways!

oh god how very wearing! as the mother to a kid with language delay - there is no point in getting a child to repeat like that. If she really wants to teach her the word salt pot, she should be doing something like this "Look, here's the SALT POT, I use the SALT POT to put SALT on food, I'm shaking the SALT POT, do you want to shake the SALT POT too"

damn, total, thought it was seven. still, don't let the truth get in the way of a good story...she's unlikely to check!

blind her with science, say, very loftily, that your child's language acquisition is within the normative range...

tell her you would prefer she just referred to them as condiments

Lol Salome. I would try that but she often knows 'more' than the doctors, she couldn't understand why the HV thought we should wait untill 6 months to wean. Growing babies need more than milk. Every one knows that

I guess it's time to go back to smiling and nodding isn't it? Or tell her that I have been to the HV who is monitoring dd2?

I do so admire the fact that you can do the smiling and nodding. Its a life skill which I don't seem to have acquired.

On a more serious note, it sort of sounds like she needs to be validated about her role in your life. might be feeling a bit redundant and so overemphasising the knowledge she can bring to the party. Is there anything she is really good at that you could engage in with her to do a bit of subtle reassurance that you value her? Top flower arranging, whizz with the sewing machine, skilled microwave operator?

Relationships with Mums! can be fraught! They do know how to push our buttons. wonder if my ds will feel the same about me!

Actually, I could just be talking out of my bottom. Do ignore me!

If she keeps trying to get your dd to repeat words she will be put off speaking. Plenty of case studies in Sally Ward's Babytalk - it's one of the worst things you can do if you want a child to speak. Perhaps borrow the book from the library and photocopy the relevant pages to give to her.

why not tell her that its been proven that pressure to talk delays their talking?

If you want to be really evil you could say "I understand that wasn't your intention, but now that we know we have to back off, or we will be even more responsible for delaying her speach! I think she will probably be delayed another six months, due to the pressure she has been under!" [evil grin emoticon]

Just talk back to your Mum in the same way. "Listen Mum, can you listen Mum, here are my ears, here are your ears" "dd2 is normal, let's all say the word normal together shall we, NORMAL, one, two, three, NORMAL"

Repeat ad nauseum. If she questions you then a simple 'oh I am sorry, is this not helping the situation?' and smile sweetly.

There you go,posted before reading mrsturnips post - you won't even be lying!

I had exactly the same problem. In fact, my step mil made me feel so bad about it, i developed antinatal depression as a result. The worst was when my dd was 22 months and wasn't saying a great deal and some friends of step mils came to stay with their little girl who was 3 weeks older and was talking really well. This just gave my step mil another reason to dig at me.

Then when dd had her 2 year check, she still wasn't saying alot but understood everything you said to her. My HV said that she was fine, as long as she could understand what you were saying to her, it didn't matter that she wasn't really speaking yet.

As it turns out, my dd is now 2.5 and is speaking in sentences and i would say has turned out to be quite advanced in her talking. My theary is she was observing and thinking about it and then one day decided to just talk.

I know how bad pil can make you feel over this and i know when my ds reaches talking age, i won't take any notice when comments are made from annoying pil!

My ds was 3 before he spoke properly. Up until that time, he had the odd intelligible word, but spoke whole sentences in fluent serbo-croation!

We weren't worred, 'cos I (as a female) had been late to talk, so it wasn't suprising that he was late too.