difficult 15 mth baby- I need to vent

[moneli]

My ds has always been an 'emotional' baby, never placid, but recently things seem to be getting worse and worse. It's probably just his age and it could be teething but it's driving me slightly mad with frustration. After months of going to sleep easily at night he's started really playing up at bedtime and naptime. We tried cc-ing and after a few nights it worked and he started going to sleep easily for about a week, but now he seems to have forgotten how to do that again and just screeches at bedtime. If we stay in with him when he goes to sleep he wakes up as soon as we leave and we're back at stage one, so we pretty much control cry every night which doesn't feel nice. He also wakes up crying (where he used to wake up babbling happily). We had friends round today with their babies (3 x same age) and while they all seemed to play nicely and keep themselves entertained my ds was OK for about an hour or so but then just 'lost it' and was crying and wanted to be picked up, but then wanted to be put back down and basically didn't know what he wanted. Every situation like this I find myself making excuses for him (he's teething, he's hungry etc) because I feel slightly embarrassed to admit this is just what he's like. I have lots of help; my dh hasn't gone back to work yet since Christmas but is that always a help? We agree we're going to stick to the routine, kind of ride this behaviour out, but then when putting ds to bed dh takes almost an hour and a half trying to cajole him to sleep. Isn't consistency important?? When he's not crying or angry ds is lovely; very bright and sociable and cuddly and chatty. It's just that he's emotionally all over the place. I guess this is normal for babies who have always been a bit more demanding than others but please tell me it'll get easier! BTW his routine is wake up around 6.30am, nap 12 - 2.30, bed 7 - 7.30

Is he very tired come 7/7.30? Perhaps he needs a later bedtime to help him drop off quickly?

Also around this age toddlers can become very clingy so maybe he just needs more reassurance from you for a while. It is probably a phase but it can be hard.

It depends; sometimes he's obviously very tired but still battles sleep and other times he doesn't seem so tired. Have considered later bedtime but thought if he's up by 2.30 from his nap a 7.30 bedtime would be reasonable? It can be hard to tell too as he gets more and more hyperactive the more tired he gets and if we miss the 'window' the bedtime upset can get worse.

I think he does need reassurance and I enjoy giving him lots of cuddles and affection. It's just that so often I feel like I spend my time with him 'fire fighting' instead of being able to relax with him.

Thats toddlers for you, they are exhauusting! I'm sure your ds is just going through a phase but it won't last forever I think 18 months can be the peak for this type of behaviour so hopefully he will soon start to get better. My dd had severe separation anxiety at 9 months which went away after a couple of months but she has become rather whingey/clingy recently....it will pass and then something else will come to replace it

Thanks biskybat- no one ever said motherhood was going to be easy did they!?

Maybe bring his bedtime earlier?. 7.30 seems quite late to me for a 15month old.

Get him checked out at gps too. My dd had a lot of ear infections (at this age) and this affected her sleep and clingyness in the day deffo.

Also if you are going down the cc route, I'd stop spending an hour cajoling him to sleep.
Do the bedtime routine,bath, milk, stort etc then give him a kiss and say night. Then leave the room. Before ypu start the cc process...

I think if you're going to do CC then consistency is really important.

You really can't spend an hour cajoling him to sleep then leave him to cry for an hour - it's too hard on you, and probably confusing for him. I should think he's probably fighting to stay awake when you're in the room to prolong your time together, knowing that once you go he'll be left to cry.

moneli - just wanted to add that when they hit 4 they suddenly become much more reasonable. Does that seem a long way off? My three year old is a bit of a monster. I feel like it's my fault - he's my youngest, a surprise baby, and I'm enslaved to him. I just adore him so much and I've been so knackered that I've failed to create sensible boundaries. That said, now he's starting to understand the 'rules' of family life a bit better I can see the clouds starting to clear. And I'm now missing the intensity of our early relationship!

