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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

learning an instrument - what's your position on practising?

54 replies

elliott · 15/01/2009 22:18

ds1 is just 7 and has started to learn the guitar (his choice of instrument, my idea that he might like to start one now).
We are running into a lot of resistance to practice, and I'm worried that this is going to put him off. On the one hand, I don't think there is any point learning an instrument if you don't practise, but on the other I wonder if I have unrealistic expectations?
I don't know whether to:

let him carry on having lessons but not do any practice (but then he will make very slow progress)
stop the lessons and wait until he is a bit older before we try again (but then am I letting him get the idea that you just drop these things?)

-be stricter about insisting on practice? And if so how without it becoming a point of conflict? I mean the last thing I want is for him to feel forced and turned off, but on the other hand I do think that there's not a lot of point in doing it without practice.

OP posts:

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Set a reminder

WilfSell · 15/01/2009 22:21

Mym DS started with guitar and now piano. My attitude is to ask him what the teacher says he should do. He accepts that more than what I say!

But I don't always force it. I wanted him to want to play but reminded him he needed to practice to play more tunes.

His guitar teacher is great - she encouraged him to write his own 'songs' and improvise and he really likes that.

Now he's a bit better, he recognises he doesn't make progress if he doesn't practice. I probably try to insist 2-3 times a week esp at the weekend. Definitely don't push it everyday.

SwedesInACape · 15/01/2009 22:21

Insist. I think he will get more joy out of his instrument and be more likely to practise when he begins to feel he is making progress.... but he won't make progress without practising.

WilfSell · 15/01/2009 22:22

I mean I don't push it everyday - you should do what you think best!

My main issue is that I don't want it to be a chore, I want it to remain something he enjoys.

SwedesInACape · 15/01/2009 22:24

I insist on every day.

Hulababy · 15/01/2009 22:24

6y DD had her very first piano lesson today. We have told her she must practise 10 minutes every school day - so 5 times a week. Her tutor suggests small amount sof regular practise.

It is actually linked to her pocket money. As she is so keen at present it shouldn't be an issue anyway. 10 mins practise, no fuss = 15p towards pocket money for the week. The ther 15p per day comes from homework done no fuss.

Original poster

elliott · 15/01/2009 22:28

hmmm. how old were yours when they started? I worry that I have started too soon and it will all backfire. He is not very emotionally mature. He is generally resistant to structured activities - swimming lessons, football, etc - such that its often a pain to get him along to them, but he does enjoy them once he gets there.
I don't know, I veer wildly between laissez faire and thinking it would be soft to give up so soon.
Problem is the last couple of times I've tried to get him to do it its been like pulling teeth and I can feel myself getting really angry and frustrated which clearly not a good thing.
This week we have told him he has to do it without a fuss, 3 times during the week at times of his choosing. If that doesn't work I'll tell him next week we will tell him when to do it.

OP posts:

MrsGrouchoMarxMerryHenry · 15/01/2009 22:29

Children should practise until their fingers bleed. How else are you going to create a Little Mozart?

dylsmum1998 · 15/01/2009 22:29

my ds is having guitar lessons, i don't force him to practise although i encgourage and suggests every so often he may want to get his guitar out.
he has his own acoustic guitar and keeps saying he wants an electric one, i have told him this is out of the question until he practices more on the one he has now though

MrsGrouchoMarxMerryHenry · 15/01/2009 22:29

If it's any encouragement, many pro musicians hate practising - I heard it from the very mouth of the amazing Wynton Marsalis.

Original poster

elliott · 15/01/2009 22:31

But what if they are NOT keen? I did say last time that I wasn't going to sit and cajole him, and if he didn't practice we would stop the lessons. It hasn't worked yet this week!
I don't think we could manage every day. In fact its quite hard to find 3 slots in the week - what time do you find works best?

OP posts:

MrsWeasley · 15/01/2009 22:33

when my DS first started learning the guitar(aged 7) it was the "getting it out and putting it away" that put him off practising. So I got him a stand to keep it on so that he didnt have to keep putting it in the bag/case.

He still only managed 2 or 3 times a week and only for a 10 minutes at a time.

pointydog · 15/01/2009 22:37

My position is that it's up to them. I'll remind them once or twice a week if I remember. During the spells of frustration, I'll try to be encouraging and I do make it clear that if they are really not enjoying it they can quit.

