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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

my 3yr old is a wet noodle

41 replies

yesballgames · 12/01/2009 19:54

although she thinks i mean a wet poodle.
She was always very outgoing and confident and sociable but the last few months have seen a change... she now gets shy with people she even knows well..and trying new things is awful. I have taken her to gym class and ballet and both were a disaster - not trying anything, clinging on to me while all the other kids jump about happily....
I thought at first it was a reaction to life with new sister (now 10 months) but now i think we just have a real drip - she never wants to put on clothes (major battleground) and would be happy to stay in all day (with me preferably - has anti-daddy days). hates walks or adventures. What a wet blanket!
I was a real tomboy and very boisterous so I cant understand this b'or.
My tack is to support her and gently encourage but I am often finding myself losing paitience and getting frustrated. Tho i try not to show this too much (except with the clothes war).
I dont think anything bad has happenned to her (after all i am with her constantly - unless i am the bad thing - except for 2 mornings at pre school to which she reluctantly goes).
Please tell me its a phase?
Or whats a good approach to get her to step outside of her comfort zones?????
I am feeling rather trapped and maddened although she is still excellent company and my beloved of course etc . ta x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Fillyjonk · 12/01/2009 20:02

first things first

she is your daughter

she is not you

mazzystartled · 12/01/2009 20:04

to which i would add

give her a break

she's only 3

and you pushing her out of her comfort zone is likely to have the inverse of the effect you hope for

MinkyBorage · 12/01/2009 20:05

your post implies that you have actually called her a 'wet noodle' to her face! Fgs, this is no way to talk to a child. Stop being such a cow!

ilovelovemydog · 12/01/2009 20:06

She's shy, that's all.

WhatFreshHellIsThis · 12/01/2009 20:08

If it's a change in her behaviour, it's almost certainly a phase. I would just ride it out and let her do things in her own time.

My son takes a while to 'warm up' to new situations, but with lots of reassurance he's off playing like the rest of them. Some children just need more support at some times than others.

dustyteddy · 12/01/2009 20:08

Nothing wrong with her, give her time to develop her personality. Love her for who she is.

Habbibu · 12/01/2009 20:10

I think you need to be very very careful that you don't do anything to further dent her confidence. It's really sad to read things like "What a wet blanket!". She will be picking up on these things. You have to accept that maybe she just isn't going to be like you, and that that's equally valid and ok. Yes, sometimes you'll all do these adventurous things together, but I'd lay bets that she'd enjoy them more without a weight of expectation on her shoulders...

Habbibu · 12/01/2009 20:12

Thing is, at that age I'd have hated gym class and ballet - I was quite a distant child, happy with my own company, blah blah, but turned in to a perfectly sociable adult - some people just get to their own "social level" at different ages.

sherby · 12/01/2009 20:14

'but now I just think we have a real drip'

MinkyBorage · 12/01/2009 20:15

yeah, my first thought was !

Original poster

yesballgames · 12/01/2009 20:16

I guess I knew all that. And the harsh comments are noted. I would never berate her for her shyness, just tease her gently sometimes ...but like I say, I try to support her in her shyness. I think I just wanted to write about it in the hope of unburdening a worry. I know she is normal and wonderful. Am going thru a hard patch at the mo with tiredness and a demanding baby too.I see that I wrote that to see it written down and I appreciate your reality check (tho now feel awful of course!!). over and out.

OP posts:

MinkyBorage · 12/01/2009 20:16

oh god, I'm a div, it's yesballgames first post too, I hate getting taken in by these!

MinkyBorage · 12/01/2009 20:17

oops, sorry, so you're not onwe of them then!

thegreatescape · 12/01/2009 20:19

Is this for real? You are frustrated because your daughter hasn't got the same personality as you so you call her names? Nice.

