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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Raising Boys

34 replies

chelseamorning · 12/03/2009 12:56

Okay, I'm probably going to regret this but then I'll never know unless I ask the question:

If you've read the book 'Raising Boys', did you find it useful?

The reason I'm asking is that a very good friend of mine - and her DH - who have two boys of their own and who have read the book, told me not to buy it and not to read it. I don't think it's because they felt it was crap, just that it might alter the way I raise my own DS, especially as my DP and I have made a conscious effort not to read many parenting books and just to go with our instincts.

However, now my friend has told me not to read the book, I'm really curious as to why!!!!!!

OP posts:

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Pruners · 12/03/2009 13:01

Message withdrawn

basementbear · 12/03/2009 13:02

I found it very interesting, coming from a family with lots of girls - one sister, four female cousins. When I had two boys I wasn't quite sure how to deal with them!! I can't imagine why your friend would advise you not to read it as I have only ever heard good things about it and the author. Having said all that, you are probably best to follow your own instincts anyway.

Pruners · 12/03/2009 13:07

Message withdrawn

Original poster

chelseamorning · 12/03/2009 13:08

Thanks!

From what you've said, Pruners, I think my friends suggested I didn't read it because they thought I would be putting DS into nursery, and probably didn't want me to feel bad about it.

I run a business from a home office and always thought I'd continue with it once I'd had a child. However, my time with DS is very precious (we only want one child) and so I've put the business to the side for the moment while I spend time with him.

So you think it's worth a read - to enhance my instincts?!

OP posts:

Original poster

chelseamorning · 12/03/2009 13:10

Actually, on the other hand, if the take home message is mainly not to put children/boys into nursery then I don't really see how much it can add to my parenting approach.

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 12/03/2009 13:14

I haven't read it but I think it is a mistake to read lots of childcare books. Go with your instincts and your DSs. You quickly learn what boys are like and what they like when you have them!

mloo · 12/03/2009 13:16

No, no, no.
imho, The main take-home msg is all about the importance of role models 4 boys.
Biddulph doesnt like nursery care 4 girls, either, but all that is side/little issues.
Role models & father-son (or surrogate) relationships r his big thing.

francagoestohollywood · 12/03/2009 13:16

I didn't read it, partly because of the fact that I don't read parenting books that much, partly because of his anti nursery stances. I'm from continental Europe and sending your children to nursery has never been that controversial here (apart from over protective italian mothers who are scared of "bugs" and viruses).

Pruners it is interesting what you say about 5/6 yrs old boys bonding with a male figure, as my ds (6 and a half) seems the opposite and at the moment favours my company.

wasabipeanut · 12/03/2009 13:17

It is an interesting book in some respects and certainly made me think about the way the educational system temds to favour girls.

Like others though the anti childcare statements put me off. I felt guilty enough already I didn't need that as well.

Also agree instincts are usually right.

Original poster

chelseamorning · 12/03/2009 13:23

Isn't it obvious that boys would want a role male model though?!

I have two parenting books which other people bought for me when I was pregnant. I can honestly say that I've never read them.

I'll stick to my instincts and take my cues from my son!

OP posts:

Original poster

chelseamorning · 12/03/2009 13:24

Or a male role model, even!

OP posts:

HolidaysQueen · 12/03/2009 13:27

I was given it by my SIL. I find the tone annoying - it keeps saying boys are different as if they are an ignored minority of say 5% of the population. Maybe we have been getting parenting wrong for years as a society, but I think we have been getting it wrong for girls too. So it annoyed me from the outset because of that.

The nursery thing is interesting and I do sort of buy into it a little. We went for a nanny, not really because of this book, but because I did have similar issues about my DS being in nursery at his age (11mo) and we fortunately could afford to. But that was a decision based mainly on his own physical and social capabilities, and I imagine that we might move him to nursery when we feel he is ready rather than just wait until 3 because a book told us to!

