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Behaviour/development

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Could there be something wrong? 6yo ds3 in trouble at school.

64 replies

andlipsticktoo · 11/02/2009 17:45

Not sure where to start.
Ds3 in year 1 getting into regular trouble at school. I am very new to this as ds1 and ds2 have been 'model pupils' and now with ds3 (4 yrs younger) having to speak to his teacher daily.
He is doing things like; writing 'poo' in his book to make the other children in his group laugh. Then when he is reprimanded, saying 'we don't listen to teachers, they smell' - this happened today .
Not sitting still, rolling around on the floor, putting things in his mouth, being very fidgety.
Getting very angry and shouting when accused by others. Has pushed/hit other children during angry outbursts.
Refusing to do/finish work.
He is academically very bright and extremely able, but his behaviour is really worrying me.
Could there be something wrong, or is he just naughty?

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neversaydie · 13/02/2009 15:56

This is quite long - sorry.

We had something similar with our little boy in the autumn term of P1 (we're in Scotland). At this point he was at a small independent school close to my work. He moved up from the school's own nursery the month of his 5th birthday (August baby) with no doubts raised about his readiness for real school. The original P1 teacher lasted less than a month, and went on long-term sick leave. Two supply teachers over the next 6 weeks, then a long term supply was found.

All through this, his reading was coming on in leaps and bounds, as was his maths. Homework however was a nightmare; it was daily Jolly Phonics worksheets which involved writing letters and colouring in a picture.

But all through this his behaviour at home was getting worse and worse and we were getting more and more concerned about him. But there were no issues raised by the school - his first terms report, in early November was fine. I dropped him off in the classroom every morning and my husband picked him up every night - no issues raised.

Two weeks after the report, we had a parents evening at which we were told that his writing and concentration were appalling and they were seriously worried about his behaviour. Even told me his table manners were dreadful (he was 5!). Oh, and he was hopeless at PE. We were summoned in to the school twice more that term to discuss his poor behaviour.

Turns out, he has very mild dispraxia - atypical because his speech and vocabulary are well ahead of his age. His teacher simply could not grasp that a child of 5 could be confidently polysyllabic verbally and barely able to hold a pencil - so she assumed he was being difficult. I spent the next 2 years trying to keep the same bloody woman off his back. We eventually moved him after 2 years to a middle of the road local state school, who identified the problem. Of course, because he is bright, no help has been forthcoming because he is 'coping'. By this time spelling is also a major struggle.

So in the autumn we are moving him again, to another independent school, which has a stellar reputation for bringing round children whose early experience of school has been poor, and for getting the best out of boys. We were completely open with the head, our son has had an assortment of tests and they seem quite prepared to cope and confident that they can help.

My Dad had similar problems as a child (probably more severe) and thrived once out of the school environment. My husband also hated primary school - and thrived once he made it into the higher levels of secondary school. I had similar physical problems, but being female and very academic, managed to cope (except for Art and PE, anyhow)

Anyway, to get to the point, finally, if your son is suddenly behaving in a way that is completely out of character, try and find out if he is being expected to do things that he is simply not yet ready for. And if that is what is happening, do what you have to to get the teacher to back off unless she is coming up with specific ploys to help him.

And a more general point - why have we allowed our schools to get to a point that so many little boys have an absolutely miserable time at an age where it really doesn't matter what they do so long as they are learning something. If I had the time again, I would have kept my son in nursery for another year - and found another school much sooner.

andlipsticktoo · 13/02/2009 16:53

neversaydie I agree that many teachers who don't have children themselves can find little boys naughty when perhaps they are being just 'active and spirited'.

ds has great pencil control and beautifully formed letters so I don't think it is dyspraxia, he is also physically very well advanced.

I have just collected him from school and he has had a great day. It was however a treat day that they had earned as a class by being well behaved.
They were allowed to bring in a toy from home to play with for the afternoon. So with this enormous carrot ds was a star all morning!

