Desperate, please help, Baby up all night every night, not coping.

[MumOfBaby]

My almost 8 mo baby went into his own room at 6 months. He was sometimes sleeping through 11/12 hours, sometimes he was waking for us to put his dummy back in a couple of times a night. He could self soothe from birth, so I could just put him in his cot, turn the light off, and he was make little coo noises and go to sleep.

When he went into his own room, everything changed. When we put him down he screams. If we try to leave the room he screams. When he finally goes to sleep, he wakes up loads of times every night, and not just for us to put his dummy in, he's awake for ages, again not letting us leave the room. He's more clingy in day time, he doesn't like us leaving the room.

I think he's terrified of being on his own.

But we are absolutely worn out. We're both working, and getting up all night.

When he stays at my mum's house, he seems to sleep better. He is in their room so that probably helps. But at ours, he just won't sleep.

We have never let him in our bed, but this last week we're starting to give in and put him in our bed for a couple of hours just so we can grab a tiny bit of sleep. Then when we try to put him back in his cot, he wakes up and screams again.

What can we do.

Gaspod, I think you jumped the gun a little in thst case. Re-read the initial responses they are not judgmental or bullying are they?

I see what you're saying supercherry but see it from someone who is desperately tired/ exhausted and obviously doesn't want to co-sleep.

'why don't you just go with it'
your baby 'just needs comfort' (which you aren't providing...I know you didn't say that but...)
'Gawd...just co-sleep'

Anyway it's a waste of time having this discussion and none of us are helping the OP so this will be my last post on the matter. Really must get some RL stuff done!

nope. it was a cross post, i was writing it while you were accusing people of bullying the op.

by the way, i don't co-sleep as a matter of course, dd2 sleeps in a hammock. but sometimes, if it's a bad night and both of us are tired, of course i do. so i'm not part of any pro-co-sleeping group...

Thanks for all the responses.

I'm going to not get involved on the co-sleeping argument lol MN rows scare me a little

Personally, I don't want to co-sleep. I can see why it suits some people and why it doesn't suit others.

That's not my monster- I will try sleeping in his room for a night to see if it settles him a little, good idea. There is another bed in there, though it is a little out of sight of te cot. Though he seems to sense when I'm in the room or not in the room which is weird. We have a creaky house- creaky floorboards, creaky bed. If he hears us start to walk upstairs, he stops crying, if we set foot out of his room, he screams, if he hears the bed creak and he knows we're going back to bed, he screams etc.

I'm contemplating letting him 'cry it out'. But I know I'll be crying the whole time he is. Has anyone ever tried this approach?

what about screwing down the board?

Mumofbaby - Someone once suggested to me (on the advice of a sleep thearipst) that you just stay in the room where he can see you, you dont talk or interact in anyway, but just sit there until he settles.

MumofBaby

Have a look at the Baby Whisperer's Pick Up Put Down method of sleep training and see if it might be for you. Your LO obviously had the capability to self soothe when his mum and dad were around and needs to learn to do it on his own (if you're not keen on having him back in your room/bed of course).

We have been doing pick up put down with DD for a week now and IT IS AH-MAY-ZING. First two nights were the worst but since then, not too bad and I can now get DD to go to sleep all on her own, without me needing to breastfeed her to sleep. I never thought we'd manage it, but we have.

Letting your DS cry it out would be quite a difficult thing to do for you and him. With pick up put down, your baby will get frustrated but will know that you are there for him to soothe him when he cries and won't be wondering where you've gone.

CIO is a bit extreme, but controlled crying, sitting by the bed, or pick up/put down are all things I have tried and they work. I agree co-sleeping is not the answer for you.

How does he nap in the day? Could it be that he is not used to his cot/room? Does he have his daytime naps in his cot? If not then I would start putting him in his cot for daytime naps - does he have a fixed routine for naps? My twins are 8mo and at the moment they get up at 8am, go for 30-45mins nap at 9.30/10am, then have lunch sleep for 2 hours at 12/12.30pm. Try to put your LO down at same time every day. You will need to let him cry, but if you want you can sit with him (at least then he knows he has not been abandoned - he will still cry cos he wants to be picked up but you have to be strong cos you believe that he has to sleep in his cot), or you can keep going in to him every 5/10 mins to reassure him (pat him on tummy and 'shhhh' him, or pick him up to settle him then put him back down). Whatever you decide to do be consistent.

Personally, I would do the same at night too, but it is really hard to hear your baby cry. But it is worth it in the end. Good luck!

Neenz- that's really helpful, thanks. I didn't know that day naps were meant to be at set times, he's just been napping whenever he feels like it! He's good as gold in day time, but at night he's like a different baby. He naps in his chair downstairs. I'll do the day routine thing, put him in his cot in day, so that he's used to it, and I'll do the PUPD thing.

He wakes up for drinks at night, and he can go through two bottles of water/juice. He sort of drinks frantically, like he's really thirsty.

