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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Have I spoilt my baby?

36 replies

barbareebaa · 27/01/2009 14:29

Just after some reasurance that I've been doing the right thing really...

I have a 9 week old baby, haven't been following a routine just been letting him 'tell' me what he needs and when. I do bathe him and try to pop him to bed roughly the same time every night - this was going reasonably well until recently - hates his bath (previously loved) and difficulty settling and then waking every hour or so.

Also during the day he screams when I put him down. He takes all his daytime naps on me unless he's in the pram. When I do a nappy change and I turn my back he screams. Gah!!

People have said that I would 'spoil' my baby if I kept him with me all the time and I just ignored them but now I'm wondering if I've done the wrong thing.

I'm hoping this behaviour is perfectly normal...?

Thanks,
barbsx

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mad4mybaby · 27/01/2009 14:31

i dont think you can spoil a baby. i oo have 9 week old and is number 2 and is used to coming 2nd and quite laidback but ds1 always slept on me etc and is a very balanced happy go lucky 2 yr old.

do what you think is best, you are the mummy and dont ever let anyone tell you otherwise x

hewlettsdaughter · 27/01/2009 14:34

You sound like you're doing fine - keep ignoring, I say.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 27/01/2009 14:34

Are these 'people' who have said you are spoiling him a HV, your mil and your granny per chance?

I did that with both of my dds and dd1 only got spoilt when she learnt to ask for things like Nintendo ds' and I didn't learn to say no.

It is impossible to spoil a newborn baby.

wishingchair · 27/01/2009 14:34

no you haven't spoilt him. They are fickle creatures and will sleep/not sleep, like bath/hate bath etc. You do what you need to do to get through the day and give your baby the love and security he needs to get through his. DD1 would only sleep on me ... I therefore would plonk myself on sofa and settle in for lovely snuggly snoozes. All too soon they change again and you'll find you will be able to put them down and they'll be napping in their beds etc etc. Then with a blink of an eye they'll be off to school ... sniff ...

Runoutofideas · 27/01/2009 14:36

I think they all go through more clingy phases and I'm sure this one will pass soon. You sound like you're doing a great job. I never managed to leave either of my two to cry and they are now quite independent and happy. It's tiring for you, but for me leaving them to cry was far more stressful than just giving them a cuddle when they waned one. You are not doing anything wrong.

Mummyfor3 · 27/01/2009 14:39

Ignore - the advice that is, not the baby. A baby that young cannot be "spoilt" IMO. He may just have become more aware that he is separate from you and demand constant reassurance that you will come to him when he shouts. Personally, I do not want to teach my children that nobody hears them when they feel they need me. I agree with above poster a lot is simply personality, I am currently doing battle with DS3 who is good natured but demands constant attention, after laid back DS2 and totally INSANE DS1. So hang in there, he will learn to trust you . When they are @ 5-6 months he will beome more aware of a routine and you can encourage regularity then.

theresonlyme · 27/01/2009 14:40

You can not spoil a baby.

I didn't cuddle my first for no reason other than a cuddle as I had read something about not holding them too much. I feel so about that now.

Original poster

barbareebaa · 27/01/2009 14:50

Thanks - that's just what I wanted to hear!! Have friend who says if I don't do something about his 'clingyness' now it'll be harder to 'fix' later and 'nows the time to get your life back'etc My mum's coming at the weekend to mmet her grandson for the first time and I'm half expecting that she'll make a face like this when she sees that I barely put him down.

My usual retort is that he will grow out of it - unlikely to be napping on me when he's 15!! but then I think maybe I'm not doing either of us any favours - him being beside himself if I leave him and me feeling guilty when I need to pop off for a wee!!(sorry)

OP posts:

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 27/01/2009 14:51

Put him in a sling when you go to wee

My sister did. Mine weren't clingy babies so I didn't have this trouble.

Her newborn is constantly strapped to her chest

ThursdayNext · 27/01/2009 14:54

You sound remarkably sensible to me, lucky baby

Have you got a good sling? I really like a wrap sling for young babies, then you don't even have to put him down when you need a pee!

ThursdayNext · 27/01/2009 14:55

Cross posts about the sling and peeing!

UpSinceCrapOClock · 27/01/2009 14:56

SheSellsSeashells - "dd1 only got spoilt when she learnt to ask for things like Nintendo ds' and I didn't learn to say no.
" love it.

Barbareebaa - learn that and incorporate it somehow to answer all the 'spoiling the baby / rod for your own back' stuff thrown at you! I also carried both of mine a lot, slept on me etc and they seem to be developing into their own people.

Original poster

barbareebaa · 27/01/2009 14:58

I do need a sling don't I? I think funding could be a problem here. I looked into it a few weeks ago and I think I saw one for about £40 on the internet. Maybe I should try ebay or something..

Thanks for your lovely comments

OP posts:

Elk · 27/01/2009 15:03

My dd2 was permenently held for her first 5/6 months. She has always had her daytime naps cuddled up to me. She is now three and has just started nursery and barely waved goodbye to me as she ran in the door. She is wonderfully confident and views life as one big adventure.

