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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

does the relentless slog that is life with a toddler and baby get easier or do I just have to get used to it?

41 replies

deaconblue · 09/01/2009 11:11

Ds is 2.8, dd is 8m and everything feels like a struggle. From getting him dressed, to getting her to have proper naps and sleep through, everything is hard, hard work. Do I have to accept that life as a parent is just like this or can I expect things to get a bit easier when they get older?

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sunnygirl1412 · 09/01/2009 11:17

Yes, it will get easier as they get older. The issues will change, and there will be plenty of things that will make you want to tear your hair out, but it certainly isn't such a huge physical slog. Your dc's will develop new skills all the time, and many of these will make life a bit easier - instead of having to dress them, you will be able to give them a pile of clothes; instead of having to feed them, you'll be able to put their tea in front of them and they'll feed themselves (and the cat, and the carpet, and the table and their sibling's hair - but that's another issue). They'll go to playgroup, and you'll be able to whip round the supermarket on your own.

They'll even get to the teenage stage where it won't be getting them to go to bed that's the main issue - the difficulty is chiselling them out from under the duvet before midday!

And though yes, life as a parent is a struggle, it is also full of those moments when your child comes running up to you, throws their arms around you and tells you that you are the best mummy in the world - which you are.

idobelieveinfairies · 09/01/2009 11:17

It will get better shoppingbags..as they get older. I always found 18mths to 3yrs the hardest.

I always found getting them out of the house and going for a walk/park as early as possible in the monring helped, it tired them out so that when we got back they would sleep and i could rest/catchup on housework etc could this work for you?

elliott · 09/01/2009 11:17

It gets loads easier. I had a two year age gap and I can honestly say the first year of ds2's life was the toughest. Can't say what particular thing turned the corner but sooner than you know it the second one is out of nappies, pushchairs and wow life gets kind of fun again!
Things that kept me sane - goign out to work and therefore always having some childcare for ds1 even through maternity leave; helpful dh; being fairly tough on sleep training; making sure we got out of the house every day.
Don't despair!

samsonthecat · 09/01/2009 11:18

It does get easier honestly. Mine are almost 4 and 19 months now and I feel I am starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. How ever mine were both up being sick all night so I am knackered at the moment!

bohemianbint · 09/01/2009 11:20

only got one hand free, wanted to let you know you're not alone, have also been wondering this. A few people told me it was easier with two, they're either liars or I'm rubbish at this.

elliott · 09/01/2009 11:23

That 'easier with two' stuff MUST be rubbish, I mean come on!!! Even now they are 7 and 5 and I can really see the advantages of having two as they get such a lot from playing together, I still can't think that it is EASIER than if I only had one to think about!

samsonthecat · 09/01/2009 11:25

Its not easier with 2, no way. I'm typing with one hand while 2 poorly DDs sit on me!

Original poster

deaconblue · 09/01/2009 11:30

thanks everyone. I am lucky in that ds goes to nursery in the mornings so I do get some time to myself, but I go to bed every night with every bit of me aching, knowing dd will probably be up at some point and ds will wake between 5 and 6am, ready to start all the battles again.
I thought I would love every minute of being a SAHM, imagined it full of baking, painting and cuddles but in reality baking just makes a terrible mess as does painting and he's bored of both within minutes, and while the cuddles are plentiful and wonderful, the crappy nappies are also plentiful and less wonderful!

OP posts:

bohemianbint · 09/01/2009 11:35

What gets me (my boys are nearly 5 months and 2.5) is that I can just do anything. If I want a wee, I have to find safe (seperate) places to put them first, or take one with, and I find myself not going sometimes because I can't be arsed with the hassle. I get nothing done and the house is a shit tip.

jujumaman · 09/01/2009 11:36

How can it be easier with two? People who say that really annoy me. The first year of dd2's life was sheer misery, however, you just have to survive it.

Mine are now nearly 4 and 19 months and I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel as they have started playing together, which is heartbreakingly cute and does occasionally give me a five min break, though then I have to intervene when dd1 whacks dd2 over the head/they start fighting over a toy etc etc. I feel I am slowly getting my mojo back and starting to enjoy life (though not this week when dd2 is waking at 5am on the dot). I also think you do kind of get used to it, friends and family who join us for a day are always left reeling by the relentlessness of it all, which makes me feel better as I realise a) I am hardier than I thought and b) anyone would find this full onness hard going. The cold isn't helping, come better weather you can be outside more and it'll be loads easier.

backalleysally · 09/01/2009 11:36

I symathise completely. I have an 11 month old and a 3.4 year old and it's hard work. I'm just starting to find it a bit easier now.

