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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD (5) covered DD (3mths) head with blankets last night.....................................

30 replies

Flumpybumpy · 19/02/2009 08:37

DH was at home last night with the kids DD (5), DS (2) and DD (3mths). Ds was in bed and both DD's in the sitting room DD (3mths) in her bouncy chair and DD (5) watching TV. DH went in to check they were okay (he was cooking dinner inthe kitchen, I was at the gym) and DD (5) had covered baby DD's head with blanket and she was kicking a struggling in her chair.

DH shouted at DD and told her it ws dangerous etc.... and she just laughed!!!!

DH told me when I came home, I spoke to DD and toldher that she wasn't allowed to help me with baby DD until I felt I could trust her again. Again she just laughed.

She has been so good with baby DD up until now and always want to help change her nappy or feed her. She talks to her and sings to her when she cries and helps to settle her down. I hve no idea where this has come from. They share a room and now I am petrified that DD will do something to baby DD in her cot whilst we are not in there. She has also started hitting and screaming at DS whn he has done nothing wrong.

Where has all this come from all of a sudden, I don't understand.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

deaconblue · 19/02/2009 09:21

I doubt she had any idea that it was dangerous when she did it. Perhaps dd2 would be safer in her bouncy chair wherever you or dh are, that's what we did with our dd until recently (she's now crawling so we figure she can escape unwanted attention a bit easier)
Seems a bit unfair for her to share a room with a tiny baby though, doesn't her sleep get disturbed when dd2 is up in the night? that might be why she's feeling grumpy and unhelpful generally. Or you are just getting a natural backlash against a new sibling (ds was horrible for a good few months after dd was born)and the novelty has worn off and the idea of helping with nappies, feeds etc just feels like a chore rather than fun to her.

Original poster

Flumpybumpy · 19/02/2009 09:25

Baby DD sleeps through so doesn't disturb DD. We only moved baby DD into the room once she was sleeping through consistently.

We never any sibling upset when DS was born so are a bit unprepared for this. Hopefully thats all it is and it will wear off.

Baby DD has to share with DD as we only have a 3 bedroom house and she was being disturbed when sleeping in our room as DH gets up early for work and we go to bed late.

OP posts:

bamboostalks · 19/02/2009 09:26

You have got to be so careful when you leave a small child alone with a baby, you should not do it. They have no judgement yet. My friend's dd tipped her sister out of her moses basket and she fractured her skull. She was in intensive care. I'm not trying to scare you but I don't think they should be alone together until you have resolved this.

GrapefruitMoon · 19/02/2009 09:29

It's probably delayed jealousy - it often doesn't manifest until the baby is a few months old (ime).

I would agree with shoppingbags about keeping the baby with you at all times until it blows over. Even if there is no jealousy, a five yr old being "helpful" may endanger a baby (I once found dd (4) carrying her newborn brother towards me on the landing - I had gone to run the bath for him and she decided to be helpful and bring him in to me!)

Is there a reason why the baby is not still in your room (given that the cotdeath guidelines say 6 months)? - not meaning to be nasty about it, just interested...

deaconblue · 19/02/2009 09:30

I have to say I agree with bamboostalks, a 5 year old doesn't have enough understanding of what might be dangerous to a baby. I would put baby back in your room personally and accept she may wake up when your dh wakes up. btw, congrats on having a 3 month old who sleeps through - mine are 2.9 and 9 months and one or the other is up every night at some point!

Original poster

Flumpybumpy · 19/02/2009 09:31

We have told DD that she is not allowed to 'help' with baby Dd until we feel we can trust her again. She is picking on DS as well at the moment so I don't think it is just aimed at the baby.

Maybe it's jus half-term frustration, I hope so.

OP posts:

Upwind · 19/02/2009 09:31

why doesn't your DS share eith your DD1?

deaconblue · 19/02/2009 09:33

jsut because you've told her not to help doesn't mean she won't try to. Ds is not meant to pick up dd but if I leave them alone he sometimes tries to, hence I don't leave them alone. (she's too heavy now so he doesn't attempt it anymore)

GrapefruitMoon · 19/02/2009 09:35

Just saw your latest post about disturbing the baby when your dh gets up - in that case have yuo a baby monitor in the dds room?

