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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

first tantrum in post office - advice next time this happens

37 replies

bumbly · 19/01/2009 16:51

so out of character from my little one - wanted to push pram so said no but do you want a snack and then he went mental but i mean mental as if was another child so much so that i could not even put him in pram....he was violently shaking screaming and THRUTCHING extremely streongly..everyone looked at me and it was sooooooo embarassing

had to leave post office there and then

what do i do next time this happens

am so angry with little one as he is a very well behaved boy generally

so i told him in stern words i do not like that behaviour

he is 18 months but he does understand!

now wants my attnetion and am denying it - is that wehat i shouyld do

am furious

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

lavenderbongo · 19/01/2009 16:55

Dont worry about it anyone who has children will have experienced this.

I think you handled it pretty well. I would pick up my dd and take her away from the audience. Then I would put her down and ignore her until the tantrum had finished. Explaining to her what I was doing eg "I will talk to you when you have stopped screaming". If you remain calm and dont shout the situation resolves itself far quicker.

I think you did fine.

SammyK · 19/01/2009 16:56

I am not criticising, just curious, but why couldn't you physically get him into his buggy? Was it just the shock?

Next time he starts to tantrum, don't engage, just gethim in the buggy, do what you need to do, and leave when you are ready. Oh and ignore everyone staring

I wouldn't continue ignoring him for long, once he has calmed down I would move on from it so he knows tantrums = no attention, being good = positive attention and praise. HTH

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 19/01/2009 16:59

ignore him

pick him up and leave, go somewhere where there is nobody, put him down and wait, silently, for him to calm down

or you could do what I sometimes did and wibble his lips so he makes a waa-waa-waa sound. Or start singing The Sun Has Got His Hat On. Or scream along with him. Or tell him he's not doing it right and he needs to bang his fists on the floor and roll over, while yelling "IT'S NOT FAAAAAAAAAIR"

I'm not sure those are any more effective than ignoring and stepping over them to get stuff but I tell you something, they help you to keep yourself calm (and amused )

cory · 19/01/2009 17:04

What Sammy said.

Also, why are furious with an 18-month old for tantrumming? Normal behaviour, surely? Part of what you take on when you have a child.

A small hint: if getting him in the buggy is difficult because he arches his back, wait for when he draws breath and then push into his stomach. Experience speaking

ilovelovemydog · 19/01/2009 17:05

I take it he was kicking and screaming?

DD has done this a few times in public -- I don't comment. Just put her in her buggy, and strap her up.

Although once, mid tantrum, asked her if was going to be a long one or short one. She stopped and said, 'short one', screamed for a few more seconds, and then was normal again

StayFrosty · 19/01/2009 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory · 19/01/2009 17:07

You can practise your toddler-handling grips, StayFrosty, until you get the better of her. Watch for the relaxation of the stomach muscles, that's the moment to push. And then- straps on quick as lightning!

SammyK · 19/01/2009 17:12

rofl at these toddler into buggy tips, I know them well

The first tantrum is always scary and seems to come from nowhere, but you do have to rememebr they are normal and they will mostly grow out of them

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 19/01/2009 17:19

oh yes. Taking a HUGE breath and blowing hard into their face/up the nose works fantastically well! They shudder and loosen up and you take that second to swoop in and bend 'em into the pushchair!

Or tickle them it is IMPOSSIBLE to be ticked and keep yourself stiff.

Of course, they HATE you for that - especially if you make them laugh

StayFrosty · 19/01/2009 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

giantkatestacks · 19/01/2009 18:32

To be fair though the post office is a good place for the first one as mine is generally full of nutterspeople shouting to themselves and swearing anyway...last week one of them stood so close behind me muttering stuff that i could feel his breath on my neck...ugh.

I would do as others said - calmly put him/shove him ahem into the buggy and then ignore until he has calmed down.

It can help the way you talk to them as well - say that you understand its annoying that he cant push the buggy etc would he like to do it outside blah.

Laughing at them is quite good as well as is wearing a defiant look of 'that childs nothing to do with me - never seen it before in my life' etc

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 19/01/2009 18:35

oh god yes, giant! When in the hellhole post office, I have quite often felt like throwing myself down and having a tantrum! Who hasn't?

chipmonkey · 19/01/2009 18:54

Tickle thei tummies to get them to relax into the buggy!
We Have All Been There!

