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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD keeps getting up at the crack of dawn every morning- it's wearing me down

47 replies

the3ofus · 09/02/2009 08:50

My dd is 3 and a half and about 6 months ago started waking up at around 4.30/5 each morning. It has got to the point where it is now wearing me and DH down. We have tried everything, putting her back to bed, explaining that she shouldn't get out of bed until the hands on the clock show 7, we've tried wearing her out during the day until she's exhausted and even put her to bed a bit later (she goes at 7.15 normally) but none of this works. We've been encouraging her to stay in her room and play with her toys if she cannot go back to sleep but her preferred method of getting up is to come into our room and scream at the top of her voice until one of us reluctantly gets out of bed and has to stay up with her until we go exhaustedly to work. It's not so bad when it's one of my non working days (I work Part-time) but when it's a day I have to go to work I feel bone tired. There's no chance to catch up on sleep at the weekend either because she's up at the same sort of time...

Does anyone have any idea how we can break out of this cycle? I had thought by this age children generally could sleep in til 6.30/7? Or maybe I'm just being unrealistic. Part of the reason DH and I have decided not to have any more children is because we can't cope with the lack of sleep. Apart from lack of sleep it makes the days longer too. DD and I have been up for almost 5 hours and already she is bored and I've run out of things to do with her, it's not even 9 a.m....

OP posts:

Maveta · 09/02/2009 09:03

Ds is 22months and still wakes really early. We had a short run of 6.30am which was bliss but in the last week he's gone back to 4/5am wake up. We refuse to get out of bed before 5.30am so before that we just bring him in with us. If we really have to get up at 5.30 we all get up, have cereal, feed cats etc etc and then dh and I take turns to go back to bed for 30-45mins. Is the only thing that keeps us sane.

We have tried similar things to you re. less naps, later bedtime, knackering them out. Nothing works. I would go for damage limitation and try and take turns catching up on sleep. It's awful.

BonsoirAnna · 09/02/2009 09:05

She goes to bed terribly early. My DD (4.2) sleeps until 8 am, but she doesn't go to bed before 9.30 pm.

VictorianSqualor · 09/02/2009 09:07

7.15 is not early

Original poster

the3ofus · 09/02/2009 09:09

DD is tired out by 7 and asks us if she can go to bed because she is tired. Having spoken to other parents who have children of similar ages, 7/7.30 seems to be the right time. Their children normally sleep through from 7-7. I would find it difficult if she didn't go to bed til 9.30 BonsoirAnna it would mean DH and I would get to spend no time together/have any sort of evening to ourselves. I have friends who have a 7 year old and 9 year old and they go to bed at 8! 9.30 does seem quite late.

OP posts:

southeastastra · 09/02/2009 09:10

omg the thought of putting a 4 year old to bed at 9.30

my ds(7) used to get up really early now he gets up at about 6.

she's obviously a morning person sorry no help am i

BonsoirAnna · 09/02/2009 09:10

Oh it is - you really cannot expect a 3.6 year old to sleep for 12 hours a night as a matter of course. 12 hours is the absolute maximum amount of sleep a child that age needs.

WowOoo · 09/02/2009 09:11

Have you tried putting her to bed later?

This is the only thing that works for us. Some days, DS still wakes up early, but early these days is 6, which I can cope with.

I hate putting him to bed later as it eats into our evening, but we were losing our sanity.

Hope you work something out.
My niece does the same as yours but is a little older. She's basically not allowed out of her room until it's 6:30/7. If she wakes she has to play quietly.
Good luck.

BonsoirAnna · 09/02/2009 09:12

I know my daughter doesn't need much sleep. Anything between 9 and 12 hours a night is quite normal for 3/4 year olds. Some children just don't need much sleep.

On the very rare occasions my DD has gone to sleep at 7 am, she has been up and bouncing at 5 am. Grrrrrrrrr.

GooseyLoosey · 09/02/2009 09:19

My dcs (4 and 5) go to bed at 7.30 and are not allowed into our room or to make a lot of noise before 7.00. Much of the week I get up before 5.00am to get into work so I really do need the sleep the rest of the week and the children have been told that if mummy does not get enough sleep she tends to be grumpy!