Original poster

Flumpybumpy · 19/02/2009 09:37

Grapefruit, baby DD is actally the one who stayed in our room the longest.

DD number 1, went into her own room when she was 5 days old as she hated the moses and loved streching out in the cot. I got so much flack from the HV for doing that but it worked well for us and she slept through at 8 weeks.

DS went into his room straight fro hospital and slept through at 7 weeks. Again he liked sprawling out in the cot.

DD number 2 stayed in the moses with us until she was 7 weeks (she slept through at 6) and again loves the cot.

I get comments and questions about putting them in theor own rooms all the time especially from HV's etc.... this is what works for us and we are happy with our decision. Not everyone does everything according to the guidelines (you only have to read a weaning thread to see that). They are just that, guidelines, not commandments set in stone.

OP posts:

Original poster

Flumpybumpy · 19/02/2009 09:39

Grapefruit, X posts, sorry.

yes we do have a monitor and have done with all three, its one of those digital ones that picks up a gnats fart.

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Lulumama · 19/02/2009 09:40

make sure the only blankets you have are cellular ones with the little holes in

5 year olds don;t have the nous and common sense and foresight that adults do.

she would not have known it was dangerous

YeahBut · 19/02/2009 09:40

I would reconsider leaving the baby in a room with an elder sibling that's behaving like this. No doubt it's a temporary thing, but better safe than sorry.

mankyscotslass · 19/02/2009 09:41

Would agree that just telling your dd not to do it dosen't mean she won't.
I think for the babies safety and everyones happiness you need to look again at the sleeping arrangements. They may have worked before, but things change.

GrapefruitMoon · 19/02/2009 09:41

I did say i was just asking! (Obv touched a raw nerve )

You are so lucky yours all slept through so early...

Original poster

Flumpybumpy · 19/02/2009 09:43

Lulu, they were those blankets with the holes in. I didn't know they were called cellular, you learn something new everyday, especially on MN.

DH said she had been on her own with baby for a few minutes as he kept popping his head round the door.

I just understand why she has suddendly changed from being so loving and helpful to being so naughty.

OP posts:

LurkerOfTheUniverse · 19/02/2009 09:43

I dropped my baby sister on her head when I was 5, being 'helpful'

didn't give her any long lasting effects though

Original poster

Flumpybumpy · 19/02/2009 09:45

Sorry Grapefruit, I didn't mean to sound stroppy. Its hard to express yourself in the correct way in words alone.

I wasn't having a go, I just get asked that all the time and get a bit fed-up feeling I have justify my decision.

Apologies for sounding grumpy

OP posts:

Hulababy · 19/02/2009 09:51

Sounds like it might be a bit of delayed jealousy. Mayvbe DD1 is feeling a little confused as to her position now that another baby, esp a girl, is on the scene.

Does your DD1 have much one to one time with you and/or DH?

Original poster

Flumpybumpy · 19/02/2009 09:55

Hula, yes she does, more than the others in fact. DS goes to bed at 6 and baby DD at 5:30pm. DD doesn't go up until 7:30pm so she sits and reads hr school books with DH and then they have story which he reads and she sits and with us and chats about her day until bedtime.

OP posts:

belgo · 19/02/2009 09:58

Flumpybumpy - I have three children of very similar age to yours. Given half a chance, my dd1(nearly five), will cover ds (4 months) with blankets, towels, sheets etc. I would say this is perfectly normal behaviour, and my dd1 will also laugh when I tell her how dangerous it is. She adores ds, and is a very loving child, she just doens't realise what she is doing and does not have much concept of danger. She thinks she's playing 'peekaboo' with the baby, and thinks it's fun to see his legs kicking.

You literally have to have eyes at the back of your head, and never leave the baby alone with other children.

GrapefruitMoon · 19/02/2009 10:00

I remember that a friend's ds (4) used to literally try to get into the bouncy chair with the baby - supposedly to give her a cuddle but it was very definitely attention-seeking behaviour!

belgo · 19/02/2009 10:03

My children climb into ds's bouncy chair and cot all the time, I constantly have to stop them. My my dc's case, it's just mischievious behaviour. Gives me grey hairs though.

Upwind · 19/02/2009 10:05

just give your baby her own room and get your DD1 and DS to share

mankyscotslass · 19/02/2009 10:06

Solution may be to have your DD1 and DS share for the time being.

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