Original poster

bumbly · 19/01/2009 21:35

thanks girls been pretty low all eve about this

thought of having a badly behaved boy form now on is making me sick to my tummy

couldn't put him in pram btw from sheer force of him objecting!!!

OP posts:

chipmonkey · 19/01/2009 21:42

But he's not a badly behaved boy! He's just a toddler who doesn't have the vocabulary to say what he wants, even though he has a lot to say! So he occasionally and I stress occasionally will throw a strop! He is still your gorgeous boy underneath all that.

Original poster

bumbly · 19/01/2009 21:45

but he threw it so suddenly wasn't even gurmpy a sec before

most odd

been reading average two a day!!!! for a toddler

is that really true????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

OP posts:

Original poster

bumbly · 19/01/2009 21:45

but he threw it so suddenly wasn't even gurmpy a sec before

most odd

been reading average two a day!!!! for a toddler

is that really true????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

OP posts:

cory · 19/01/2009 21:46

ah, now here is another good tip (and I sincerely hope you'll never need this one, ladies):

if you are dealing with an older child- say 8 or 9- who is simultaneously trying to bite and kick you, the best thing is to get behind them and sit down on a chair while pinning their legs with one of yours and restraining one wrist with each of your hands- that way you can manoeuvre their jaws away from any part of your body if you're quick enough.

Just in case you should ever need to know...

Original poster

bumbly · 19/01/2009 21:47

god

OP posts:

IdrisTheDragon · 19/01/2009 21:49

Yes, it can be.

Original poster

bumbly · 19/01/2009 21:50

two a day every day???? for how many years??

not sure can take it

OP posts:

TheLorax · 19/01/2009 21:50

bumbly, none of mine ever tantrummed twice a day. They only tantrummed on special occasions and they had to be in full public view of a bunch of tutting grannies!

Leo9 · 19/01/2009 21:51

I think you need to take this much less seriously. Don't transfer this behaviour; if you think "oh he'll be badly behaved now" you are going to be so scared of that, that you'll end up coming down way, way too hard on him and making a huge fight of it and putting too much pressure on him which will only whip up situations.

I suggest reading "toddler taming" by Christopher Green which is very good at bringing home the fact that ALL children do this.

Also good at helping you realise what is normal behaviour.

You're obviously reading stuff already re the tantrums and it's great you are here for advice; Basically I think you need to do a little research into child development; because this is so normal, I can't tell you and you will be just fine so long as you have one or two strategies up your sleeve.

Leaving was perfect IMO, but I wouldn't punish a child for having a tantrum, certainly not at this age, by withdrawing your attention AFTER the tantrum is over. All you want is the tantrum over, then you change the mood. They can't do that alone and need your help.

And remember YOU can't end tantrums; only they can do that. Take the pressure off and don't panic

CarrieBo · 19/01/2009 21:58

Aww bless you. My gorgeous dd started tantrums at 18m and I phoned my mum for advice who said 'gosh, how advanced, she's not even 2 yet' so just feel proud at having such and advanced ds!
Dd went through a phase of a few weeks of tantrums then suddenly had a language explosion and was more easily able to tell me what she was trying to say with words. I found that an audience made them worse, she was calming down from one (I was ignoring her) one time when someone came to the door and with a fresh audience she started up again. Out in public is hard though, especially when the buggy becomes hard to push coz they're leaning so far out of it! Good luck

Joolyjoolyjoo · 19/01/2009 21:58

I always play to the crowd! I act very calm, catch the gawpers' eyes and roll mine, while smiling nonchalantly, like it is no big deal. depending on the situation, I'll say to offending child "let me know when you are finished," and carry on with whatever I am doing or I'll pick 'em up under one arm, kicking and screaming, and carry on my conversation "yes, that was a pound of mince- oh, and could you throw in a few sausages too"

I don't really feel calm, but I see the humour in the situation, and that kind of diffuses it, I find. Gawpers People aren't nearly so interested when they see you are not phased (or pretending to be!! )

dd2 is a real hothead, and once came at me with an umbrella in Argos, when I told her it was time to leave. It took all my strength not to pmsl, especially at the horrified looks of the onlookers.

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