I found that it had some useful perspectives but as with all parenting books it is daft to treat it as gospel truth. Someone told me about Gina Ford: she doesn't even know your child exists, so how can she know what is right for your child. The same applies here.

hannahsaunt · 12/03/2009 13:46

My copy is in a charity shop somewhere - I think it stereotypes and creates some of the societal negative issues around boys and girls. Didn't like it at all.

piscesmoon · 12/03/2009 13:59

I think that we get it wrong for boys, but it is a fact of life that most nursery staff are female and it is the same in primary schools so a book pointing out that they need male role models isn't particularly helpful!

Rollmops · 12/03/2009 14:16

We have twin boys and I found this book brilliant. Full of common sense, humor and practical advice.

Oh, I picked up 'The Nicomachean Etchics' from a charity shop recently, surely somewhere a knucklehead groans - good riddance....[rolls eyes]

Before the screeching starts, the only point I'm making here is that often, one man's trash could well be another man's treasure.

mamatilly · 12/03/2009 15:35

i am really curious about why he says no to nursery under age 3?

and of course feeling rather guilty.. my 3yr old went one or two mornings a week to a small group (10 children) just for 2 yr olds, as a SAHM it gave me a few hours relief a week just to go for a coffee, go sit in nature, just to be quiet on my own. Have i damaged him for life?!!!

he is now 3 yrs 4mths and doing 4 sessions a week and seems to be fine...

mum2samandalex · 12/03/2009 18:17

I thought it was very interesting and definitely made sense. At the end of the day you take what you want from the book its your decison on how you use the information.As for it being in the charity shop well once youve read it youve read it iywim

noavailablename · 12/03/2009 18:23

I think it has a lot of good and useful insights. Remember, it was written several years ago.

As a mother of boys, I think that we are, as a society, failing boys pretty spectacularly. Look around - poor/underachievement, gangs, knife and gun crime - all very much down to lack of or poor role models.

I think Steve Biddulph has a point.

Look at all the rants and complaints on MN about the difficulties many men have in taking responsibility, parenting etc.

Just my POV.

southeastastra · 12/03/2009 18:38

it gave me hope for my unruly son. so good with me.

mum2samandalex · 12/03/2009 18:42

agree with noavailablename. It just gives an understanding into how boys work and their needs.

thirtypence · 12/03/2009 18:46

My main outtake was that he was a little misguided - he seemed to spend a lot of time talking about the importance of self esteem in preventing a child feeling like they were different. Which made sense.

Then I checked out his author photo. He got picked on because he had a terrible hairstyle.

My message to him is:

If you want your child to fit in don't give them a side parting held down with water - just don't okay.

breaghsmum · 12/03/2009 20:05

im glad this was posted as i bought this book a few weks ago and havent got round to reading it yet. with regards to nurseries, my son has been part time in a nursery since 5 months old, i needed to work and had no choice. however i have absolutely no guilt about that at all as he has experienced so much from the nursery that i at that point in my life wouldnt have been able to provide. he is well socialised, thrives in the routine of it and is meeting all his developmental goals for his age. he can spell small words and count to 20, i know this is a mixture of nursery and home teaching however, i would simply not be able to dedicate the time required to achieve this alone. so i wouldnt suggest anyone should feel guilty about nurseries if it feels right for them.

beansontoast · 12/03/2009 20:19

it is worth a read.use your instincts to cherry pick

i think he makes some good points and on the whole i personally have respect for alot of what he says(though in his 'happy children' book he talks about the 'shy child myth'..which as a parent of a shy ds i think is umm how do you say it..bollocks)

i only really skim read it at other peoples houses. i liked what he said about the rough stuff/play and boundaries and being into their dads at age five etc

and you cannot tell why a book has been given to charity

ClaudiaSchiffer · 12/03/2009 21:24

My friend with 3 boys really rated it. Also friends who have seen Steve Biddulph give a parenting talk thought he was great. However, I bought the Raising Girls book (have 2 dds), this wasn't written by Steve Biddulph but is in the same series, and I have NEVER read anything that SO states the bleeding obvious. Utter utter waste of money.

hannahsaunt · 12/03/2009 21:34

My nursery has lots of male nursery people - the small boys in particular love it - so mine are getting additional male role models in an extended community - SB can spend some time contemplating that one.

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