Thanks Princessmel - I had already decided to take him to Drs next week as he has eczema (cos of the cold weather) which we're treating with E45 on his face and oilatum and hydroc on his body, but his face still seems pretty bad. Had read up on ear infections while researching his behaviour so thought it would be a good idea to get it checked out. Interesting what you say about his bedtime. I think I really need to spend a few days observing him. Until about 2 weeks ago he'd go for a late morning nap (say 11.30) and might sleep up to 3 hours and then go to bed around 7, but now he's lasting longer in the day (has lunch at 12 and then goes down about 12.30). I then worry about letting him sleep for 3 hours and tend to get him up by 2.30 thinking that way he'll be tired again by 7 to 7.30. Maybe I should let him sleep longer during the day if he needs it? But then won't that be too close to a 7 o'clock bedtime? I think I've got in such a pickle about it all it's impossible to be intuitive.

Dh back to work next week so ds and I can get back into 'our' daily routine and maybe things will settle down again a bit...

Thanks also tittybangbang. I agree about consistency and so does dh. I think last night dh just couldn't cope with more crying, having had a lot of it during the day, during bath time and getting dressed for bed. Wish he hadn't taken so long getting ds to sleep but sympathise with him as we both just felt so stressed out.

4 does seem a long way off - also really don't want to wish the time away as when he's not being difficult it's really magical to watch ds learn and start to understand stuff. It's all just so up and down all the time. I do start to wonder whether ds's behaviour is in any way my fault, but keep telling myself that it's just partly his character and partly a stage of development he's going through.

Your routines sounds the same as dd2 who is also 16mths, but i find she is ready for and asking for bed by 6/6.30pm.

She up between 6 6.30am

Lunch about 11.30/12pm

Then sleeps until 2.45pm (have to wake her up then as i need to get dd1 from school).

dinner is between 4.30 and 5pm.

If she being bathed that day then she in bed by 6.30pm

my ds was such an over sensitive emotional baby. very very grumpy and easily tipped over the edge, he had a very short fuse (still does in some ways). just wanted to sympathise really. my 17 month old was pretty awful to be around for the first 10 months, i'd be in tears every day. his one redeeming feature was that he slept at night! was a bloody nightmare getting him to nap though, grrrrrrr.

i agree with lizzie, do you think he could be over tired? my ds only cut down to one nap reliable about a month ago.

he wakes at 6am, has breakfast,
nap at 11am- 1pm when he wakes for lunch, tea at 5pm,
ready for bath at 6, bed at 6:30pm straight to sleep within seconds.

please please don't blame yourself for his temprament. i did the same for months and it is only torturing youself. you are not doing anything wrong, some babies are just hard work and super sensitive. it has it's rewards in many ways, especially as he's getting older. hang on to my theory that babies like this are just frustrated and clever! he knows what he wants and lets everyone know it. my ds is still very intense, when he's happy he's a total joy to be around, lights up a room but his mood can tip at the drop of a hat!

do you have a bedtime routine in place so he gets tired signals ie. bath, massage, milk, bed??? i found it essential as my ds never wound down, just gets more hyper and almost tantrums when he's tired so can not switch off himself, i have had to give him clear sleep signals from him being about 8 weeks old and stick to it and i always put his fab sleeping down to this (and a truck load of luk of course!).

meant to say, after ds bath i take him upstairs to his darkened bedroom, dry him, quick massage with baby lavendar lotion, dress him, give him his milk all in the dark. i find that to help him settle himself i have to remove all stimulation so he can 'switch off'. any stimulation and he's wide awake and off to explore again discovered this very early on with him so always stick to keeping the lights down after his bath and it works for us.

Thanks both, maybe it is over tiredness because the afternoons are always worse than mornings, after he wakes up/is woken up from his nap. And he has also had the same bedtime routine since he was about 9 weeks old - bath, milk, stories and cuddle, then bed. I think because we've been doing this so long and just recently it seems not to be working dh and I have lost confidence. During the night he wakes often (maybe 4 or 5 times). Never for long enough that we need to go in and settle him, but quick bursts of crying and then he settles himself back to sleep again. Like your ds meandjoe, mine is the life and soul of the party, very gregarious and sociable but when he's had enough boy do you know it. I get the feeling he's really frustrated at being a baby and just wants to be able to do things and talk. Thanks for all the support though. MN is really a lifeline to make you feel bit normal again when you're convinced you're the only one going through this stuff.