She does still like her cuddles though.

thecatisdecorating · 27/01/2009 15:05

You cant spoil a baby! 9 week olds do not necessarily need a strict routine. Our DD had a routine of her choosing, she sort of told us when she wanted to go to bed for example and that became the same time (we looked for the signs which we learnt as we went along).

Their own behaviour and routines do change quickly at this early age. A good piece of advice I was given was be prepared that just as you think you are getting the hand of the sleeping pattern, it will change again!

DD cried when she was left on her own, that is perfectly natural. Your LO needs you and to know you are there. I carried DD in a sling/front carrier for months and months as I did chores etc. Sometimes she slept, sometimes she just watched what I did, and I talked to her.

Sounds to me like you are doing a grand job so far.

thecatisdecorating · 27/01/2009 15:07

If you cannot afford a sling, try a sheet/blanket and make one from that - thats pretty much where they originate from, peices of material wrapped around you...

philmassive · 27/01/2009 15:26

Nooo, you can't spoil a baby. Don't listen to those who claim that you are making a rod for your own back. Hold your ds if he wants holding and you are willing, let him sleep with you if he and you both want to. Let life be on hold for a while longer. Don't deny him the comfort of his mummy. You will never get these days with him back, do what feels right to you and what makes you both happy and comfortable. Enjoy him.

Babyisaac · 27/01/2009 22:40

Barbareeba - my DS turned a year old a couple of weeks ago. He has been a high-needs baby from day 1. Always fussing, needing to be constantly held and carried around. Separation anxiety started at birth and is only just easing off now.

I did what I felt my DS needed and that was constant attention and cuddles. It seemed to be the only thing to make him happy. Being put down in his pram or anywhere else just made him scream blue murder. So, I popped him in a sling and carried him everywhere. We used our Babybjorn carrier until he was about 10 months old actually. I do know what you're going through.

There is light at the end of the tunnel though. He has just started walking and is becoming a very independent and happy little boy. I can leave the room without him screaming because he trusts I will come back. He is happy to play independently (he never ever used to). He will happily sit in his buggy and car seat.

A 9 week old is a newborn and I don't believe there is such thing as spoiling a baby. If so, I have spoiled my DS but you couldn't find a happier toddler now. I think that the constant holding and constant attention has helped his confidence and given us a very strong bond. It has been very very tough and tiring but I was told by another MNer that it would pay off and it is definitely starting to.

Go with your instinct. Give your DS what you think he needs. Mine still needs more attention than most and is still demanding but he has a huuuuuge personality and is bright as a button. Hang on in there!

TeenyTinyToria · 27/01/2009 22:44

You can't spoil a baby. They have basic needs that have to be met, and they don't think in any more devious terms than "feed me, change me, cuddle me".

When they get to about 22mths on the other hand, they can be evil

At 9 weeks, your ds may be going through a growth spurt, may be unsettled, windy, etc. etc. Don't listen to people saying you're spoiling him, just do what makes you and him happy and comfortable.

julietbat · 28/01/2009 09:13

You're doing totally the right thing. He's 9 WEEKS old not 9 months or 9 years. Poor little mite just wants to feel loved by his mummy. It might feel quite overwhelming at the moment but other posters are right - he'll grow up and become independent very quickly and then you'll be begging for cuddles!

For the 'friend' who says 'now's the time to get your life back' - this is your life now and a fantastic one it is too. Anyone who can't put their own needs to one side for a few months so that their baby can feel secure and loved and treasured probably shouldn't have bothered having one in the first place...

GooseyLoosey · 28/01/2009 09:19

My children were both quite demanding as babies and would sleep on my through the day until about 4 or 5 months. They are now 4 and 5 and are independent and well able to go to school and around to friends' houses without me!

Would endorss the suggestion for a sling though - I could not have done without one.

There are times when I have changed my parenting in response to implied criticisms, it has never gone well.

Good luck.

hoarsewhisperer · 28/01/2009 10:16

i was told when mine were little that it was impossible to spoil a baby under 4 months..... He is still very little and i think you are doing the right things. When he is older you can wean him off to be on his own a bit more (sit with him when he sleeps rather than let him sleep on you for eg) but being loved does not equal being spoiled as far as i am concerned...he is a lucky baby!

jooseyfruit · 28/01/2009 10:22

hello barbareebaa.

it's lucy

lovely to see you here!!! you will get loads of excellent support on mn. hope you stick around.

DON'T BUY A SLING!!!

e-mail me on facebook and you can have mine on long loan (i will sell it on e-bay eventually)
i'll post it or Aimee can bring it down in feb when she comes to see you.xxxxx

choosyfloosy · 28/01/2009 10:29

And until jooseyfruit's sling gets to you, try any of the youtube 'baby sling' videos

Note a) this baby is a lot older than 9 weeks and still being held! b) there are hundreds of videos like this on youtube - lots of normal people doing what you do.

your baby is 9 weeks old. that is TINY. Your life has changed - do what you need to do to enjoy yourself and your baby as much as is possible!

choosyfloosy · 28/01/2009 10:31

NB I assume you have tried getting in the big bath with your baby? ds would only do this for quite a long time, having started out loving baths.

Alternatively, just wash separate bits of him? baths aren't essential IMO but are easier if they like them.

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