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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

2 year check was horrible - help!

40 replies

fernie3 · 11/03/2009 11:41

my two year old had his two year check today (he is actually 28 months).
It went horribly he wasnt able to do a single one of the things she wanted him to, he has never been able to so i wasnt really surprised but still i had hoped there would be a few easier things for him to do. He didnt want to sit down (again not surprised) he ate her crayon and hit her in th eface with her little car and the end result was that she wrote in his little book " speech delayed, concentration poor" and then she added " happy boy as if she was just trying to think of somehting nice to say

she has also referred him to the hospital because she thinks he might possibly have a food allergy .

she is coming back in two months to redo the check and if he still wont do it then she said he needs "further assessment"

added to that my 4 week old decided to throw up all over her as son as she came in.

does anyone have any advice at all i feel very disappointed now because she was so negative about everything and I really dont see how in two months i can help him do the list of things she wants he is so far from that now - i know they develop quickly at this age but he would have to develop at light speed to make up the difference

sophie

OP posts:

waitingforgodot · 11/03/2009 11:54

you poor thing! We don't have a two year assessment here which is just as well. I think you would know if there were any serious issues so hard as it may be, I would just ignore her. Did she give you any tips to help your DS progress?

girlandboy · 11/03/2009 11:56

After a catalogue of worrying visits to the hv with my first dc, I didn't take my second for anything except injections.

It was a complete relief to trust my own instincts.

Original poster

fernie3 · 11/03/2009 11:58

thanks I havent taken him for a long time but the health visitor came recently because I had a new baby last month so she kind of slotted him in while she was weighing her.
the only suggestion she gave was to try and get him to sit down for a few minutes doing an activity which I do anyway so thats not much help
sophie

OP posts:

geordieminx · 11/03/2009 11:58

What sort of things were on her "list"....

Original poster

fernie3 · 11/03/2009 12:02

she wanted him to stack some blocks, point to some pictures in a book, she had a little set of people but i dont know what he was supposed to do with them because he jsut kept eating them and then she wanted him to draw on some paper finally there was a jigsaw one of the ones with the little pegs on the peices to pick them up with.
she was also trying to talk to him but obviosuly he cant speak that much yet so that was bit of a waste of time!
she asked loads of questions like can he go up and down stairs (which he can!) and how long he sleeps etc as well

sophie

OP posts:

SusieDerkins · 11/03/2009 12:05

It never fails to amaze me how HV (or anyone else) thinks they can get a 2 year old to "perform" for these assessments. Don't worry about it - you have a happy adventurous boy who doesn't like to sit still. Show me a 2 year old that does....

waitingforgodot · 11/03/2009 12:06

It's such an unnatural situation to be in- My ds would definitely not have played ball if made to do those things so don't worry about it.

girlandboy · 11/03/2009 12:09

FWIW my dd (now aged 13) was absolutely crap at jigsaws and still is. She just cannot seem to "get" them. There can be one piece left and she'll try and put it in upside down.

ALL CHILDREN ARE DIFFERENT.

And your's sounds fine.

Lizzylou · 11/03/2009 12:13

DS1 was the same at his 2 year check (again, done because DS2 was 8weeks, she did both at the same time). He has always been shy and uncomfortable, not wanting to "perform" for people.
He is fine now, at nearly 5.
He is only just getting the hang of jigsaws (DS2 has always been far better at them than DS1, which MIL kindly told them both, ).

He sounds like a lovely lively boy, unless you are worried about his development, then just keep doing what you're doing with him.

cyberseraphim · 11/03/2009 12:45

It is very hard when these assessments show up difficulties in your child's development. My DS1 failed his 2 year check too (at 22 months), I was not too worried at the time but looking back and comparing him to DS2, I now realise the check is a very basic one and if you do agree there is a delay in the areas being assessed, it might be that he does actually need more help than he is getting. The further assessment will be a way to getting this help.

SnowlightMcKenzie · 11/03/2009 12:51

Insist he gets a referal to a CDC for your peace of mind and because they are 100 times better at doing the tests and checks are very thorough and report very detailed.

It is not an exam, and your DS doesn't have to 'pass' it.

hth

electra · 11/03/2009 12:56

Poor you I don't think the HV tests are very effective.

A speech delay is not the same and not so much of a concern as a language delay. Are you concerned about him? Does he understand you / follow instructions etc? Does he point to show you things and what he wants? If so I wouldn't be worried about lack of expressive language at this stage...

