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Original poster

Odd comments from DD about Nursery.....a bit long

71 replies

CrushWithEyeliner · 23/01/2009 11:05

Am I worrying too much about this?

DD is just 2 and started at the beginning of the months for 2 mornings at nursery looking to increase. She seemed to like it the first week but since then has seemed to get very negative indeed about it - and started crying a lot and asking not to go.
She is a very good talker and is quite articulate and is able to relay a lot about what she has done in the day. Problem is it is all very negative. I realise she is going to exaggerate certain things but she keeps saying the teachers say to her "SIT DOWN" (shouting it) and (CALM DOWN XXXXX). I dismissed this as I know how active she is and can get really worked up so I thought, well she will learn here maybe .

Today she said to me when she was crying the teacher said "BE QUIET" again in this shouty voice. She said she asked for her toy and they wouldn't give it to her. She keeps doing it and I am getting a bit concerned.
I got a good vibe from them and when I pick her up she is settled but they know what time I am going to arrive so..hmm. They say to me that she has "tears" but they are able to distract her. I know she gets quite upset from what they are saying. The taecher also said to me when they tidy up she doesn't know what to do. I felt like saying er yeah she is 2. I know this is a different experience and I want her to settle but I just don't like what I am hearing tbh.

Am I making too much of this? What do you think I should do?

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Pannacotta · 23/01/2009 11:35

And does DD have a keyworker?

Original poster
CrushWithEyeliner · 23/01/2009 11:36

Well there is a pre-school in the next room. for ages 3 + I think.

God I really should have researched a bit better or listened!

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Original poster
CrushWithEyeliner · 23/01/2009 11:36

Yes pannacotta she does -

OP posts:
CarGirl · 23/01/2009 11:36

Is she in a group with only 2-3 year olds, how many in her room etc?

Do the rest stay for lunch etc

nappyaddict · 23/01/2009 11:38

Is it a nursery school or a daycare nursery where they can go all day from 8-6?

Original poster
CrushWithEyeliner · 23/01/2009 11:41

OK the bit she is in is from 2-3 nursery, then pre-school from 3+ in next rooms.

The sessions in her section are 8-1 1-4.30 and 6pm but yes you can do all day. x

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Original poster
CrushWithEyeliner · 23/01/2009 11:43

what do you think I should i do?

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Wonderstuff · 23/01/2009 11:45

I would go in early /or discuss with her key worker. I would also have a butchers at there most recent ofsted report, just out of interest.

Pannacotta · 23/01/2009 11:46

I woudl try and talk to her keyworker and explain that DD is anxious and also say that you woudl like them to give her her doll when she asks for it. Perhaps ask her how she thinks DD is settling in?
Do think its odd that they expect a 2 year old to settle in without any settling sessions.
DS1's playgroup doenst do this but he is only there 2.5 hours twice a week, his nursery sessions are much longer...

Original poster
CrushWithEyeliner · 23/01/2009 11:49

how do i get hold of ofstead report? x

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Wonderstuff · 23/01/2009 11:54

link

HSMM · 23/01/2009 12:06

I sometimes encourage children to put their toys from home away, because toys from home can stop them interacting with the other children and other activities. There can also be some sharing issues.

One little girl always brings a teddy, which causes problems in the play room. We make him a little bed in her box and then when she goes for her nap, he goes with her. She is happy with this arrangement and so are her parents.

Picking up early, or dropping off late? They are your children and you can do anything you like within the hours you are paying for.

Original poster
CrushWithEyeliner · 23/01/2009 12:50

Thank you ALL for your help.

God I love Mumsnet!

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mummytowillow · 24/01/2009 22:47

Do a spot check, they can't say no, its your child so you should be allowed to see her.

ohappydays · 24/01/2009 22:54

Having a settling period is good practice.
As a parent you should be able to drop in when you want.
Teachers of young children should only shout in an emergency - ofsted would slate them if they heard staff shouting.
Do lots of spot checks
She is your child and dont feel embarrassed about it

HandleMeCarefully · 24/01/2009 22:56

How old are the staff. Are any of them mothers themselves?

morocco · 24/01/2009 22:57

if she's asking not to go, are you able to take her out and wait til she's older or does she have to go cos you are working etc? if you have a choice,I'd just take her out for a few months - it makes all the difference at that age

they might well be shouty. I've seen lots of that in the past in nurseries. be confident in the staff or change nursery

tiggerlovestobounce · 24/01/2009 23:00

It sounds a bit strange really.

