2 year check was horrible - help!

[fernie3]

my two year old had his two year check today (he is actually 28 months).
It went horribly he wasnt able to do a single one of the things she wanted him to, he has never been able to so i wasnt really surprised but still i had hoped there would be a few easier things for him to do. He didnt want to sit down (again not surprised) he ate her crayon and hit her in th eface with her little car and the end result was that she wrote in his little book " speech delayed, concentration poor" and then she added " happy boy as if she was just trying to think of somehting nice to say

she has also referred him to the hospital because she thinks he might possibly have a food allergy .

she is coming back in two months to redo the check and if he still wont do it then she said he needs "further assessment"

added to that my 4 week old decided to throw up all over her as son as she came in.

does anyone have any advice at all i feel very disappointed now because she was so negative about everything and I really dont see how in two months i can help him do the list of things she wants he is so far from that now - i know they develop quickly at this age but he would have to develop at light speed to make up the difference

sophie

DS didn't get a tick for

'pretending to hoover or sweep up'

But how could he when he has never in his entire life seen me do either!

It doesn't mean he can't.

Haven't read whole thread but...

Sophie - try not to worry too much. My DS has just turned 3 and when he was your DS's age, he would not have passed the check. I ticked a box on a form when DS was 2 saying that I didn't need to have the 2 year check (it is totally optional here). I knew he would "fail" but I was not actually worried about him - children develop at different rates, boys especially can be slower. My DS did these things in his own time.

I also had a DD when DS was 2.0 and the HV did look at DS when she was here for DD and she also looked at DS when DD had her 9 month check. I have basically said to the HV that DS is now going to a school nursery next term and I will ask them if anything extra is needed for him. I don't think it will be, but at least they will be seeing him a lot and will be able to make a better judgement than just sitting a one off "test" for the HV. If your little boy is happy and progressing, I wouldn't personally worry.

I got quite incensed with the HV who pointed out that dd's walking wasn't normal for a 2yo. I felt I knew my dd best and that all children develop at different rates.

Sadly, dd is now disabled- and her life would have been much easier if we had accessed help earlier.

Hopefully your ds is doing fine and won't need any help. But if he ever does- don't be afraid of asking. I spent too long pretending that things were fine.

Sorry, not read all the posts, but wondered why she thinks he has a food allergy ?

Ok, I'm going to stick my neck out here!

It's all very well everyone saying, 'don't worry, HVs talk nonsense, these tests mean nothing etc'
However, these tests are simply to pick up if a child would benefit from further investigation. If there is something wrong (and I'm in no way suggesting there is) then the earlier it is picked up the better. She hasn't jumped to conclusions or referred himjust yet. She's waiting another 2mths to get a clearer picture and to give you a bit of breathing space as you have a newborn.

How is his non verbal communication?
-Does he point? Wave? Clap?
-Does he immitate you? So if you bang two blocks together will he copy you?
-Does he understand simple instructions like 'where are your shoes?'
-Does he reach out for things he wants or to be picked up?
-Does he answer to his name? (If not def get his hearing checked first)

The walking up stairs question was probably trying to work out whether he is showing signs of dyspraxia. Perhaps she was concerned about this due to poor!?! fine motor skills (the drawing) and his lack of speech.

IMVHO, most 2yr 4mths olds can stack bricks, have at least a few words and can scribble. That's not to say they all perform for the HV. If you know he can do these things then try not to worry. However, if you share her worries about his development then give her a call and let her support you.

Great post myredcardigan.

I just think it's all too easy to do a bit o HV bashing and say 'oh they all do everything at their own pace!'
Whilst that is absolutely the truth, there is no harm or shame in accepting support and talking through any concerns.

Fernie3, try not to feel upset and disappointed. You have a 4wk old so I'm sure you must still be very emotional and hormonal. Look upon the return visit as a positive. You'll be in a better frame of mind and hopefully have a clearer picture of his development and whether he has progressed. If he's come on leaps and bounds, great. If not so much then use her, that's what she's there for.

Good luck and congratulations on the birth.

you put it better than me, but that was what I meant, myredcardigan; sometimes (as in my case) the HV is right; mother's instinct is not infallible- at least mine wasn't

hi thanks for all your replies, my son is behind in some areas I do admit that and when she comes back in two months I will certainly take any extra help if she thinks he needs it.
of all the activities she tried the only one i would be confident he could do is stack the blocks because I have seen him stack a pile of cans out of my food cupboard lol the others i dont think he could do.

About the food allergy it is because he has a very wheezy chest, gets skin irritation and has toilet troubles (has runny poos about 4 times a day) I have been nagging about this for about a year so its nice that something is finally getting done!
sophie

Hmmm, what's a realistic goal for you here? With a four-week old baby, I suspect it may be unrealistic for you to do anything more than make close observations at the moment. After all, 6-8 weeks is the very hardest time for many new mums.

I would suggest a bit of maternal record-keeping to get a sense of rates of progress. This will give you something really useful to show the HV when she returns in 2 months. Record all the positives and all the changes plus any areas that concern you. Speech for instance would typically be changing month by month at this age (not for my boys but that's another story)

Agree it's hopeless to expect your DS to "perform" now or in two months' time. That is not a realistic goal.

Also agree that your HV sounds quite reasonable in her approach.

Just agreeing with some of the other mums here: my DS's 2 year check was very much like yours. It could be that it means nothing, or it could be that it means something, and then the sooner you know, the sooner you can do something about it. I went through a phase of resenting the HV, but retrospectively, I'm glad she decided to give DS a referral, rather than just dismissing the whole thing as toddler behaviour. The price one has to pay is the worry until you know one way or the other, but it's par for the course with children, isn't it (unfortunately)

again thanks for your replies, I spoke to his nursery teacher today (he goes two mornings a week) and she told me that they also had some concerns about him saying that he doesnt play with the toys he just picks on eup puts in down moves on to the next one and that he doesnt draw or take part in group activites like that. She also said that he has already been put with a one to one worker to help him learn some of the things they would like him to do and also because he is always trying to escape and has figured out how to open all the doors and stairgates. I feel a little disappointed with this because I was hoping she would say he is fine there but she didnt.
She also said some very nice things about how wonderfully friendly and affectionate he is and how if a child falls over he will comfort them, which was nice because its nice to hear at leats in one area he is doing well!

sophie

cory, just wondering what is wrong with your dd? I ask because my 20 month dd isn't walking and has never crawled, doesn't cruise, and if she falls over finds acts really rigid! not good at moving herself about - can roll but tends not to - often 'gets stuck' doing so if you know what I mean, sorry to hijack the post fernie3

"She also said some very nice things about how wonderfully friendly and affectionate he is and how if a child falls over he will comfort them, which was nice because its nice to hear at leats in one area he is doing well!"

And what a hugely important area that is too. Sounds as though he's quite advanced in terms of empathy there.

Good luck. It may take a little while to figure out what help he needs but you sound up to the challenge.

becka, my dd has something known as joint hypermobility syndrome, which basically means that the ligament that should be nice and firm and hold her joints together are floppy so her joints bend in any which way. Not as bad as things were, she has had a lot of physio and OT and is now out of the wheelchair most of the time. But it's been a long haul.

fernie, good to hear that the nursery teacher is on the ball- and that she doesn't just notice the problems. Your ds sounds lovely.