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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Odd comments from DD about Nursery.....a bit long

71 replies

CrushWithEyeliner · 23/01/2009 11:05

Am I worrying too much about this?

DD is just 2 and started at the beginning of the months for 2 mornings at nursery looking to increase. She seemed to like it the first week but since then has seemed to get very negative indeed about it - and started crying a lot and asking not to go.
She is a very good talker and is quite articulate and is able to relay a lot about what she has done in the day. Problem is it is all very negative. I realise she is going to exaggerate certain things but she keeps saying the teachers say to her "SIT DOWN" (shouting it) and (CALM DOWN XXXXX). I dismissed this as I know how active she is and can get really worked up so I thought, well she will learn here maybe .

Today she said to me when she was crying the teacher said "BE QUIET" again in this shouty voice. She said she asked for her toy and they wouldn't give it to her. She keeps doing it and I am getting a bit concerned.
I got a good vibe from them and when I pick her up she is settled but they know what time I am going to arrive so..hmm. They say to me that she has "tears" but they are able to distract her. I know she gets quite upset from what they are saying. The taecher also said to me when they tidy up she doesn't know what to do. I felt like saying er yeah she is 2. I know this is a different experience and I want her to settle but I just don't like what I am hearing tbh.

Am I making too much of this? What do you think I should do?

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Original poster

CrushWithEyeliner · 25/01/2009 18:11

OK. Do you think even after just 4 weeks she should have settled more? The staff have said to me it takes a while......but I am not convinced either

OP posts:

tankie · 25/01/2009 18:14

Is she there while you work, or because you want her to socialise etc? If she is unhappy and doesn't have to go, I would take her out until you find somewhere better suited.

lunavix · 25/01/2009 18:15

I personally would take her out too. The have procedures they have are for a pre-school and not suited to a nursery with younger, more sensitive children. Take her out.

tankie · 25/01/2009 18:16

btw I have worked in a nursery that sounds quite like yours - the room leader in the 2-3s was very strict, and I felt expected too much from the children. She often took away children's toys and snugglies as punishment, insisted on a quiet and orderly room, and put two year olds on the naughty chair for not listening to her properly during circle time.

slayerette · 25/01/2009 18:17

DS was fine after his first settling in session, tbh. I was an emotional wreck, sobbing in the Sainsburys queue because it was the first time I'd been anywhere without him since he was born; went to pick him up after his two hours and he was as happy as anything. Children are very flexible if they enjoy where they are. So if she's unhappy after four weeks, I'd be a bit worried.

theresonlyme · 25/01/2009 18:18

Of course.

If you are not happy why would you leave her there? In my experience as a nanny, once a week sessions were a really bad idea.

My DD was there for a few months and I was led to believe all was okay. I was told about something one day and that was it, she didn't go back.

Wonderstuff · 25/01/2009 18:28

I think 4 weeks is lots of time for a 2yo to settle, i think that if you stay there 1. you are going to be reAlly stressed while she is there 2. she is going to hate leaving you in any situation, she'll have her guard up and also from what you say she is thinking about it a lot.

Original poster

CrushWithEyeliner · 25/01/2009 19:11

She only goes 2 mornings but I guess 4 weeks s a while..

Can they still hold me to 4 weeks in fees of the notice period if I really am this unhappy with them?

OP posts:

tankie · 25/01/2009 19:18

Yes, I think you'll have to pay the notice period regardless.

theresonlyme · 25/01/2009 19:56

I didn't pay any notice but I don't know if I was meant too.

It is only 8 sessions and has to be better than sending her and worrying.

Original poster

CrushWithEyeliner · 25/01/2009 20:34

It is just a bit annoying that they can charge me £250 in notice after looking after DD completely innapropriately, doesn't seem fair. hey ho....

I will go in tomorrow and speak to the keyworker with regards to my concerns and her removal.Thanks again x

OP posts:

callmeovercautious · 25/01/2009 21:22

I would talk to them and listen to the answer before removing her.
If you are not happy with the key workers response speak with the manager. Our Nursery moved DD as I was not happy with her key worker, DD is now very happy and the key worker has left. The Nursery took all the right steps, disciplining a worker and re-training others etc. tbh I was all for removing her but was re-assured by the managers actions and her attitude towards us. You chose them for a reason, trust those instincts too.

You might find that another child is the one doing the shouting as that is how they are spoken to at home. DD certainly copies other DC as well as the carers.

Hope you get it sorted out

nancy75 · 26/01/2009 09:55

hope it goes ok today, good luck!

theresonlyme · 26/01/2009 19:13

CWE - Did you talk to the nursery manager?

Original poster

CrushWithEyeliner · 27/01/2009 11:55

Hi all x

Yes I went yesterday and it went very well. Really glad I went. She was very helpful and open and communicated to me in what I believe was an honest way about how DD was getting on. She said they never reproach them when upset and only ever say calm down quietly which DD does say a lot. She said DD is improving and eating her food and even drinking from a cup which I didn't know she was doing. She said it was not set out like a pre-school at all and said she was always one on one with DD, feeding her and playing with her almost all the time she was there. She said she does get upset but we are alway very gentle and distract her. She is apparently always allowed a comfort toy just not in the table in the lunch hall. She said to use my contact book more and to meet again and try to create task that DD will look forward to and feel more positive about the nursery.

I think I will give them a 2nd chance for a while and keep monitoring the situation. thank you all for your help on this

OP posts:

theresonlyme · 27/01/2009 12:27

I am glad you are feeling better

Hopefully everything will go well from now on.

callmeovercautious · 27/01/2009 20:15

Sounds like it was a positive meeting

Wonderstuff · 27/01/2009 22:18

Sounds like a good meeting. Its so hard to know how to interpret what they say when they are so young isn't it? Hope she gets on better now.

bigpigonadig · 27/01/2009 23:04

I had a similar situation with my child, first day she raced in without a backwards glance to me (this is what I was expecting as she was very outgoing and used to being left in a creche), however on the first day I went 30 mins early to pick her up and just waited outside. They were obviously sitting down to a story time, my daughter hated sitting down at the best of times (she was only just 3 at the time), and I overheard the supervisor barking at her to sit down again and again. I was shocked, but assumed this is how they did things in all nurseries. Anyway, things went from bad to worse resulting in her wetting again during the day, waking at night, very anxious behaviours etc. I pulled her out in her second week.

I found another local nursery and started her there and the difference was amazing. The atmosphere and ethos was so different and the staff spoke to the children in such a respectful manner, which the children responded to very well.

I am so glad I listened to my daughter and removed her.

Original poster

CrushWithEyeliner · 28/01/2009 16:46

It is really so hard to know what to do for the best! However today she went in and I could tell they were all making an extra effort - saying "hello XXX" and beckoning her in, much more on it so to speak. DD came back and said she had a great day and the reports back were that she hadn't really cried at all.

i am just so glad I talked to them thank you all- it seems to have made them give her a bit of extra care xx

OP posts:

Wonderstuff · 28/01/2009 18:28

Thats really good, maybe before they weren't aware she was getting upset? Hopefully things will improve now.

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