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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DW at home with our out of control 2.6 DS and 6m DD

43 replies

Rollingpapa · 06/01/2009 15:39

Helpful suggestions please. My wife is on the point of playing toss-the-toddler.

Background --

Me in office full-time, DW at home
Usual sleeps: 7.30pm - 7am, 1-3pm.
Responded badly to arrival of his DS, but starting nursery last Sept (a.m., Mon-Wed) certainly helped (restarts tomorrow).
Worked out how to climb out of cot last weekend, so we removed the sides, in hope that the novelty would wear off. Oh boy.

DW now cannot keep him in his room during post-lunch sleep time, which is when she gets things done. His favourite words are "No" and "Want" and he resists EVERYTHING.

Besides which, he is now disrupting our DD's sleep in the afternoons. Which is what most infuriates DW.

We have no TV, but have just started playing DVDs on laptop to shut him up.

Anyone else in the same spot? I know this is classic "Two-and-a-half" behaviour, but DW now feels she is a bad parent, that she has no authority with DS, and that she has completely lost control of the day (and night).

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Metatron · 06/01/2009 15:41

Stairgate on door? Does he need the sleep or could he maybe have some quiet time instead?

bronze · 06/01/2009 15:42

stairgate will keep him in his room but at his age he may just be growing out of having naps. My dd is and I hate this stage.
Her best bet is to put the baby down for its sleep upstairs and quiet and take the toddler downstairs with her and get himt o help. DDs current favourite game is take the wet washing out of the machine and put it in the dryer.
Yes its slower than normal but you'll be surprised how much you can do if you included them

rubyslippers · 06/01/2009 15:42

he may not need a nap

DS is 2.6 and will sometimes sleep but sometimes will lay on the sofa and chill
which is at least a compromise

fartmeistergeneral · 06/01/2009 15:43

maybe (and I know this is hard to bear) he doesn't need a sleep in the afternoon anymore?

I remember when mine stopped sleeping in the afternoon, I could have cried! What happened with mine is that they didn't need to sleep but got very tired and grouchy at tea time. I'm afraid it's just the way it goes. They gradually get used to it and adjust. Maybe he'll sleep later in the mornings as compensation!!

blowninonabreeze · 06/01/2009 15:47

I have an identical age gap and did have an identical sleep pattern. All of a sudden, one day DD1 decided not to nap anymore. She literally went from 2 hours sleep to nothing overnight at about 2.4 years. It was madness for a while whilst she adjusted and she has now settled into a pattern where she'll usually have 10-15 mins if we're out in the car so I try to plan that most afternoons but she can get by without it.

The upside is that she's started sleeping til 8 every morning (from 6.30pm)

Original poster

Rollingpapa · 06/01/2009 15:50

Yes, we're facing real possibility of losing lunch nap. We could bear it if we then got to put him to bed earlier.

Last night he wandered around our flat's landing from his bedtime at 7:30pm (all doors shut, lights out) until he literally feel asleep on the floor. At 9pm.

Like the idea of DD sleeping up in our loft, although it doesn't have door, so noise drifts up rather too well.

We just want his attitude to change, but...

We know this is where he's at. God, it's painful.

OP posts:

ruddynorah · 06/01/2009 15:53

have you tried not putting him down for a nap at all and instead putting him to bed at night earlier?

Original poster

Rollingpapa · 06/01/2009 15:55

Not yet. May definitely try.

Would prefer to have proper "quiet time" in the afternoon, even if not a nap. He's not receptive to any, ahem, suggestions at the moment...

OP posts:

crokky · 06/01/2009 15:55

I have DS 2.9 and DD 9m.

I would suggest getting a Thomas DVD and buying him a track and some characters from it. My DS will sit in the middle of his track for hours and hours absolutely loving all the engines and track parts. This will give your DW a chance to get things done.

My DS is a tiny bit older than yours, but he loves play-doh - I got him a little child's table from Ikea and he will sit with the play-doh for ages. DW will have to supervise, but you can still get a few things done.

My DS also loves glittering and painting. I usually find that having done something he really enjoys like this, he is happy to veg infront of cbeebies or a DVD. I do think this is necessary - just to relax - they can't be busy all the time.

