first tantrum in post office - advice next time this happens

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so out of character from my little one - wanted to push pram so said no but do you want a snack and then he went mental but i mean mental as if was another child so much so that i could not even put him in pram....he was violently shaking screaming and THRUTCHING extremely streongly..everyone looked at me and it was sooooooo embarassing

had to leave post office there and then

what do i do next time this happens

am so angry with little one as he is a very well behaved boy generally

so i told him in stern words i do not like that behaviour

he is 18 months but he does understand!

now wants my attnetion and am denying it - is that wehat i shouyld do

am furious

Jooly's approach sounds immaculate

Haha, am loving this thread! So glad others physically restrain their children too! And Cory-I have had to learn that technique too . Sadly my approach isn't nearly as good as yours though Jooly!

Avoid it ahppening again - keep him strapped into his pushchair when in shops or anywhere he can hurt or damage something.

For example, my children didn't know for years that they could walk around a supermarket. They thought all children had to be in trolleys, strapped in. By the time they were old enough to realise otherwise, they were old enough to behave slightly more reasonable.

If you ALWAYS ignore a tantrum you won't get anything like 2 a day. Once they realise they don't have any effect they soon stop. Trouble is that if the tantrum works (and they get what they wanted/attention) even once, it's always worth another try.

My top tip for dealing with the embarrassment of a public tantrum is to use the relaxation breathing exercises they taught you at ante-natal classes. Precious little use (to me anyway) in labour, but great for pretending you couldn't care less in the supermarket!

sameagain on Tue 20-Jan-09 09:28:51
"If you ALWAYS ignore a tantrum you won't get anything like 2 a day. Once they realise they don't have any effect they soon stop. Trouble is that if the tantrum works (and they get what they wanted/attention) even once, it's always worth another try."

That depends on the temper of the child, Sameagain. And on whether they are having tantrums to achieve something or if they genuinely get so upset they can't stop themselves.

We never gave in to dd's tantrums but she still had a lot of them. Same with my brother. Never gave him any joy and did cause a certain amount of physical damage to himself, but he still couldn't stop himself.

(In fact, dd was still having them at the age of 9. bit unusual this, but there were special circumstances; she was upset about other things)

i used to announce in a loud, assertive (not shouty!) type voice:
"ARE YOU HAVING A PADDY IN TESCO/THE POST OFFICE/THE PARK????"

Always used to stop my dd in her tracks.

Didn't use it every time, ofcourse.

Ignoring is best imho.

You've had great advice here.
Best tanrtum I ever had to deal with was my DD, in the middle of (pedestrianised) street falling on the floor because I wouldn't carry her.

Put her on buggy seat(one on the back as dd2 was in the buggy), she slithered off
Put her back on again, she slithered off and then stopped screaming, took a deep breath and yelled at the top of her voice

YOU'RE HURTING ME AGAIN, STOP HURTING ME, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HURT ME

I turned my back (handy hint, do this in front of a window so you can see their reflection but they can't see you watching) and then realised the window was full of horrified elderly shoppers...oh yes, it was the M+S cafe!

Watch for triggers and avoid them is the best advice I have had, so if you know they are going to be tired/hungry get them in teh buggy or have a box of raisins with you to hand over before they lose it.

Oh yes, a vote for the raisins!

I perversely quite enjoy (ed) the tantrums - comments re: playing the crowd do spring to mind. There's very few times you KNOW as a parent that youre doing the right thing, but ignoring tantrums is one of your safest bets. And I do like to scandalise the old ladies

aww- i remember the first- bit of a shock isn't it!
My DS was around the same age and for a few weeks we could have one or two a day- it was like a switch had gone on.... then it calmed down a bit and he got some words and we found better ways to manage things (would seconf the Chris Green book). Now they are much less frequent. Still had an almightly loosing it on floor of John lewis situation a few weeks ago though! And a very sypathetic older bloke merely smiled at me and said "don't worry it gets better when they're 18"!

oh my god only 2 a day?????? my ds has at least 5 a day . he doesn't do it for attention though so ignoring them doesn't seem to be having an effect as yet. he does it because he's a bad tempered bugger very determined and spirited little boy

i ignore and praise him once he's calmed down. think the baby whisperer had some good advice on tantrums, it's about teaching them to manage their emotions better so allow them to explode and feel angry but praise them for finishing and becomming calm.

cory I totally agree with that - no matter what your approach, IMO most kids will still have the odd tantrum; because in many cases as you point out the child is not throwing themselves about in order to manipulate but purely and simply because they are literally overtaken with emotion; literally 'beside themselves' as in, no longer in control.

I had to laugh recently ..my DD sometimes gets in a state, we practise deep breathing and counting to ten to stop crying. Last week I was in a pregnant hormonal teary heap on the sofa..cue DD :'Mummy, you MUST take a deep breath and count to ten, then you can stop crying.' I wanted to to bawl 'But I don't WANT to stop crying!!' but realised this would make her (3 years) more mature than me(24)