Mine do play in their own rooms (ds reads dd stories) if they wake up early and they do have clocks so they know what time it is. Seems you have tried all of this though.

What reaction does she get when she comes into you? Is it welcoming or have you tried saying "Its not time for mummy to get up yet - go back to your room and wait until your clock says "6.30"".

Original poster

the3ofus · 09/02/2009 09:25

GooseyLoosey- dd normally comes into our room and stands by the bed screaming. We've tried ignoring this but it never works, I think she would just scream for hours. When I take her back to her room I explain to her that it's to early to get up, it's still very dark outside and I will come and get her when it's time to get up. None of this works, after I've put her back to bed she's back in my room screaming again almost immediately... DH has suggested putting a lock on our door as this seems the only way to stop her coming in, but I'm not comfortable with this and I think she would just scream outside our door for hours instead..

OP posts:

nailpolish · 09/02/2009 09:27

my dds aged 6 and 4 go to bed at 7pm. they are so tired they actually ask to go to bed sometimes
they get up at 7am

so i dont think 715 is early either

i dont think i would like my chiildren to stay up til 930pm, i like my evenings with my husband just the 2 of us!

but saying that when my dds were around 3 yrs old they went through a phase of getting up at 5am, i did all those things you have tried the3ofus, nothing worked and they just grew out of it. it lasted about 6 months

what i used to do was go downstairs with her, get her something to eat, put a dvd on (i must have watched finding nemo a thousand times) and i would nap on the couch and she would watch the dvd etc

what about letting her come in beside you? do you thnk she would fall back to sleep in your bed cuddling beside you?

nailpolish · 09/02/2009 09:29

dont put a lock on your door
it wont solve anything - she wil just bang on the door and i would be worried about fire etc

waht if she really needed you one night and couldnt get in?

nannyL · 09/02/2009 09:30

is her room very very dark? ie not nightlight?

tbh at this time of year i guess it must be but just checking it is PITCH BLACK... with balck out blind and black out curtains

you could always do what my ex MB did and had a tiny dull night light on TIMER (on of those plug in ones) even the night light doesnt come on until 6am....

then just tell her it is NOT morning until the light comes on...

(you could start with 5.30 / 5.45 / 6.00 etc)

tthen just keep putting her back to bed and not allow her into your room

she may protests for a few times (she almost ccartainly will) but so long as you stay form and refuse to acknowledge her until her llight comes on she will soon get the message

being a very dull night light if she fast asleep it shouldnt actually wake her up either.

if she is in a pitch black room where she cant see anything, she is likely to go back to sleep

this means that you cant have a hall light on either ofcourse

also can she get out of a stairgate? you could put a stairgate across her door so she ccant get out.... even one of those extra tall dog stairgates if necessary

Original poster

the3ofus · 09/02/2009 09:31

Nailpolish- yes I forgot to mention that when we've been desperate ie dog tired we've put her in bed with us (this morning infact!) but she can't/wont sleep and just fidgets. It's like she is full of energy and just wants to start the day at 4.30 a.m... She doesn't even have a nap during the day so I don't know where all the energy comes from. I think I'm feeling worse about it all at the moment as I have a bad eye infection which I can't shake off, and just want to rest my poor sore eyes.

OP posts:

nailpolish · 09/02/2009 09:33

i dont agree a stairgate is a good idea - waht about fire? a fire could start in her room. and its hardly going to solve the problem - she would just bang the gate and scream i prsume

but i agree the nightlight on a timer is good idea - my dh thought of this and we put it forward ten mins every few days and it helped pretty well

dd's used to come into our room and announce "my light is on!" - we guessed they had been lying in bed awake til the light came on

nailpolish · 09/02/2009 09:35

try the night light on a timer

but dont be too hasty to put it forward too quickly

the only other thing i can suggest is going downstairs and you try to catch some kip on the couch while she watches telly or a dvd

i totally remember what this stage was like - it does get better honest - you have my sympathies

fishie · 09/02/2009 09:35

ds has never needed 12 hours sleep, i think children differ quite widely on this. moved bedtime from 7 to 8pm a couple of weeks ago and he is now asleep till 6 or 6.30.

notyummy · 09/02/2009 09:40

Nightmare! You have my sympathies, as dd did this for a while when she was younger, however now (at 2.5) is better.

