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Desperate, please help, Baby up all night every night, not coping.

56 replies

MumOfBaby · 05/01/2009 10:20

My almost 8 mo baby went into his own room at 6 months. He was sometimes sleeping through 11/12 hours, sometimes he was waking for us to put his dummy back in a couple of times a night. He could self soothe from birth, so I could just put him in his cot, turn the light off, and he was make little coo noises and go to sleep.

When he went into his own room, everything changed. When we put him down he screams. If we try to leave the room he screams. When he finally goes to sleep, he wakes up loads of times every night, and not just for us to put his dummy in, he's awake for ages, again not letting us leave the room. He's more clingy in day time, he doesn't like us leaving the room.

I think he's terrified of being on his own.

But we are absolutely worn out. We're both working, and getting up all night.

When he stays at my mum's house, he seems to sleep better. He is in their room so that probably helps. But at ours, he just won't sleep.

We have never let him in our bed, but this last week we're starting to give in and put him in our bed for a couple of hours just so we can grab a tiny bit of sleep. Then when we try to put him back in his cot, he wakes up and screams again.

What can we do.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Supercherry · 05/01/2009 10:23

Well, I'm really no expert on sleep as my LO (11mths) has never been the best sleeper. For this reason we still co-sleep. If Co-sleeping helps you all to get more sleep then why not just go with it?

Supercherry · 05/01/2009 10:24

Your LO might be going through separation anxiety and just needs the comfort.

MumOfBaby · 05/01/2009 10:25

I'm terrified of rolling on the baby, the bed just isn't big enough, and the bed is just for DP and I as we get very little time together, so that's like our time.

OP posts:
Aitch · 05/01/2009 10:26

gawd, co-sleep... what's yyour objection to it? read up a bit abnd it's all fine.

Supercherry · 05/01/2009 10:27

What about having his cot in your room?

Aitch · 05/01/2009 10:27

nbut it's not your time if you're cross and jumping up to deal with ds, though, is it?

MumOfBaby · 05/01/2009 10:33

I suppose. I just know we have to deal with this bit eventually, as he can't be in our room forever, and we want to try for another baby soon.

OP posts:
GaspodTheWonderDog · 05/01/2009 10:39

MumOfBaby - I can really understand your reservations about co-sleeping. It wasn't for me and dh either. Don't feel bullied into it. Maybe someone else can come along with a solution that will suit you. Hang in there

Supercherry · 05/01/2009 10:39

Our LO goes through phases of being a better sleeper but then something like a cold or teething throws a spanner in the works. Personally, I don't have the energy for or necessarily agree with any kind of sleep training so just bring him in bed with us. I am also considering trying for another baby and too wonder how we will fit 2 babies and us in our bed!

3littlefrogs · 05/01/2009 10:42

I took the side off dd's cot and pushed it right up aginst our bed. I tucked the bottom sheet of our bed over the cot mattress. She was close to me, but I couldn't roll on her. That worked very well for the first year. Would that be a possibility for you?

sleepycat · 05/01/2009 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Supercherry · 05/01/2009 10:42

Mumofbaby, if your LO was a naturally good sleeper before then maybe this is will be just a phase for your and he will go back to being a good sleeper when separation anxiety has passed or he gets used to the change of sleep environment. Fingers crossed for you

Aitch · 05/01/2009 10:43

imo thinking long-term with a baby is a bit pointless as they don't know what's coming next anyway, they're creatures of stimulus and response. my firm rule is to do what works for me now and to change it when it stops working, iykwim? i do find co-sleeping lovely, though, when i do it, so it's horses for courses.

about the rolling, though. me and dh have those countoured foam pillows (get them in ikea for about £16 i think). they just don't move in the bed, they're like comfy bricks. so we move our pillows to make a gap in the middle then wrap up dd and plonk her there. did the same with dd1. i always felt she was safer from the covers when she was up by our heads.

Aitch · 05/01/2009 10:44

'don't feel bullied into it'?

is that what was happening here?

3littlefrogs · 05/01/2009 10:44

Could he be cold? It has been perishing at night recently. Babies feel the cold much more than adults.

3littlefrogs · 05/01/2009 10:48

Dh and I are just starting to get a bit of time in bed on our own after 20 years of parenting .

Seriously - you may be expecting too much to have "your time" if he is only 7 months!

thatsnotmymonster · 05/01/2009 10:51

I'm not for co-sleeping either. We have 3 LO's and our youngest is 8mo. None of them have slept in or bed unless they have been ill or something and every time I get absolutely no sleep at all. I can't get comfortable as I need to move about a lot when I'm sleeping and a baby always wakes up whenever I move even a tiny little bit so I end up lying rigid (usually needing a pee) all night.

Could you try and break the cycle by sleeping in his room for a few nights? Or maybe he's having a growth spurt and he's hungry again?

GaspodTheWonderDog · 05/01/2009 10:56

I think it does feels a bit like that Aitch. Sorry, don't want to have a scrap on here because the OP obviously needs help it's just I get cross about the 'your needs should just be put to one side...it's all about your child brigade' - of course we should do all we can to make our children happy but at the same time as an adult we also require some care and time for ourselves. If the OP wants to keep her bed for her and her dh then that's fine. I have a friend who has co-slept and now is desperately struggling to get her bed back. It works for some, not for others. OP doesn't sound sold on it so maybe instead of people (and not just you!) going on about a solution which OP has already expressed reservations about, some other ideas might be helpful.

Supercherry · 05/01/2009 11:02

I co-sleep because I get more sleep too that way not just for the sake of my LO. When the op expressed reservations I suggested moving the cot into her room as another alternative so I hope I am not being referred to as a bully as I was only trying to help.

Aitch · 05/01/2009 11:05

what is it about my saying ' but it's horses for courses' and offering practical solutions to her fear of rolling and the small bed thing that is bullying? it's not me time if she's up and down all the time, is it?

i think it's a bit rich to call bullying when people are only trying to explore the issues, tbh. you offer your advice, other people offer theirs, one is not bullying just because you don't happen to agree with it.

GaspodTheWonderDog · 05/01/2009 11:15

I think your 'horses for courses' comments etc all came AFTER my bullying comment so irrelevant really in your argument with me.

I do think pro-co-sleeping people can be a bit OTT about people who don't want to do it. It's not like people who don't want to co-sleep are beating their children, they just want to have their beds to themselves. As parents we change EVERYTHING about our lives, our homes etc for our children (willingly of course) but giving up my bed is a step too far for me and it sounds like OP feels that way too.

Supercherry · 05/01/2009 11:20

Crikey Gaspod, it's only advice, no-one said anyone has to take the advice and certainly no-one mentioned anyone beating children! What an odd reaction?!

claw3 · 05/01/2009 11:22

Does he nap during the day? if so where?

SimpleAsABC · 05/01/2009 11:26

What a reaction and a huge sweeping generalisation... "pro-co- sleeping people" vary just as much as any other group might.

GaspodTheWonderDog · 05/01/2009 11:32

LOL - this is why I love MN. We're all so damn judgey - of course no-one mentioned beating children. I was making a point Obviously there are a variety of people in a pro-co-sleeping group of people but I've seen plenty of MN threads over the years turn into the 'why wouldn't you co-sleep if it's best for your child you are a teeehiiirible parent if you don't want to make every tiny sacrifice for them' type threads. Of course this thread hadn't done that but I was just (for the sake of the poor OP who seems to have been scared away...sorry OP) trying to prevent that happening.