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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD keeps getting up at the crack of dawn every morning- it's wearing me down

47 replies

the3ofus · 09/02/2009 08:50

My dd is 3 and a half and about 6 months ago started waking up at around 4.30/5 each morning. It has got to the point where it is now wearing me and DH down. We have tried everything, putting her back to bed, explaining that she shouldn't get out of bed until the hands on the clock show 7, we've tried wearing her out during the day until she's exhausted and even put her to bed a bit later (she goes at 7.15 normally) but none of this works. We've been encouraging her to stay in her room and play with her toys if she cannot go back to sleep but her preferred method of getting up is to come into our room and scream at the top of her voice until one of us reluctantly gets out of bed and has to stay up with her until we go exhaustedly to work. It's not so bad when it's one of my non working days (I work Part-time) but when it's a day I have to go to work I feel bone tired. There's no chance to catch up on sleep at the weekend either because she's up at the same sort of time...

Does anyone have any idea how we can break out of this cycle? I had thought by this age children generally could sleep in til 6.30/7? Or maybe I'm just being unrealistic. Part of the reason DH and I have decided not to have any more children is because we can't cope with the lack of sleep. Apart from lack of sleep it makes the days longer too. DD and I have been up for almost 5 hours and already she is bored and I've run out of things to do with her, it's not even 9 a.m....

OP posts:

Poppycake · 09/02/2009 10:54

Dd1 had trouble getting back to sleep during the night, so we got her a cheapie cd player and some story cds and showed her how to press the on button (she was about 3 when we started with this). She is totally happy with this - now sleeps in at the weekend like a very civilised human being! Also has an encyclopedic knowledge of stories and songs. Developing a love of motown from listening to radio 2 as well

Lotster · 09/02/2009 11:14

I just bought a book called "Solve your Child's Sleep Problems" by Dr Richard Ferber, it was about £3 from Amazon's Used and New section, and is worth a look for the breakdowns of day and night sleep you can expect at each age, plus whereabouts in the night the light and deep sleep comes.

I got it for my friend who's daughter keeps waking at 5am, this happens to be just around when light sleep ends and a final short deep sleep should begin, but out of habit she wakes and then doesn't re-settle. Anyway, she is using his tips to get her LO to finish her sleep cycle. My sister also swears by ths book and there's lots of support on this site for it too.

The first chapter is called "At the end of your tether" !! Have a look at the link as you can look inside the book at the index.

Good luck.

Mimia · 09/02/2009 13:08

My DD is 2.7 and she has always woken early, between 4.30 and 5.30. This is not a phase for us, this is just her. We have tried most of the techniques we could find, all to no avail and TBH we felt more stressed trying to make her do something according to some book, it just made up feel like we were failing.

DD is definately not needing another sleep cycle either, she doesn't nap during the day anymore. From what I know of various sleep books, if your DD was missing out on an extra sleep cycle she would be needing a fair nap during the day, usually the early part of the day. This is just the amount of sleep she needs, as Bonsoir Anna says some just need less sleep than others (incidentally, nothing wrong with a late bedtime because its total hours of sleep your DC's get, not when they get it.)

Bottom line is, things just got easier for us when we just accepted the situation. We know she is going to wake early so we take it in turns to get up with her. We also go to bed earlier because we know she is going to wake early. You just adapt.

paddingtonbore · 09/02/2009 13:14

oh god, we've had spells of this and I've found it awful.

Things that have helped in our case were limiting DD's daytime sleep, and not letting her nap too early in the day. Also creating absolute darkness - blackout material fixed to the window panes, plus a blackout blind, and shutting the door at night (you can use a monitor if you're worried about hearing her).

We also started a rule that the day would not start until normal getting up time - no getting dressed, no getting out noisy toys, no TV, no early breakfast - just quiet story time and few soft toys.

Lotster · 09/02/2009 13:26

I get your point from your personal experience Mimia, but the OP's little one asks to go to bed at 7pm because she is knackered - just from my own experience with mine and kids in the family, they usually don't want bed even when they are tired - maybe this indicates that the OP's LO would take a nap in the day if she could, or that in fact she is getting up too early?

To me 4.30am is the middle of the night and personally I just know I couldn't cope with it..

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/02/2009 14:01

4.30am is far to early for any child to be up and about, you just need to retrain her little brain into waking later

when she comes into you and screams, you are giving her attention, to take her firmly back to her room and say that mummy and daddy are still sleeping as its in the middle of the night

you may have to do this this a few times a night, and same thing every night - possibly for up to two weeks

you will be knackered, but you need to knock this on the head now

she knows if she comes in and screams, you will get up and play, hence why she does it

agree a night light, bunny ears etc are good

fwiw i dont think 7.15 is very early

my 3 are in bed about 7.15 for a story and aleep by 7.30 and generally have to wake them up 7.30 for school

children are growing and need sleep

is it possible that she is over tired and to give her a sleep/quiet time about 1/2pm for an hour

Original poster

the3ofus · 09/02/2009 14:52

Thanks for all the replies. We have tried most of the things suggested including a tape player, blackout curtains and nightlight timer. None of it works. We have tried naps in the daytime too. We've been down the road of getting up and putting her back to bed countless times and it just does not work. It is the screaming which is the problem. I think the longest we managed to put up with it was about 45 minutes and there was no sign of her stopping, she just got more and more hysterical until she was almost sick, and spent the whole time standing by our bed doing it... I'm just glad our house is detached, god knows what any neighbours would think. We cannot put her to bed any later as its a stuggle to keep her up until 7.15, by this time she is wiping her eyes and dragging one of us up the stairs for her bedtime story. I'm hoping it is a phase and in a years time she'll be able to read a book or play with her toys. She spends 4 whole days with me and has so much attention, she doesnt have to share me with anyone else and we spend hours doing things together like painting and drawing so I don't think it is an attention thing.

