Raising Boys

[chelseamorning]

Okay, I'm probably going to regret this but then I'll never know unless I ask the question:

If you've read the book 'Raising Boys', did you find it useful?

The reason I'm asking is that a very good friend of mine - and her DH - who have two boys of their own and who have read the book, told me not to buy it and not to read it. I don't think it's because they felt it was crap, just that it might alter the way I raise my own DS, especially as my DP and I have made a conscious effort not to read many parenting books and just to go with our instincts.

However, now my friend has told me not to read the book, I'm really curious as to why!!!!!!

But for crying out loud, that was one of his main points, hannahsaunt, to make sure your son has a strong male role-model regardless of where that particular role model comes from!? Have you actually read the book or just making snide comments from hearsay?

Biddulph doesn't like nursery for boys because he reckons nursery doesn't meet the emotional needs well of any child -- and especially boys who don't mature as early as girls (aren't as resourceful about getting their emotional needs met).

I don't know why people go on about the nursery thing in Raising Boys, it's only mentioned briefly a handful of times. Whereas he talks again and again all about different facets of male-male relationships. And how men are in a unique position to teach boys how to be men. He says it's in the psychology of boys to need the pack leader to show them how to be responsible men. Dads teach their sons to respect the authority of their mothers, for instance, even when the boys get too big for mother to physically make the lad do anything.

For me all of that wasn't so obvious.
And maybe plenty of scary 5' tall women can impose their authority easily on their 6' tall teenage sons, but let's face it, for most of us, it's likely to be a challenge, especially if lacking any other adult's support.

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Biddulph is a trained psychologist, not a journalist. I've heard him speak on the radio about his relationship with his own father, he came across well.

He is a trained and very experienced psychologist. One of the things he says about boys looking for role models and male leadership made perfect sense to me - if boys don't find that positive role model in their lives they will find it in gangs, or in bad company. I have seen it so many times.

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Isn't his point that boys are different to girls and should be raised accordingly. IIRC one of his arguments is that increasingly child rearing has been feminized and boys need loud boisterous play, fighting, etc And that fathers are a IMPORTANT and a VERY GOOD THING. He is countering the increasingly prevalent view in society that men are a bit rubbish and women can do it better alone.

Which isn't a bad point.

I think another thing he's saying is that boys if raised in certain ways (without strong enough emotional bonds, or being taught "Boys don't cry") don't learn to deal with their emotions well. As a result they are more at risk of their emotions coming out in bad ways (like having an explosive temperment, not being able to deal with other people's feelings, other symptoms of unhappiness or antisocial behaviour). Even assuming they don't go off the rails, if boys don't learn to deal well with feelings, they are less likely to grow up to be emotionally fulfilled happy men.

He's very keen on fathers (or similar) modelling how men respond constructively and positively to their own feelings.

I read this a couple of years ago.

I don't remember the bit about the nurseries - probably ignored this bit as nursery worked for my DS.

However, I do remember the bit about a child at about 6 moving from his mom towards his dad and this was exactly true in my household - when he has about 6 1/2 DS suddenly became a little mini-man following all the things his dad did whereas before that he was very much mommy's boy.