We have a pleasant relaxed attitude to homework and music practice (apart from teh occasional meltdown natch). We're lucky with the dds. They just get on with things and stick at them. For now

dylsmum1998 · 15/01/2009 22:37

my ds goes through phases where he practises loads then not at all. i don't stress over it i go with the flow, its a hobby i don't want to turn it into a stressful experience. for me i see it as something fun for hm to do. as he goes to breakfast/afterschool club 3 times a week it is not feasible for him to practise everyday as it is often 6pm befre we get in and he has to have dinner/shower/time to relax.
not to mention readin and homework.
its on the weekends if we arent doing other things he tends to get the guitar out and play on his own accord

WilfSell · 15/01/2009 22:37

DH is also learning guitar at same time. This is helping the practice a bit... they play together sometimes, talk about the band they're gonna be in when DS grows up [WTF? When DH is 64? ] and there's just a teeny tiny bit of competition between them which works for DS1...

pointydog · 15/01/2009 22:38

like your style, dyl

SwedesInACape · 15/01/2009 22:41

Oh fgs you are all a bunch of softies. My son's piano lesson costs £16.50 a week for half an hour. It would be obscene to pay that and not practise in between.

dylsmum1998 · 15/01/2009 22:41

pointydog, love the approach
did you see we posted remarkably similar posts at exactly same time

thumbwitch · 15/01/2009 22:46

Some practice does need to be done. I started piano lessons at 7, and, as with all my homework, I was very lazy at practising. But whenever I was threatened with losing the lessons, I would beg and plead and promise to practise more. This would last a while and then revert.

I had lessons until I was 15, attained Grade 7 level although never took the exam and am a competent but not good pianist. I might have been much better if I had practised, I might not - I'll never know. But it is a source of great happiness to be able to play something when I want to, and in fact when I stopped the lessons I started to play stuff of my own choosing and probably played more then.

My DH also had piano lessons early, didn't practise much, they were stopped - and then he took up the guitar because he wanted to be Axl Rose. So he practised endlessly (being Axl Rose) and is a pretty good guitarist, 6 string and bass. His piano skills are still there but a bit basic.

My bro wanted to play the guitar at that age, my mum said he could start with piano lessons and if he did ok he could go on to the guitar. He didn't want to do piano so did no practise and the teacher actually asked mum if he could stop going cos he never improved! Stubborn git. So he never got his guitar lessons either.

not sure if I have any advice as such, but hope some of my experiences help!

pointydog · 15/01/2009 22:50

yes, dyl

ahem. I am not a softy. My dds are talented and dedicated and I think our approach helps. They are very good at their music, especially considering they get a 20 minute free lesson once a week with a couple of other children who often faff about.

dylsmum1998 · 15/01/2009 22:54

i am not a softy either, my dc have some expectations they have to do certain things, but a musical instrument is their choice it is not compulsory.
my ds plays very well (to my untrained ear)
he plays as well as the other children in his group. the tutor says he is progressing well

cat64 · 15/01/2009 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tangarine · 15/01/2009 23:02

Ds2 is 7 and started violin about 3 months ago (his choice). He practises for 5 minutes every school night (he sets the timer on the oven ). We do it as soon as he gets home. His lessons are on Saturday afternoons, so he doesn't practise at weekends. Ds1 is 11 and has been playing violin since he was 9. He does 20 minutes a day, but at school so I don't have to nag unless it's the holidays.

MrsGrouchoMarxMerryHenry · 15/01/2009 23:10

Tangarine - 5 mninutes? Softy! Turn his little fingers to ribbons!

(very impressed you've got him in the habit of little and often at that age - I was very irregular with my violin practice as a child)

Acinonyx · 15/01/2009 23:13

I'm always nonplussed by these threads. Is it really normal to cajole dcs to practice? I learned (to very varying degrees) 4 instruments while growing up. No-one ever asked about practice (or ever asked about homework either for that matter).

I'm with pointy and dyls.

thumbwitch · 15/01/2009 23:17

Acninonyx, but did you DO your practice and homework without being cajoled/asked?

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