Maybe she's insecure because she has the impression her mum doesn't like her very much?

kormachameleon · 12/01/2009 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

geraldinetheluckygoat · 12/01/2009 20:22

i think that 3 is too young for structured groups like gym and ballet. I am booking my ds into gym when he turns four, and he is not at all shy but in new situations can have a wobble. Even at four im prepared for the possibility that he will bolt at the door. If he does I will maybe take him back next week, maybe leave it for a few months, its no big deal - they have YEARS to go to this sort of thing!
I really think you need to accept that this is what she's like at the moment and go with it. Please dont call her "shy" or a "wet blanket" in her hearing, it will only reinforce the behaviour and she will grow up believing this is what she is. Instead go over the top raving about how brilliant she is at the stuff she does like.

Habbibu · 12/01/2009 20:22

Maybe you should save this thread and reread it when impatience rises again. It's not unreasonable to worry about children being nervous in social situations, and if you're not that type, I suppose it can be hard to understand that it really is ok, and won't affect her future happiness.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 12/01/2009 20:22

Well, both my dd's went through "shy" phases, and I think your dd could very well be affected by her 10mth old sister. A baby is a novelty to a 3yo. A 10 mth old who is beginning to develop a personality and is probably mobile is far more of a threat. My 3yo was fine when ds was born, but when he hit 6 mths or so and started crawling/ becoming more of a "person" she started wetting her pants again, and became very clingy. This took 5-6 mths to pass!

I'm no expert, but I would be tempted to think that your dd is feeling a bit insecure and fragile atm, and what she needs is lots of love and affection from you to rebuild her confidence. If she doesn't enjoy gym/ ballet classes, leave it for now. there is plenty of time for her to get involved in these things later. Let her take things at her own pace, I would say.

sprogger · 12/01/2009 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain · 12/01/2009 20:27

My DS has whiny spells too and it is maddening - but just keep telling yourself, it's only a phase and it will pass.

dittany · 12/01/2009 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

yesballgames · 12/01/2009 20:32

please can i take back the wet blanket thing - i dont call her names!! and i also tell her she doesnt have to go to these classes if she doesnt want to - i am a total softy and dont take her to preschool often if she is being a bit sensitive - unlike most folk i know who take them 4 days a week regardless of how their LOs feel!!! Now I am getting defensive.
And what does it signify that I am a first poster?!

OP posts:

AnotherFineMess · 12/01/2009 20:35

Hope you haven't gone too far away, there's some good advice on here. I think the jokey tone you likely intended didn't quite come over, but don't feel too bad, you clearly love your DD.

I have a similar thing with my very, very sensitive DD - I was equally as shy apparenly, but have worked hard to grow out of it!

I think that my advice would be to develop the things that she enjoys, rather than trying to guide her into things that you tihnk would be good for her. If she is showing that she is a very sensitive little girl, maybe she is very creative, appreciates music, art, or is good at caing for things/people? If you heap praise on her for her good points, and learn to enjoy the things she prefers, I'm sure that you'll both have lots more fun together.

You could also have a look here to see if this makes sense.

treedelivery · 12/01/2009 20:36

I felt a bit frustrated by my dd whenI was signing her up for this and that when actually all she wanted to do was stay home and play with me. We only made made her do a new thing twice [tried a few play mornings and ballet and swimming] and then that was it no more if it didn't suit, but looking back even that was completely for me and not for her.
They are the person they are, they go from being a fairly portable thing that has to go along with you to being another human who lives in your house with personality and preferences.
Give it a year and maybe gently try again, and we are thinking our dd would enjoy less overwhelming more individual things like music lessons or out doors stuff like cycling with a friend in the park. Actually when I think of it I hate walking into a church ahll group and having to gell!

Habbibu · 12/01/2009 20:37

ybg - people come and troll on here - i.e. post deliberately inflammatory posts in order to get a reaction. These posts are usually the first posts of a particular username, and piss people off. If you happen to post something which in hindsight might have been better worded, people may think you're a troll. No point arguing, tbh - just keep posting as a sane person, and the matter will drop.

Also, people will often not read the whole thread, but will just reply to your original post. There is, tbh, no point in getting too defensive about it - it's the nature of a huge internet forum. Take the useful advice, and don't get into a fight unless you really like a scrap.

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