I'd put him in a bed instead of the cot and get him a really nice duvet cover so he wants to go in there. He might hurt himself climbing out of the cot. My DS has a Thomas one.

nappyaddict · 06/01/2009 15:57

Can you put the sides back on his cot? DS used to climb out of his but has now stopped. You have to really want to climb out of your cot as opposed to just getting in and out of bed cos it is way more effort.

ruddynorah · 06/01/2009 15:57

make a big deal of making his bedroom special, if not buying a new bed then get new covers or something.

cilantro · 06/01/2009 15:58

We have 2 about the same ages as yours, 2 1/2 and 10mos. We recently switched roles in our family, with DH now home full time during the day and me in the office full time. Hey talk about something refreshing for me and totally shocking for him!

Anyway our 2 1/2 year old is starting to calm down now as she's getting closer to 3. Our routine has been out the window for a few months now, which has probably helped calm us down since I was getting stressed out trying to keep her in a set routine.

The DVDs will probably keep him in his cot so atleast your wife can get some relief post lunch.

Aside from that we found the following helps to keep DD amused in the afternoon: Lego Duplo, Brio trains, puzzles, crafts, and Stickers.

The defiance sounds familiar to what we get too..

nappyaddict · 06/01/2009 16:01

BTW I did put a duvet, some pillows and a beanbag on the floor incase he fell. he never did though.

Original poster

Rollingpapa · 06/01/2009 16:13

Great stuff everyone. I'm going to print this thread out and take home in case we can use any of it immediately.

He has Thomas tracks now. We've just ordered the Roundhouse, so hopefully that will add interest to it all again.

Any final thoughts? I'm going to head home early to help the fray.

OP posts:

Metatron · 06/01/2009 16:16

Oh and I found a white noise machine invaluble for child 2. I have 2yr 3m between mine and they never ever napped at the same time.

Ohforfoxsake · 06/01/2009 16:20

My thoughts are drop the afternoon nap, put sides back on cot, put him to sleep in a sleeping bag (turn it inside out if he can undo it and escape).

My DD is 18 months and at this stage. I think you have done well to get this far with a nap! and

nappyaddict · 06/01/2009 16:20

Shake and go race track keeps DS amused for hours. Takes a while to set up but it's worth it.

blowninonabreeze · 06/01/2009 16:22

Oh yes white noise machine. Or in our house an electric fan! Although I suspect a white noise machine would be more economic energy wise. Must source one of those.

MinkyBorage · 06/01/2009 16:23

get a telly

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 06/01/2009 16:23

I have a high maintenance toddler. I also have my sanity saver here.

It's a must in this house. I would not survive the day without it.

Fill it full of cusions/blankets at naptime and let ds fall asleep when he wants.

eandh · 06/01/2009 16:24

Hate to say it but dd1 grew out of naps by 2.1 and dd2 been dropping hers this week and shes just 2, maybe easier to settle him downstairs with dvd whilst your dw settles your dd for her nap??

Ceebee74 · 06/01/2009 16:24

DS1 (also 2.6) decided to drop his afternoon nap 2 weeks after his brother arrived a few weeks ago - just, one day, as you described, would not settle in bed and just ran around on the landing instead so he went from a 90 minute nap (which I usually had to wake him up from) to nothing!

No tips on how to occupy him but am reading all these tips gratefully - he won't sit still for a DVD and his behaviour gets progressively giddy/naughty etc as the day gets on. Bedtimes haven't got any earlier but he does seem to be sleeping longer in the mornings.

Luckily he does go to bed at night happily (maybe running out on to the landing once before settling)

Fennel · 06/01/2009 16:26

When I had two that sort of age, on the days I was at home with them I used to take them out twice a day. Toddler groups, friends' houses, soft play, park. It sounds a lot but the baby is happy in the buggy or sling and the toddler is occupied and gets tired out.

I'd drop a nap for a toddler who resisted it.

I used to put the babies out in the buggy in the garden so the toddlers didn't disturb their sleep.

ohdearwhatamess · 06/01/2009 16:47

Go for walks when the toddler goes into high maintenance mode. Boys of this age need a lot of exercise, imo.

Ensure DW (or yourself at weekends) have some special time just with ds - half an hour snuggled together reading books whilst dd naps, for example. Make a big thing of him being the big brother.

Suspect a 2.6 yo has grown out of naps (ds1 stopped at 2.7, with no warning, to my dismay).

Perhaps he'll be a bit easier when he is back at nursery?

Metatron · 06/01/2009 16:50

this is where I got my white noise thingy.

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