Claw and Katy- Sorry I didn't answer your posts. Thanks for taking the time to answer. I'll definately get that book and have taken your suggestions on board ready to use tonight. Wish me luck!

mumofbaby - no worries and good luck

Yes I agree leaving a baby to cry for 10/20 mins is harder for the mum than the baby but you should do it, mine often settle themselves in that time. If he is drinking so much at nihgt is he getting enough to drink during the day? what do you give him to eat/drink and at what times?

Mumofbaby - Morning, was wondering how your night went?

I would stop giving him a drink at night, as he doesn't need it and you are rewarding him for waking up. Make sure he drinks enough milk/water during the day. Also he must have very wet nappies with all that drink which is probably uncomfortable.

i don;t think dropping night feeds for an 8 month old is feasible

a baby is not manipulative enough to want a drink as a reward for waking

lots of babies need night feeds at this age.

a hungry baby will be infinitely harder to settle than a full one

he might be teething, getting a cold, having a growth spurt, whatever it is, not giving him milk if he needs it, is not going to help

sorry, i see you are giving water/juice and he is drinking frantically

maybe he is hungry?

milk is the main source of nutrition for the first year, so it is quite feasible an 8 month old will need milk in the nigt

surely a milk feed once a night that fills his tummy with calories is better than two bottles of water/juice, neitehr of which will fill him

It is impossible to know just from this thread whether he needs a night feed or not. But I have just cut out night feeds for both my twins (they had been feeding 2/3 times a night each for about four weeks after getting a cold/teething). They have been fine without the night feeds (they are 8mo today!), they cried for a while each time before going back to sleep on their own, but were sleeping through after the third night. When I was feeding them in the night they BFed less in the day. Now they BF more in the day cos I don't feed them at night.

Hi mumofbaby,
My wee one kinda did something similar when he was a year old - went from sleeping OK by himself to absolutely going berserk if we left the room if he wasnt fully asleep...the type of screaming that I just can't leave cos it sounds so terrified ( altho I'm crap at leaving him to cry a bit anyway...) and when he woke up in the night and we weren't there the whole ordeal would start again and it was exhasting. Now we had just moved house so I think it was insecurity from that but I think babies go through so many wee changes that perhaps this fear of being left alone can happen from nothing much at all...anyway we moved him into our room in his travel cot for at least 2 weeks I think- just meant when he woke we were there immediately...still had to cuddle him and rock him/soothe him but over that 2 weeks he seemed to settle knowing we were close by..then I put him back in his cot and slept on a camp bed for a couple of nights and then we just went back to our old ways and he seemed even better after that - went to sleep completely on his own without even needing rocked.....who knows if it would work for your wee one but fingers crossed - and my mantra for these tough times is 'it's a phase...it will pass...it's a phase...it will pass.......aaaaaaaaaggggghhhhhh!!!!!' x

my 8mo is exactly the same - so I am wondering now if its a developmental phase seeign as lots of people I know with babies same age are experiencing the same.

We started the Controlled crying thing a week ago and HATE it. However we are embracing the whole supernnay thing and its working finally - we only had two wakes last night as opposed to the usual 7or8 wakes.

FOr us its been the day time routine that needed adjusting. Beginning to wish I had done Gina ford as I think that would have avoided this little stage!

Our LO seems to wake because of cold and hunger. So extra blankets/layers have been applied and we are consciously stuffing him more with food during the day. It seems to be working so far. We never really had a routine in the day and its seems that about now thats when they really need one.

Come back and let us know whats working for you/not working. be interested to see how you get on!

We have not had this (yet!! baby is 9 months old) but my mother told me that when I was a baby I went through a phase of the same thing - screamed and screamed if she left the room, & even once I was asleep, would apparently wake up as soon as she tried to leave the room (she even tried crawling out of the room but I'd still wake up), she also tried taking me in bed with her but that was no good either - I wouldn't have it - all I wanted (apparently!!) was to have her in my room with me while I slept. Nice. Anyway, she says it was a mysterious phase but just a phase - so I suppose the point of this message is to say hang in there..! I think I'd try and fit the cot in my room if I were you, for a couple of weeks?

Nomoreamover, I did Gina Ford and the DTs slept through from 12 weeks old, but we still had this phase of waking lots in the night! I think it started with teething or a cold and then became a habit cos I was feeding them every time they woke but then they started waking every hour or so. Since I stopped feeding them in the night they are sleeping through again.

I definitely think a routine helps but being able to settle themselves to sleep is the key thing IMO because then when they do wake in the night they just go back to sleep on their own. They fall asleep on their own for all naps/bedtime.

HI all.

Thought I'd give you an update.

We've been getting very panicky and anxious and the tension goes through the roof at night because we're worried about being woken up because we work lots. I think DS has picked up on this. Last night we made a conscious effort to both be there when we put him down, we were all lovely with him before sleep time, we took our time over putting him down, and he only woke a couple of times, and that was for seconds for his dummy.

We're going to try it again tonight!