DS is 5. How important would you say it is for him to have playdates and "best" friends?

[ChestnutsRoastingonanOpenFlier]

I am aware that other children in his class see each other outside school. He doesn't tend to and none of our neighbours are close in age to him, so he doesn't get to go outside and play.

Should I be trying to engineer play dates etc? or should I leave him be (he is a happy boy) - will he ask for play dates etc or will he be left permanently "out of the loop"?

bump x

I would ask him who he's friends are at school and maybe approach the parent/carer for a play date. Other parents may be feeling the same way but are too shy to ask.

It's good to encourage relationships outside school as it gives their relationships another dimension IFGWIM.

It's also handy in the holidays as they can meet up and you get an adult to converse with for a change. Good luck

I must admit I encourage play dates and I think it's been the making of my happy but quite shy daughter, who came out of her shell once she'd had a few friends home and had been to other people's houses. Personally, I would gently encourage it with those that he is particularly friendly with but don't go overboard like some parents seem to!

I don't think it hurts to arrange the odd play date although I don't think it's crucial. As long as your boy is happy, that's what counts.

I have a boy of 6 who occasionally has a play date but to be honest, most of the kids are so busy with after school clubs (including my own son), it rarely works out. It is interesting to see how they get on with other kids though. Whenver we have someone around, I get really nosey and try to spy on them. Pathetic eh?!

What about parents of children who I don't see at the school gates though? People I have possibly never met before but who he is friendly with? Would it be acceptabel to put a not is DS' bag asking for contact details and giving my number?

Chestnuts - I've done that and it was fine. If they don't respond then you've lost nothing. They probably will though!

thanks everyone.
I'm naturally quite a shy person and find it so hard at the school gates to strike up conversations but obv want to do the best for my DCs, just like everyone else.

Victoria72, good to hear that you're of the opinion that it is not crucial, too.

Must admit that, when ds comes home from schhol he is so tired all he wants to do is lounge in front of CITV!

I'll ask him if he'd like to have someone over to play and take it from there.

I would encourage it a little bit, but don't push too hard - it's great that he is happy how he is. I have pushed playdates probably too hard and ds doesn't expect to be able to entertain himself and asks constantly when we can go to someone's house or have someone over.

I certainly don't think they need to have best friends at that age. In fact, children change their minds so often, it's often easier if they are friendly with a group of children. If X decides they don't want to be friends today (as is often the case), they still have A, B and/or C to play with instead, without too much trauma!

will do, thanks.

I suppose it cam up in my mind again cos I heard of another birthday party at the weekend that ds wasn't invited to (again it doesn't seen to bother him) but there seems to be a core group of kids who tend to always be invited to parties. Just don't want DS to be missing out, I suppose

thanks seeline

dsi who is 4.5 maybe has a playdate once or twice a week, but i don't see it as vital. he has socialised at school all day and is exhausted....and needs some hot chocolate and a cuddle after school. to be honest ds2 and i are desperate to see him and ds2 gets a bit put out (hes 21mths) if a friend monopolises his big bros attention too much.

he has lots of riends and is very happy so i don't feel the need to fill his day up so much. he has friends who do after school activities and who have playdates everyday and i think...hmmm....too much at age four/five...we get home about 3.30, half an hour snack/chat then horrid henry whilst playing trains with little brother and then supper from about 5 onwards...where do i squeeze in the playdate?!

Ds is 5 and in reception and in similair situation that we dont see any of his friends out of school so last fri he had his first play date. I suggested he could invite a friend fo tea and he jumped at the chance.He wrote an 'invite' to the little boy who replied and they had a really nice time.

meant to add it is not something I will do weekly but maybe once a month to every 6 wks or so.
Ds does see other friends outside of school plus he has 2 younger sisters so always has people to play with but think it can help with confidence in school etc.

Agree about trying too hard to wedge them in during the week (although what's wrong with flopping out at someone else's house, if that's OK for them) but playdates are seriously fab at weekends though - I really like taking other kids with ds down the towpath on our bikes.

Nemo, I like that idea, think I will do something like that, or certainly mention it to DS, see if he would like that.

He probably will ask for a friend to come and play at some stage.

Does he mention any particular children at school? (btw I've found that having friends over to play at the weekend works well for the child as well as the parents!)

oops, didn't see choosy's post when I was still typing mine!

Yep, weekends are seriously fab

yes, he does mention specific children

thanks again everyone

Is he an only child? If so, then I think playing with friends outside school (or doing activities where he can make friends outside of school) is quite important.

I used to arrange "playdates" (sorry - using that term for sake of speed - I know some people object to it!!) once a week for my dd (also 5) but it got too much, with her other activities + my work, so now we have a friend back once a fortnight or at weekends.

I probably wouldn't be doing even that tbh if she had brothers or sisters to play with though.

[Agree about the "ever-changing" friendships btw. My dd is bf with one little girl one day and then they won't play together the next. I get the sense that this is quite an important issue at this age - ie this is the age at which they get to work all this stuff out - but I haven't a clue really so this has prompted me to go and revisit a few bks on child development ...)

Counting, He has a younger sister (2.5)

CHESNUTS has your class issued a 'class list' with all the kids names and phone numbers on them. We have and it works brilliantly. Obviously, you have to get permission of all that go on it and let them know it's in the domain.

We use ours for mum's nights out, holiday play dates, xmas card lists, part invites etc etc

thats a good idea, mummyofboys and I have friends whose schools do this, but ours doesn't

What about getting some Christmas cards for ds to give to children he likes/mentions (or even the whole class) and you putting a little message in suggesting a play date, give your phone number?

I was going to do christmas cards for him (or rather give him some to write) but that is a good idea re play date, thanks for that