My daughter has severe ASD yet somehow managed to pass the 2 year check because she could do puzzles So I think my general view is that health visitors unfortunately are not greatly skilled in seeing when a problem is really a problem.

igivein · 11/03/2009 13:00

My DS also refused to 'perform'. I actually asked if the kids ever do & the HV said it's rare! She said she always treated the two year check as a chance to have a proper chat with mums & find out if they had any concerns about their child's development, as the mums are the ones who know if everything's ok, but if they have any niggling worries they often don't raise them unless asked in a private one-to-one situation. This sounded eminently sensible to me.

littleducks · 11/03/2009 13:01

Dd would have passed that test easily a two, she would have done everything happily enjoying showing off and pleasing the hv, ds on the other hand is a law onto himself and shows little interest in people pleasing or performing for an audience

You say he eats the crayons, does he draw at all with anything? Could you find him some small coloured pencils or thosecrayola 'dont make mess only write on specific paper' pens so he could have a play at 'drawing' (just marking the paper is fine, dont expect pictures

Do you read to him? Does he like books at all?

cyberseraphim · 11/03/2009 13:08

I don't think HVs are particularly dim (although there are exceptions) but they are not allowed to diagnose any developmental condition (which is probably just as well). The two year check has been phased out in my area so I will never know how DS2 would have got on but he could do everything required at a much younger age - and he is not a 'wunderkind' . I do think it is appalling that the 2 year check has been phased out as this means parents lose a vital chance to have problems picked up. The problems might be very minor ones, we don't know but at least the check means children do get into the assessment process.

Original poster

fernie3 · 11/03/2009 13:10

hi thanks for your replies, I am a little worried sometimes in his development mainly the concentration on things and the fact he just doesnt listen at all not even basic things. BUT I am not OVERLY worried - after all he is two and he is a boy those two things together could explain these things in my view, his speech IS behind others his age but it has come on alot the last month or so so i have a feeling he will just catch up in the next few months.

He wont draw or colour he just wont sit down to do it, I read alot to him and his sister (his sister is 4 and totally different) but he tends not to sit and listen he will rather jump up and down on my back or try and snatch and throw the book.

he IS quite clever sometimes though and he is very affectionate to eveyone even the new baby

sophie

OP posts:

SnowlightMcKenzie · 11/03/2009 13:13

Mine didn't do anything right, in fact he didn't do anything.

He was at the other side of the room opening and closing a cupboard door and ignoring us both.

It wasn't even a HV, nut a nursery nurse that did the check.

ShrinkingViolet · 11/03/2009 13:14

DD1 refused to stsck the bricks at her 2 year check - instead she put them into a plastic fryign pan and pretended to cook them for the HV, then put them on a plate and handed it over to her. HV "failed" her as she couldn't tick off the "stack bricks" .
If you're at all concerned about anything though, getting a further referral to someone who is better able to assess these things wouldn't harm.

electra · 11/03/2009 13:17

Does he understand an instruction like 'Go and get your shoes?'

VinoEsmeralda · 11/03/2009 13:17

My Ds was the same and he is a much calmer 5 year old now. Re speech delay, it might be worth checking his hearing as if he cant hear properly he is getting bored and thats might come across as not been able to concentrate. My DS had a HV(she is very good but those are rare) who luckily referred him and she was right and he had grommits fitted over a year ago and that completely changed him (for the better)

waitingforgodot · 11/03/2009 13:17

my ds can't sit still for any length of time either. Too busy jumping, running and generally being a boy!

TotalChaos · 11/03/2009 13:26

agree completely with cyber. try not to see it as some unreasonable list of things the HV wants - but skills your DS needs to learn, it's not your fault if he is struggling to do them at this age, or indeed in 2 months time, but he may need some input from someone more expert than HV. what sort of toys/activities does he enjoy? just thinking that doing fun stuff should help encourage him to concentrate a bit more.

cyberseraphim · 11/03/2009 13:33

SHrinkingViolet's point is a good one - a lot depends on how the child fails the test. The son of a playgroup friend failed the 2 year test but his behaviour was normal in the way he failed it. He said things like 'I don't want to colour in, I want to go back to the park'. Whereas DS1 just blanked the situation - and actually he could point to objects in books and build towers at that age but only to his own agenda. I agree parents will able to fill in the fuller picture about the test is a 'one off' or an indication of more pervasive problems. This is not directed at the OP but I'm just trying to say that sometimes, failing a test is a good thing as it gets the child additional help.

wishingchair · 11/03/2009 13:49

Very good point about the hearing vino. A friend's DD had undetected hearing problems and it was causing problems with her concentration, social skills etc. It was like she over-compensated by being really full-on all of the time. Since having the grommits, she's calmed down no end.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 11/03/2009 14:04

I think your hv has been quite understanding really, she said she'll come back in 2 months and see how he does next time... Rather than involving a load of people he may not need

DD1 did the check with the nursery nurse and altough she was doing really well in some areas she wasn't so great in others, Fine motor/ brick stacking being 1. However I took this on board and kept an eye her, (the nn recommended a small tub of buttons to sort) and played a bit more with her on those types of activities. She at preschool now and is doing great (although now needs a bit more help with scissors

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