Our DD's (2yo)sleep was always more disturbed when teething and we used homeopathic teething powders (controversial I know) which did calm her when awake. The sleeping we just had to ride out but I think these things go in phases (she's going through another phase now so..)

you're deffinitely not alone! my ds was the most horrible tempered little baby. . i couldn't put him down, couldn't even put him in a pram, he screamed 80% of the day. tried cranial osteopathy along with a whole host of other magic remedies that did bugger all.

i litterally have no pictures of him smiling til he started to walk at 11 months he did smile before that but it was so fleeting that i never got photographic evidence! it was awful.

don't forget they all go through horrid sleep phases with teething/ sepaation anxiety/ developmental stages. my ds wouldn't go to sleep between 8 and 11 months, finally got it sorted around his 1st birthday. i always had to feed him to sleep til 12 months, he had no idea how to go to sleep or self soothe at all. it just happened one day after introducing a comfort blanket (took weeks to get attached to it though but might be worth looking into) and it was like magic!

We had a ventouse delivery so ds did have cranial osetopathy for first few months of his life and was then discharged, deemed 'cured'. It was such a period of enormous change anyway it's hard to tell if it worked or not. Do people really think it has a positive effect?

Meandjoe; we have the pram problem too (and the car seat problem and anything basically that restrains him problem). I have to take several deep breaths before tackling leaving the house and normally ply with him raisins to get wherever we have to go before he melts down.

He has started cuddling a teddy when he sleeps so hopefully that gives him some comfort during the night

he sounds so similar to my ds!!!! he still hates his carseat for more than 15 minutes, have to take a truck load of toys/ snacks to distract before daring to go anywhere! not too bad in the pushchair now, he does just sit and point things out to me but occassionally has a meltdown to get out, especially if in a shop and wants to reach for something. i think it shows that he wants to be independant and explore so i wouldn't worry! i have carried him for milkes when he was younger just cos he wouldn't go in the pram! much easier now he walks though as he will hold my hand for so long and walk quite far. how do you cope in the car?? it is something that we have never fully tackled!

p.s the cranial oseopathy did nothing for us but that's not to say it doesn't work for some. i had a very normal delivery, no complications at all (although his right arm was up as he was being born which ripped me a bit owwwwch! but didn't harm him).

If I'm driving I just have to ignore him, if dh is driving I become car clown, singing 'heads, shoulders, knees and toes' or 'if you're happy and you know it...' etc to try to keep him entertained. Wouldn't particularly recommend it as a successful tactic though (especially if you're as tuneless as me!)

lol! i am as bad! i end up having to just ignore him most of the time though as my distractions don't work! we tend not to go on long journeys unless we can somehow time it around him having 2 naps a day. one on the way there, one on the way home!

My DD is also a bit like this.

I tell myself its because she bright and frustrated by her current limitations

Cranil treatment did not work for us. In fact it sounds silly but I found that most of her "crossness" was simply a result of her being over tired and that something simple like a story, a bath or a stroll in the pushchair would calm her down.

Like your DC, she will play happily for an hour or so and then scream to be picked up, scream to be put down and so on and so on. She gets so tired or frustrated ? that she simply seems to not know what she wants anymore. she is only 12 months (next week) but has always been like this.

Sleep wise. For 5 months she basically never slept, or so it seemed. Since then she has slept 630pm - 630am with 2 hours nap at lunch and occasionally an hour in the morning (but realise your DC is older and will have dropped that morning one)

I once put her to bed at 530pm because she had got so cross and she still slept through until 630am! But maybe that was just luck. I dare not do that all of the time!

and yes I am car clown too, but even when driving (within reason)

My DH was laughing at me yesterday because on a half hour car journey with just me and DD I stopped 4 times to have to either give her a snack, pick up a dropped toy or just give her a cuddle as she hates being by herself just sat in the back.

i've got one of these. the good bits get better if you see what i mean. ditto everybody else and trying an earlier bed time.

it's really tough around friends when they are like this. i keep reminding myself that "proper" friends won't judge me or even care.

my car tip is a cd of nursery rhymes, but be prepared to think you will lose the will to live if you hear "the wheels on the bus" one more time.

I have a car cd of nursery rhymes (sent to me free by the ELC) but they involve me "having" to sing and dance.

My current favourite is "5 speckled frogs".

oh yes, forgot to mention that bit. the things no one tells you before you have a child!