Original poster

deaconblue · 09/01/2009 11:38

I know, I know. Dd crawls into the fireplace and plays with coals if I leave the room for seconds. She only ever crawls when I leave the room though, have never seen her move myself Sending dh to B and Q for fireguard at weekend as am sick of fishing her out of there.
Tried to have a (whispers) poo yesterday while ds ran in and out of the bathroom shouting "come and play Happyland, mummy, come on, come on". Am hoping 5 and 7 year olds won't do that, so at least there will come a time when I can crap in peace!

OP posts:

Original poster

deaconblue · 09/01/2009 11:39

btw, fire never on and coals are fake ones. Dd not in terrible fire danger

OP posts:

sunnygirl1412 · 09/01/2009 11:43

Ahh. When they are older, you will get to poo alone, but not necessarily in peace - sorry. You will still find your contemplations interrupted by questions of international significance, such as 'can I have a biscuit, mum?' or 'what's for tea?' - things which clearly can't wait for you to finish in the bathroom. However, they will be old enough to understand when you shout back, 'NOT NOW darling - ask me when I'm finished here!!'

Scarletibis · 09/01/2009 11:45

It does get easier - my 2 have the same age gap and the first year was the toughest time. Mine started interating from when dd2 was 9months and that was fab.

idobelieveinfairies · 09/01/2009 12:26

SUnnygirl...it will get easier with physical issues..lack of sleep/going out without a buggy.....but mentally it gets harder......teenagers are even harder....my brain aches more now that it ever did when they were all little.

It depends on the person though...my sister finds its hard with young ones, but i didn't, but do with the older ones.

Your life certainley changes when you have your children!

idobelieveinfairies · 09/01/2009 12:27

oh left a few words out there...!

i was meant to say...

sunnygirl is right....it will get easier.....

Pitchounette · 09/01/2009 12:36

Message withdrawn

StepfordKnife · 09/01/2009 12:45

The 21 month age gap between mine sent me spinning into clinical depression, when one was a baby and the other just turned 2....those were dark days

They are now 4 and 6 and it is a piece of piss comparatively.

It started to improve when the youngest turned 2 yrs 9 months at attended Pre-School

I just needed a small morsel of time to myself

elliott · 09/01/2009 13:24

I think that's why I find work a life saver - it does at least offer you more opportunities for time to yourself, at least in the preschool years.

I still don't buy the '2 easier than 1' bit, sorry. I know what you mean about children who need entertaining - ds1 would be a doddle as an only child whilst ds2 would be relentless - but I find we STILL have to spend a lot of time entertaining ds2, plus there is all the duplication of stuff like homework, remembering to organise playdates, double the risk of being woken at night or of having a sick child to deal with...and if we only had ds2, at least when he was out at his (many) playdates we'd be on our own!!

TheShipsCat · 09/01/2009 13:32

It's good to know it gets easier. I struggle daily with dd1 (3.0) and dd2 (8mo) and I was starting to wonder whether: a) life is really hard or b) I am really crap at this or c) I have some sort of illness which makes me incredibly tired and unable to cope with , frankly mundane problems. I decided it must be b). But if others are stuggling too, maybe life just is hard...

cory · 09/01/2009 13:36

How can it be easier with two- well, by the time you can leave dc1 in charge of dc2 while you slip to the shops. Hang on in there, your times will come!

elliott · 09/01/2009 13:36

If it is b) then I think we would all count as crap!

When I was on maternity leave with ds2 I use to count it as a good day if I hadn't blown my top (I mean REALLY lost it) with ds1 . It was horrible really.

HSMM · 09/01/2009 14:02

My DD is 9 and I think it's starting to get better now! ... but then ... she'll be a teenager soon .......

curlyredhead · 09/01/2009 14:23

Thank you for this thread - have just been wondering if life is going to be this hard for ever. I have a bigger age gap - dd1 is 4 and dd2 is 7 months... but so is dd3! (Twins, I mean...). Finding it the toughest it's been since the babies were born - they are desperate to be off and moving, want to be into everything and can't even sit up for long by themselves yet. Am just exhausted!

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