Crying in her sleep

[mollymay]

My dd (aged 22 months) cries out in her sleep. It is very annoying because she sleeps in with us (I know "building a rod...blah blah..." and keeps waking me and my husband up. Does anyone have any experience of this? I don't know if she is uncomfortable, having a bad dream, needing cuddles, etc. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. She can't go in her own room yet because its not habitable!

My DD shares my bed as we only have one bedroom at the moment. Since she was about 2 (shes now 4) she has cried out in her sleep, laughed, screaming and even held quite sustained conversations with me. If she has seemed frightened I have held her until it passes. If she is saying something I try to join in, purely for my own amusement.

After the intial 6 months I brought earplugs as I'm afraid the novelty wore off. This largely works unless she has had a nightmare and wakes up and whacks me for a cuddle as I don't hear her asking.

I think that 'night terrors' start around 2 and that its quite common. I'm not sure if they are actual nightmares are how long they last. Sorry to not be more helpful, but I think that it might just be the age.

My ds (16 months) has always done this (it seems to come in phases, but it may actually be that sometimes I hear him, sometimes I don't !) I'm afraid I've found the only solution to be distance and earplugs

mollymay, I'd do everything humanly possible to make her room habitable - the quality of my sleep never improved until dd was in her own room. her grunts and little cries woke me constantly and I'm sure I woke her too.

mollymay, my son did this on and off for months (around age 2). I found it very upsetting, mainly because he seemed happy & fine during the day, so I couldn'tunderstand why he was crying at night, and worried he harboured dee unhappiness. He always seemed fine in the morning & hasn't done it for a while.

(I know you're not asking, but sleeping with her, at 22 months. Well, its just something I could never understand or consider. Neither of us would get a winlk of sleep for a start. I had the worst holiday last summer when I had to share a room with my 1 year old. I was so tired I could have put my head in the oven by the end of the fortnight!)

My ds (21mths)sleeps in his cot until about 1am then he's in beside us. We don't have the energy to force him into sleeping all night in his room, we're just too tired with work etc!!! ANYTHING for a few hours sleep.

He too cries in his sleep and last night we had a terrible tantrum!!! He was pointing into the corner of the room and screaming! He must have had a terrible nightmare. Like you Monkey, he's perfectly happy in the morning, greeting me with the biggest grins and cuddles!
I'm hoping it is just the age he's at, but he's done this for a while now, since he was about 8 or 9 months.

I'm going on a bit without making a point..... I s'pose I'm just saying that I don't think it's anything to be too concerned about coz, like most things with children it's usually just a phase! However, upsetting and tiring it can be..... yawn! I have also resorted to wearing ear plugs.

Here's hoping!!!

thanks for all your comments... I will have to invest in some ear plugs! Its a curious thing though, why some babies do this.

Monkey - I know what you're saying and I get a lot of stick from others but I suppose its just something you can either live with or you can't. I'm the same as mum2toby in that dd used to sleep in her cot but would wake up in the early hours and rather than nurse her back to sleep it was easier to put her in with us as she fell straight back to sleep.

Most nights (sad I know) I actually look forward to snuggling up to her and having her near me..(apart from when she kicks me in the back or punches me in the face..when she's asleep of course!.).

Mollymay - isn't it marvellous to say their smiling little faces looking right at you in the morning. DS lies awake for ages before I wake up properly and when I finally do he is SO happy to see me!!! And cuddling in during the night is so snug and secure. I know we should persevere, but it's very difficult and, like you, I've started to look forward to it.

mum2toby - I know! These mums that insist on separating themselves from their babies (no offence meant!) don't know what they are missing out on do they!

I've just been reading on the website about "night terrors" and I don't think that is what dd is having. DD just lets out a couple of crys and has a fidget around but it really makes you jump when you are asleep. Usually if I speak to her softly and give her a cuddle she is reassured. Apparently if she was having "night terrors" she wouldn't respond to this as they don't seem to recognise you. DD knows I am there and can be comforted but I was just wondering whether it was a bad dream she was having or whether she was just grumpy because my dh and I were getting in her way!!

My dh is particularly interested in what might be troubling dd as a couple of times he has got annoyed with her. I have a go at him saying that the poor love might be having a bad dream and then he feels bad!

I occasionally sleep with dd (2 yrs 8 mths) eg when she's ill, or if dh is away & she's having trouble settling, but I certainly didn't insist on separating her from me (she is a separate being..we're not joined at the hip! though we enjoy a close and loving relationship). Rather we both benefit from her having her own space - she sleeps virtually every night for a full 12 hours and I'm moments away from her if she needs me. I love looking at her when she's asleep - what mum wouldn't? - but also value her independence eg last night she did come in for a cuddle around midnight and after a few minutes of her tossing & turning in our smallish double bed I asked her if she wanted to go back to her bed and she nodded

As I said whats right for one person isn't right for another. I don't think that having your children in bed with you is the correct way or a better way than those who prefer not to. I was just saying that I get enjoyment from having dd in bed with me...I can't speak for her! As with most areas of childcare/mothering there always seems to be more than one way of doing things and its all about whats right for you....(sorry, getting off the points a bit vis a vis my original question!)