Looks like we'll just have to struggle on . DH and I do have a night away in April when dd goes to my parents for the night so I'm looking forward to this. .

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/02/2009 15:14

so unless you get up and play with her, your dd will scream - is this right?

be interesting to see what she does with someone else, ie your parents

i can only stress that you take her back to her room, and say to her to play, look at books etc BUT on her own, and that you go back to bed or she will continue to to this screaming

it must be really hard for you, and mentally and physically tiring as well

Original poster

the3ofus · 09/02/2009 15:48

yes that's right blondeshavemorefun,dd will keep on screaming and screaming until one of us gets up. She has obviously got us wrapped round her finger... I suppose I can't complain too much, at least I only work part-time, if I worked full time I'd be dead on my feet.

OP posts:

Lotster · 09/02/2009 16:00

here's an interesting Q&A with someone having the same prob:

here

Original poster

the3ofus · 09/02/2009 16:04

Thanks Lotster, sounds spookily familiar!

OP posts:

ChipButty · 09/02/2009 16:11

I think you need to be harder with her. At 3.5 she is old enough to understand that what you say goes. Reward her with stickers and the promise of something she would like when she gets eg 10 stickers. You don't have to put up with this.

neverknowinglyunderdressed · 09/02/2009 16:16

The combination of the bunny clock and rewards/reward chart if def worth a try.

DanJARMouse · 09/02/2009 16:17

I have a 4.7yr old DD1 who thinks nothing of getting up at 5am.

We have tried EVERYTHING. Got to the stage where we just had to accept that is her body clock (not unlike my dads when i think about it!)

We are hoping that when she starts school full time after easter that she will sleep longer, but for now, its just what we do. DH and I go to bed early to compensate, even if we dont sleep til say 11pm, we will often be in bed from about 9pm reading.

You do just adapt, and unfortunately DD1 has always been like this.

Our longest lie for the past 4.7yrs has been 7.05am after a horrendous night of her being up sick.

Dropdeadfred · 09/02/2009 16:20

Screams what exactly? does she tal? is she shouting at you to get up?

if you really can't deal with her behaviour could you have atv and dvd player in your room and tell her she canget in bed with you and watch a dvd quietly whilst you snooze on?

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/02/2009 18:24

"yes that's right blondeshavemorefun,dd will keep on screaming and screaming until one of us gets up. She has obviously got us wrapped round her finger... I suppose I can't complain too much, at least I only work part-time, if I worked full time I'd be dead on my feet."

indeed she does have you both wrapped round her finger

i know it is easy for me to say to ignore her, take her back to bed, but if you keep doing this, eventually she will listen

at 3.5 she is more than capable of listening to instructions and commands and playing byherself in her room IF she must get up at that time

good luck

hollyhobbie · 09/02/2009 18:41

we found this clock worked really well for us. DD is very receptive to "rabbit says it's night time so back to bed with you".

Original poster

the3ofus · 09/02/2009 19:49

Thanks hollyhobbie that link is great, I've just ordered one . Can't wait for it to arrive...

OP posts:

notyummy · 09/02/2009 20:26

That's the one we have. Currently working like a charm!

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 09/02/2009 20:35

We've got one of these which is along the same lines as hollyhobbie's. This combined with good old bribery reward charts has revolutionised our mornings from 5am to 7.15!

Phoenix4725 · 10/02/2009 07:03

some children aare just morning people my ds bounces out of bed any time from 5am but way he is dd is anytime from 6 and my older ds well i have to wake at 7m there 12 and 14 i love waking them call it my revenge for the 6am wake ups when younger so it does get better hmm now wheres that bucket of water 7am it is

steppemum · 13/02/2009 11:24

I think I wouldn't put up with this, I taught all of mine to stay in bed until "morning time" I basically did a Super nanny style thing, I took them back to bed and said "it isn't morning time, you have to stay in your bed until morning time" and then I took them back again and again, no interaction, no comment until eventually they get the message and stay in bed.
My SIL did a sleep clinic, they gave her dd a "sleep fairy" (totally imaginary) when it was morning, the fairy turned on the light. If she had stayed in bed until the light came on there was a little sweet or something outside her door. It worked like a dream.
We now have a rabbit clock (warning it makes a big noise as it wakes up, so ours is outside the door) Our kids sometimes wake early to do a wee, but look at th erabbit, if it is still asleep then they go back to bed.

The tiredness thing is so draining though isn't it?

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