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andlipsticktoo · 13/02/2009 16:56

Obviously this wont happen everyday, so I am trying not to get too excited about the fact that he haad no 'warnings'.

Thank goodness it's half term now.

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neversaydie · 13/02/2009 18:05

I'm sorry - I didn't mean that I thought he dyspraxia or anything else. Just that more might be being expected of him than he can really cope with, at least all the time. We expect an awful lot of our little boys at this stage, and it comes as a horrible shock to some of them.

It was the mismatch in perceptions of his behaviour that rang bells and it is worth keeping on top of that at this stage.

I'm really glad he had a better day today.

andlipsticktoo · 13/02/2009 19:06

Thanks neversaydie.

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Vulgar · 13/02/2009 20:06

andlipsticktoo -two more of your comments about your Ds are so similiar to my son.

"Plays beautifully with older children, mostly older girls.
He's not a genius or anything, just in top 10% of his class."

This is soooo like my ds -he loves hanging out with older girls. If he has a friend with older sisters he is desperate to be with them. He has been like this since he was a toddler. i am expecting the teenage years to be, er . . .interesting

"I think he can actually be immature for his age though."

YES! - i think this about my Ds although in speech and motor skills he has always been fairly advanced he is quite an innocent in some ways.

Like you- i think about his "quirks" and worry that he is going to find life difficult. I made an offhand comment to his teacher saying "I hope he has an understanding boss when he grows up" and the teacher replied "Oh, he won't have a boss . . he will be his own boss" which I took as a positive. His teacher is very supportive and a MAN which I think has really helped but I know the teacher has a hard time with my Ds some days!

mouseling · 13/02/2009 21:48

My DS1 has been at home today as our school had a inset day. He has been relaxed and happy in a way that I haven't seen the xmas holidays. Only a couple of days ago I was convinced by reports of his behaviour at school that we needed a 'diagnosis' for him.

Now I am back to thinking it must be the school environment which is bringing out the worst in him. Another square peg in a round hole. It will be very hard to take him back after half-term.

andlipsticktoo · 13/02/2009 22:05

I know mouseling, I'm with you on that!
I'm just going to enjoy half term now, and try not to think about him going back to school..well for a few days anyway.

I feel quite confident that he'll grow up to be a fantastic adult as he has so many great qualities that I can see in him when he's not at school, I just don't want his entire school life to be a battleground.

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mouseling · 14/02/2009 13:12

andlipsticktoo, would be good to catch up with you again after half-term and we can compare notes. Enjoy your week

andlipsticktoo · 15/02/2009 13:26

You too
Will update next Tuesday.

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andlipsticktoo · 25/02/2009 08:53

Yoo hoo mouseling and Vulgar!

Hope you had ovely half term breaks.
We all had a lovely calm, relaxed hols. Ds3 was fab and it really made me think it is something to do with school that is the problem. I was dreading sending him back and fleetingly considered home ed. (really only fleetingly).
However he has been back for 2 whole days now and all is calm. He is working well and seems settled. Phew!
Am just holding my breath!
How are your dss?

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andlipsticktoo · 25/02/2009 16:15

Spoke to hhis teacher again today and although he is working well and behaving well he is still very fidgety.
She takes her eyes off him for a second and he's rolling around on the floor, but if she asks him a question he can always answer it, so is clearly listening!

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mouseling · 01/03/2009 10:09

Hi lipsticktoo

Was thinking about you last week. Very glad to hear you had a good half term. We did too. DS1 and I managed a day out together just the two of us which was fab.

One week off went very quickly tho and I felt like school was still 'hanging over us'. Every day DS1 said he didn't want to go back.

First couple of days back seemed ok but now feeling very disheartened again tho more with school than with DS1. Don't know how to do a link but you could look for my thread started last week if you want the latest installment!

edam · 01/03/2009 10:15

There are lots of bright children who don't get into trouble at school. I wonder what the difference is between them and the children who are seen by teachers as naughty. If anyone knows, it would be very helpful!

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