Does she have a bunny alarm clock or something like that? Works very well for dd at the mo. I have a certain amount of sympathy with your husbands suggestion, although obviously you will have to go with an option that works for you. At 3.5 I think I would thinking of playing hard ball, and not putting up with being screamed at (even if that meant being screamed at for a LONNNNGGG time for a couple of mornings. Have you tried sticker charts/treats?

Also, what we used to do when dd went through this phase was to sleep in seperate rooms for a few nights a week, with the person who was not getting up wearing earplus, so at least someone got sleep and we were not both ratty.

VictorianSqualor · 09/02/2009 09:44

Nightlight on timer is a good idea. Other than that you just have to be consistent. Just like you constantly return a child to bed if they fight not to go to sleep, just keep returning her. It's hard at stupid o'clock but at the moment she knows you're going to get up with her.

mamadiva · 09/02/2009 10:06

My DS is 2.7YO, he has never slept through the night and gets up anytime between 3 and 5.30am , we are at the end of our tether and have decided not to have more kids due to his problems it is horrible isn't it?

He goes to bed at 7pm normally but for the last 2 weeks he has been coming down the stairs for atleast 2 hours after putting him to bed, he sleeps for an hour from 1-2pm so wilst I am not working I go for a quick sleep. On Friday night he didn't fall asleep until 10.45pm and was up at 5.45 as well as 2-3 times in between. When he gets up in the morning he doesn't even shout or anything he just runs in and jumps on our bed ontop of us, shouting on us and laughing it is soo hard to ignore him so we have to get up.

We have tried everything I'm not sure what it is you are supposed to do TBH I think you just have to ride it out and somehow cope.

swanriver · 09/02/2009 10:18

The fact that she is screaming when she wakes makes me think she might still be tired when she gets up and finds you. Perhaps she needs a pee?
I have suggestions to get your dd into new mindset of not coming into your bedroom
one of you sleep for a week in same room as her, so you can enforce the staying in room playing looking quietly at books rule.
potty in bedroom and a drink and simple snack so that she can get used to being by herself first thing.
story tape that she can switch on herself
she can't tell time so she needs some cue to wait for. Music (ie: radio alarm) to come on first at 5.40 for a few days, then move to 5.50, then 6.00 (or start earlier and move forwards if needs be) And reward her with sticker for waiting.

My experience of any early waker was that he woke up with a start, came to find us, jabbered away, and then if no stimulus was given, was left to his own devices, forced to stay in his bed with a book to look at etc
would sometimes go back to sleep. He was definitely missing that last little bit of his sleep cycle. He mostly slept 7.30 - 6.30 and if he woke any earlier, we listened to him persuaded him to stay in room but we DID not get up. Now he sleeps 8 -7 (so 11 hours)

swanriver · 09/02/2009 10:25

I think my ds2 who was an early waker used to think of that as his special time with daddy before daddy went to work, so not surprisingly would wake as early as he could looking forward to all the daddy time! Could you give her a special time lots of attention in some other part of the day which might subconsciously stop her seeking attention first thing? I think my ds2 thought of that time as his SLOT, so we did try other things like never putting on telly till 8.oo am(at w/ends) never doing anything very interesting till 7.00am in fact.

notyummy · 09/02/2009 10:30

swanriver seems to have some good ideas. Certainly the cue (in our case a rabbit nightlight thing that goes from sleeping to awake) has worked well. Sometimes she wants to get up before then because she needs the toilet, which is fair enough, but we are very strict with going to the potty then straight back to bed until the rabbit wakes up.

Dropdeadfred · 09/02/2009 10:38

I'm more co1nfused at the 'screaming' froma 3 and half year old. I would NOT put up with that at her age. Why does she scream...is she frightened/hungry?

swanriver · 09/02/2009 10:45

I think some dcs are made differently and have this very intense radar for their parents - they wake and their first thought is Mummy? Daddy?. A bit like the way you or I feel if you know you have to catch a plane or get to an urgent appointment first thing. It doesn't matter how tired you (the dc) are, you just wake wired, thinking you are going to miss that plane. I suppose it is about trying to reassure the child that nothing will happen if they don't see you first thing, and they can enjoy their own company for a little longer which will in turn lead them to wake later.

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