I drop off and pick up my DDs when I want to, and the nursery staff wouldnt care when that was.
I would be concerned about a nursery that seemed to not want you to see what they are doing.

Supplying your own nappies is normal IMO.

callmeovercautious · 24/01/2009 23:03

I tell the carers what DD has told me so they know how well she can talk. They were all a bit shocked this week when I went in and asked if they had done a fire drill the day before. They had. I knew they had as DD (2.4) had told DH and I in great detail about the "fire larm" and going out to the "cars" (car park) and that they had "no coat or hat - COLD".

We giggled about it!

Hopefully they know now that we know iyswim? An articulate child is handy when it comes to nursery - just learn to check what they say.

lauraloola · 24/01/2009 23:08

I worked in a nursery for a few years and sometimes had to raise my voice to be heard as it did get noisy at times

One think that I do find odd is that ask for notice if you are going to be there early. Surely if you can get their a bit earlier you will IYSWIM.

One other thing is - Does your dd tell you about this when you collect her or just when she wakes up?? Could it be that she is dreaming about the nursery??

I totally agree with the others - Get their early one day next week. Maybe stand outside for a few moments if you are not seen and listen. Another week go in soon after you dropped dd off with some pull ups and say you had forgotten them.

Im sure everything is fine but if you are worried its best to be sure x

Original poster
CrushWithEyeliner · 25/01/2009 17:25

Okay - resurrecting this a bit for tomorrow. DD is now regularly telling us to stop making a noise and calm down. I don't like it and the new language to her repatoire and attitude is very alien to the way we bring her up tbh.

After a talk with DH he feels that this nursery is not right and has had some reservations. I have also read the ofsted report which proved very interesting reading and almost confirms my concerns. They are quite rigid in the structure and I suspect quite strict, although with health and safety are excellent, the ofsted report noted that the play was quite restrictive and not enough benefit for the younger children who needed a softer approach or words to that effect. Not enough scope to express themselves. hmmmm

The bottom line is I think I want to break or drop down to one session and look elsewhere. I think I have found another nursery with a better approach.

I want to hold her off tomorrows session and go in to speak to her key worker. Is it enough notice to want a chat tomorrow?
I also feel that I want to communicate that DD at 2 is saying these words quite shouty and aggressively and it isn't really why I wanted to bring her to nursery. I am crap at these kind of things and wondered if any of you had any advice or tips for me. I don't want to sound too precious (I am really not) but I also feel strongly about this negative language and bottom line I think they are too strict with her. She is just 2 in the group of 2-3 yo.
I really would appreciate you taking the time to read this and help me

OP posts:
tiggerlovestobounce · 25/01/2009 17:32

The Ofsted report seems to exactly mirror your own concerns.

I think that it is plenty of notice to want to talk to them tomorrow. At my DDs nursery you just speak to the staff if you want to, they have never suggested to me that I should make an appointment.

I think the main thing in discussing these things is to try to be matter of fact and straight forward eg not getting too emotionl, and also not being defensive or minimising your opinion, have confidence that your opinion and concerns are perfectly valid ones to have.
You could say that you saw that it was an issue that ofsted have picked up on too, and what plans do the nursery have to address this?

theresonlyme · 25/01/2009 17:47

I wouldn't drop down a session. I would remove her completely. Check what notice you will have to give and I would stop her straight away.

Dh went in to playschool on the day DD should have gone in and said we are finishing her. End of.

Original poster
CrushWithEyeliner · 25/01/2009 17:58

Really? because of what I have said?

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slayerette · 25/01/2009 18:09

You have to be completely comfortable with your nursery and based on what you have said, you have some quite serious reservations as does your daughter! So yes, I would look elsewhere.

We had a couple of minor niggles about DS's nursery but the bottom line was, he was happy - loved going there even as a baby, loved his carers and really thrived in all areas. And we could pick him up whenever we liked - there was no issue about dropping in unexpectedly. You need to find somewhere which your child looks forward to going to otherwise you will never be totally relaxed about leaving her.