Mollymay - ds is normally like your dd, but last night it was really awful!! It sounds like he did have the 'night terrors' coz he was terrified of his Dad and he's usually such a Daddy's boy!!!!... I haven't read about that, but I shall now. Where did you see it?

Bundle - I don't think Mollymay meant that as a dig, just that sometimes people can be so obsessed with making their child sleep in their own room all night that they miss out on some of the benefits of co-sleeping. For a start, it's the safest and most reliable contraceptive out there, coz I make more room by chucking dp out to the spare room (he snores anyway)!!!!!!

Mollymay, it is worth considering that you may make all sorts of strange sounds when you sleep too. I guess if it's not night terrors it's human nature.

As soon as my DD was old enough to tell me I never heard the end of 'Mummy snore's' stories.

On the subject of sleeping in the bed. As I said we only have one bedroom. Neither my husband or I are good sleepers so turning the living room into a bedroom at night wouldn't be practical. DH often comes to bed at 6 am, for a number of reasons. Also the bedroom only has room for one wardrobe and one bed, so there was never anywhere to put a cot.

I breastfeed and it was always easier to have DD in the bed. My father is Thai and when I was growing up myself, brother or sister where often in ou parents bed. It was very much seen as the norm. It is a uniquely Western view that the child MUST have seperate sleeping quarters from the word go. At the moment although necessary, our sleeping arrangements aren't causing too many developmental problems, in that she is a normal healthy happy little girl. The only thing is she likes to cuddle alot when she sleeps which will be hard for her when the baby is born in October. God knows how we are going to cope then....

Anyway I would rather share the bed with my daughter than my husband anyday. She steals less blanket and takes up much less room.

I didn't take it as a dig. you're right, there are no right n wrongs in this whole business
just wanted to let you know about my experiences and how not co-sleeping has improved my life

Pie - I have often thought that it could be my 'noises'.... ahem..... honest I don't snore... that are disturbing ds. I might have to record it one night.

2 children in your bed!!!! My goodness, at least you'll never be cold at night. I am quite surprised that you managed to 'make' another baby with dd in beside you. Perhaps my contraception theory isn't so sound after all. However, I'd DEFINITELY prefer 2 kids rather than 1 dp (poor soul, I hope he never reads this).

bundle - sorry if I sounded defensive, I'm just used to very dispproving looks!!!

mum2toby. DH works from home (one of the reasons he comes to bed so late). I'm a SAHM who is occasionally a struggling writer. So with DD at full time nursery, there are no prizes for guessing how some days are spent

mum2toby - I just searched under "toddlers and night terror" and quite a lot came up, e.g. SleepDisorders.com. Apparantly it usually occurs in children from 3 to 6 yrs and is more common in boys than girls..perhaps your ds may just have woken up a bit disorientated and not recognised dh straight away if it was a bit dark?

pie - I totally agree that when the bed does feel a bit crowded its not dd that I think about moving out its DH!! Interesting theory re: noises. DH is a terrible snorer so it MUST be him that is disturbing her....I know I don't snore although DH laughs when I say that...!

With dd it certainly is the best form of contraception (like a little fence between you and dh!)...although it is going to become a bit of a problem as we are about to try for no.2!

pie - IKWYM re: disapproving looks, I kept pretty quiet about (still) breastfeeding once a day @ 23 mths!

Pie Sounds divine!! You can spend a whole day doing..... well YKWIM PLUS you don't even have to sleep in the same bed as him most of the time! PERFECT

Mollymay - Good luck with baby number 2. I would love to try for another. We said we would at the end of this year, but that was dependant on our financial situation. It's not looking promising. We can't afford 2 in childcare, yet we can't afford for one of not to work.. Catch 22. It's getting me down a bit!! Maybe we'll win the lottery tomorrow

DS cries out occasionally in his sleep and although he is in his own room it does wake us. But he generally carries right on sleeping so there is nothing to be done about it.

mum2toby - we are certainly not in a great position financially but the reason for going for it now is that my MIL has decided that she doesn't want to look after dd anymore so we have had to look for a childminder. We have found one at last but I had a nightmare trying to find someone I felt I could entrust my 'baby' with. I felt a lot of guilt and anguish and decided I would hurry up with no.2 and then go on maternity leave for a year..! Hopefully we will just get by financially. My age is a factor too...37 this year (old bird)!!

DD (10m)sleeps by herself, but we do often hear her cry out in the night over the monitor - she always settles herself , and is fast asleep if we do go in to see her. I still make noises in my sleep and have been known to have entire conversations with people. I don't remember any of it the next morning.
I don't think it really is a problem - apart from the fact you are being woken up - and for that I'd second the earplugs.

BTW - dd has always slept in her own room (I'm a cruel GF follower) but when dh is away I do bring her in to sleep with me. There is nothing so nice as being woken by having a little pudgy hand stroking your face.

Prufock

Oops... didn't mean to wink!! Just meant

so its not all doom and gloom when babies end up in with you at night....tuts, shaking heads and "building a rod..." from others makes you think you committed the greatest sin on earth or that you have "failed" in some way...but it definitely has its good points!

I think mollymay its just a case of everyone deciding what their priorities are - and it sounds as though you have done. I bring DS in with us when he's poorly but DH always makes a swift exit but tbh it is nice but DS is rarely poorly these days.