How do I get mil to see that dd2 not really talking at 21 months is no major worry or concern?

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

I am fed up of her trying to 'teach' dd2 to talk. It's like the woman thinks I never bother speaking to my child.

Everytime I see her I get told that x's baby who is younger can talk in 3 word sentences now. And she knows my nephew can talk well and so and so down the street has said dd2 should be talking by now and we should take her to see some one.

I am not worried about dd2's speach at all. She does say a few words and can identify things if you are ask her and can complete small tasks such as "Go and pass me your boots dd2" or "Go and find the puppy"

Dd1 spoke v v early. You could converse with her by the time she was 18 months. She also walked early, where dd2 was quite late walking. But otoh dd2 is more independant and can already dress herself and is practically potty trained dd2 also fed herself v early and could drink from an open cup from about 8 months old with no problems.

All children develop at different rates, but when I try and explain this to mil, I get told "Yes but she should be talking by now"

I think Mil's problem is other proud grandma's comparing their dgc to dd2. If mil could just learn to focus on the things that dd2 can do that other children her age probably can't such as put her own shoes on the right feet, or operate a Nintendo DS she would feel much better. But she gets so hung up on what other babies are doing that dd2 can't do yet, that she can't see that.

She's not making me feel bad about it and I know that I am not responsible for her not talking yet. It's just annoying and repetative, and gets to Dh who believes every word that mil says and is starting to worry about dd2's talking.

She definately listens and can follow instruction and is capable of getting her point across without talking. I am sure when she is ready we won't be able to shut her up.

Salome, you could be onto something there. We don't see her as much as we should/could, so she probably does feel left out. She adores dogs so I may promote her to chief puppy walker after puppy has had her injections. She could walk to school with us and wait at the gates with the puppy while I take dd1 inside. That would be most helpfull to me and it would do her good to get out more often.

had same problem with my mum and dd - she nagged and nagged utnil I did eventually mention it to the hv - we got referred and saw a spech therapist who gave us a few pointers said there was no huge problem and discharged us.

told my mum we'd been discharged and her response was "see i told you there was nothing to worry about!" - she had really just been comparing dd to ds who was v quick off the mark...

BTW, getting a small child to repeat the correct way of saying anything (salt pot salt pot) - was on the blacklist from the therapist - just makes the child more self conscious and less willing to talk.

I did nothing but grunt at that age! (Still do...) Then started speaking in sentences, as did my elder sister. I am actually freaked at how young my children were when they talked.

The comparison thing is daft though - my nephew only started talking when he was past 2 years and at 6 is top of his class for reading (way better than children who talked before him).

She sounds lovely and very advanced in some ways (my nearly 3 year old DD still can't dress herself).

My ds is 8 and can't dress himself. But amazingly can dress himself when at his fathers. I've taken to throwing clothes at him in the hope they stick.

Aw, not that bad really, just likes to be babied a bit sometimes. Its hard being a grown up boy.

Could you give her a book with the normal ranges etc in it?

It's horrible of her to compare your dd with other children and make you feel bad.

Resident SALT here - it absolutely doesn't work at this age to get children to repeat words parrot fashion. Definitely tell them the names of everything around them, especially words useful to them (not sure about salt pot tbh!) but don't try to get them to repeat after you. Also not helpful to ask them "what's that?". Just tell them, and use the word in simple sentences.

My mum really believes you have to teach children to talk by telling them to say things. She helped pay for my SALT training but that doesn't seem to be enough evidence for her that I might know a bit about the subject. She loved "testing" my dc the whole time too - "what colour is that?", "what was the name of that dog we saw?", "what does the cow say?" etc etc. My dc got wise to it quickly and refused to answer as they knew she already knew the answer!

starlight

no some children do need to have the word repeated , if it works for you stick with it

I get this sometimes, though not from MIL, but from other 'well meaning' people.
DD is only just coming up to 16mo. She can say a few words and has started stringing a couple of words together, but DD seems to have made her own signs and words up for certain things. She can understand what is being said to her and just like your DD2, my DD can understand please pass me your shoes and basic sentences like that.

All DC develop at their own pace. I had to nudge my mum hard the other day when we were in town. We saw my old hairdresser who had her son a few days after I had DD. He is not yet walking but just because DD started walking early (8 months) my mum seems to think ALL DC should be walking that early.

Parents (especially mums) have enough to worry about re their DC we don't need this sort of talk from other people do we.

Oh and I have to point out that my brother was nearly 6 before he was talking in any semblance of understanding to other people. (He has hearing problems so couldn't hear people talking to him) We got round it as my bro and I made our own language up with signs etc.

It amazes me how different children can be. dd1 - 20 real words and 20 'almost' words at 18 months, also attempting 3 syllable words and putting 2 words together.
dd2 - No words at 18 months, not even Mummy / Daddy !

Ahhh, I wait in anticipation for dd2's first word.